I don't know what to do- advice please?

Question

My husband and I agreed that when my son was born I would stay home with him. My husband makes good money and we're okay on our bills and everything, and anything extra we might not have the money for I'm okay with and sacrifice that to be able to be with my son and care for him. He's almost 2 now. When my husband is home he rarely has to help me with anything. Anyway, I'm upset because my husband has recently decided that I can't have anything unless I get a job. If I ask to get something I know we should be able to afford he says, "You can get it when YOU can pay for it." For example, I want to get a costume for Halloween and dress up with my son this year because I love Halloween, and even told him that he could call it my christmas present and he still said no. He won't let me get clothes, either. Every skirt I have for church has at least one hole in it and my shirts are all stretched out from my son. I look like a big rag, but he just says "So what, get a job". I don't want to get a job because we only have one car, and I know that he isn't going to want to come home at midnight and take me to work in the morning and stay up with our son, then go to work. It might work for a week, and he'll say I was right. Plus he doesn't play or work with our son (abc's and stuff) like I do, and his idea of lunch is a bag of doritos and some fish sticks. What should I do? Daycare isn't an option.

Answer 1

Sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with your husband.   Let him sit there and not say a word while you let him know how your feeling and how your being treated.   If he is unwilling to do this then talk to your pastor about this and have your pastor talk to him.   Your pastor needs to set up some meetings with both of you together and straighten this out if you two cannot.   If your husband is not willing to do either of these things, then leave him.   He just may need a wake up call.   Paying alimony and child support is more expensive than listening to you and working with you.   He is not being a dad or a husband and someone needs to point this out to him.    

Answer 2

What do you like to do?

I think you can have some part time job as a costume adviser or event adviser at these kind of shops.

It may fun for you and if you can get some income form the job. You will feel great about yourself and can buy some new thing without asking to him.

If you have a sister or some friend who is mom like you, ask her small help to start. Then you can see how your boy act with them.

It is fun to open new door.

Answer 3

You tell him that this is the situation you BOTH agreed to.  Does he want someone else raising your child?  When you're son goes to school get a job.  Spend you money on you and your son.  If thats how yoru husband wants to be then let him be like that.  When you do get a job and ya'll go out to eat or something take your wallet out and order for yourself not him.  When he wants to know why your only paying for you stuff tell him straight up you have a job so don't get it unless you can afford it.  He sounds like a control freak.  It also sounds like he might be broke or something, or trying to start fights with you.

Answer 4

Stop complaining, watching the View and Opra and get a JOB!

Answer 5

Sounds like you and he need a referee to determine just what you are worth as a teacher, a cook, a babysitter, a household manager, sexual partner, private tutor to your child..... and the like.  

Someone several years ago added all that up and found your salary ought to be around $35,000 per year.

Since indeed you are working all day, as is he, your husband doesn't much value your contribution.  He must think you kick badk and eat bon-bons all day.... he obviously has no idea what it is like to parent a 2 year old....

Sorry to say, hon, but your husband is a selfish jerk, and I'm sorry you allow this idiot to be the sperm donor for your child... in your place, I think I'd have picked a smarter, more compassionate guy... You can't teach a guy to have class..... they either come that way or they don't.

And it's too bad you didn't sniff out this personality defect before you had a child with him....

Husbands are class acts and wonderful husband and dads because they   themselves  were  properly parented.  His folks must be real jackassessssss.

I wish I had a cure for this type of behavior... as I said, it's a personality defect... he has no compassion, and not a clue what it takes to run a household.

(The real clincher that you have a true hill billy on your hand is his idea of lunch..... classy....)

Answer 6

Let the stuff that you do (besides your son) go for a few days. Your husband is being stubborn and controlling so give him a taste of his own medicine. When the house becomes a wreck and he has no clean clothes or anything to eat, I bet he'll change his tune. Oh, and definitely put him on P.R. until he straightens out! Good luck.

