I don't know what to do for the best?

Question

my sister is 20 she has a baby (5 months) she has been with her boyfriend for about 3 years, when she was pregnant she found condoms on him and confronted him tried to look at his phone and it ended with him hitting him, all the family rallied round, begged her to leave him, but she stayed, since the baby has been born, she is round mine or has her friend round most of the time, he is never there, hasn't bought the baby one thing, is out every night of the week, she has found messages to other girls, he stays out over night, they fight constantly, the bank holiday weekend, she basically told him that this weekend she is deciding whether or not she wants to be with him and his actions will help her decide, so he went out friday stayed out all night, went out saturday went out sunday stayed out sunday night and then went out monday!!!! she told him she wants him to leave he told her give me a week (yesterday being the end of that week) and then went out every night of that week too, ended up in a big row sunday morning cos he didn't come home again and she locked him out and called the police as he was smashing her door and out something throught the glass window, he then told her she was selfsih for calling the police

she asked him to buy the baby some milk he refused and then called her at 11 pm asking her to go home as he wanted to get some clothes, she stayed at mine (another row) and went home yesterday, my mum went to see her and found out everything, she helped my sis by getting the windows fixed, tidying up, took her shopping bought the baby everything she needs and packed up all his clothes, he came back and told my sis he has no where to go and can she give him a month my mum said no basically (its my mums flat and the rent is not being paid!!) he left come back after my mum left and i told her he is sorry and that he loves her and i belive has now wormed his way back in, i don't know what to do, i told my sister what i think of him yesterday and told her he hasn't cared until you have chucked him out why can't you see him for what he is, i am now at the end of my tether i don't know what to do for the best

any advice from anyone who has dealt with a simalar situation will be great

Answer 1

She needs to cut herself off from him completely, at least until she figures something out.

It sounds like he has no respect for her at all. And since he is taking no responsibility for his actions now, I think it's perfect that he has nowhere to go, and has to think about what he has done.

The fact that he is begging to be with her again is a sure sign that he knows that he is completely rooted (slang for F****d). It would just go back to the same way it was if she lets him back into her life.

You need to confront your sister, and ask her what she REALLY wants, if she wants to be cheated on for the rest of her life, having to provide all costs for the child because he goes out so much. She needs to be shown that she deserves better treatment than that, it's hard to tell people in abusive relationships to end them, even harder than people in normal relationships.

It took a long time for me to wake up from a bad relationship, but after about a month and a half, I had moved on and was feeling great about myself, just need to cut yourself off and have no reminders. But then again, they have a child, very difficult.

Maybe you could suggest to her that if they are going to be together that she make him go to relationship councelling, if he is dead serious, he will want to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. That threat generally works, because if they really want to try, they will go and talk about it.

Personally from what you said, he deserves to be on his own though. Very tricky situation, good luck!

Answer 2

I think they need time alone for a while until things get better.

Answer 3

the only piece of advice that I can see giving you is please do not give up on your sister it sounds to me that he has made her believe that in order to survive she needs him he is the ultimate con artist and the only way that he will go