Answer 7

mine did the same thing to me. however, it was HE that insited i stay home.

well he threw it in my face right about your sons age.  Now, me, i didnt give a d**n if every dime i made went to daycare.  i had a job in two weeks.  I was insulted and hurt.

get a part time job. yes day care is an option. there are alot of great ones out there. even if it leaves you $50 bucks left over, do it for yourself.  My main concern for you is what if next hubbie decides he wants to leave, since he has this new attitude?  Do you really want to be left desolate?

get a job. have an outside life. then when he tells you that you were right, say i know, too bad wont quit now.

A$$

Answer 8

He agreed you should stay at home with your child so if he is being mean withdraw your labour ie go on strike! no meals! no washing !no s*x!  Then if he still wont budge get your own money by looking for a job with family friendly hours. Be  independent from this financial control freak!

Answer 9

I agree with the first answerer...

HE sounds like a controlling jerk!

It sounds like you need to tell him how it is or hit the road because you do not deserve to be treated like a worthless piece of junk.

Good luck.

Answer 10

it sounds like he is not doing his duty, as a husband, a husband is to love and CARE for his family, hes not meeting your needs, and there is no easy answer, I'm not like most people on here that says " leave the bum" , and I'm not perfect myself, just look in to your options, make your feeling known to him, i have a similar situation with my wife

good luck to you

Answer 11

That is controlling and abusive. You made the decision for you to stay home TOGETHER!

If he "allows" you to go grocery shopping buy $80.00 worth of groceries and write $100 out of the checkbook...take that 20 bucks and store it away.

If you decide to buy yourself a new shirt and he asks where you got it from tell him your mother gave it to you.

In the meantime... what about taking children in after school? That would give you some cash to call your own. You could also try one of those "direct marketing businesses" (i.e. Silpada, Tastefully Simple, Avon...etc). I have many friends that do that and do well.

Honestly the Tastefully Simple girl seems to do the best as well as have the lowest overhead and the most fun parties.

If you don't have the money to invest in it..contact a rep and see if there is a way they could sponsor your membership.

In the meantime... contact your local MOMS Club to be around other stay-at-home-moms like yourself. It is a wonderful support system where they hold playground days and playdates for the kids.

You could also get a temp job with the upcoming holiday season.

ANY money you earn tho..be aware that he may say "now I don't have to pay for ANYTHING for you! YOU buy the gas! YOU have money for groceries!" and so on..

You need to hoard some of that money away for yourself that he doesn't know about if he is going to control the entire purse strings. Sorry..still think that is abuse.  

Answer 12

WOW , here is my solution , you go get a job put the baby in day care and make sure you never pay for that day care out of your money it is anywhere from 500 to 800 a month depending on how good the day care is and what kinds of hours they have. My second suggestion is you get a private account, pay your half and only half of everything except daycare that is his responsibility and his decided it  , keep some money in savings for you and your son , that way when you get tired of his controlling attitude you will have a way out.  

Answer 13

Ok, first of all he is being a jerk and you are aware of that I'm sure. So............ why not think of a way to work from home and make some money? Like maybe you could find one or 2 moms who need a sitter and make some cash that way, sell on ebay all the items that dont fit you or you dont use. Maybe you can do some crafty items and start selling them, shop for others when you do your shopping, get creative.....put your mind to it and think of all the things you do or can do and you can put up some cards at your local stores on their advertising boards and start making a lil extra money for you. I do think it is odd that all of a sudden he has this attitude with who makes the money and who can spend it. There is allott more to that situation. Best of luck darlin.......

Answer 14

tell ur husband  you have a job...  u take care of the child  you both have .... geez what is his deal??? so tell him you will get a job and he can pay for daycare.. now what??lol

Answer 15

I think he is becoming a "macho" man, "the man" and the "boss". It looks like he got used to being the head of the household and is really enjoying it. He is already abusing you emotionaly and verbally. Next step in your relationship, I'm afraid, is physical abuse. You need to become stronger, do not ask him for things. Take your son to daycare if you have to, but find a job and be more independent. If you stay like this, he will crush you. If he does not care about how you feel or how you look, it signals of bigger problems than halloween costume. Be strong, you have a lot of work and decisions ahead of you.

Good luck.

Answer 16

Sounds like a loser. This is exactly why I stayed away from religious men..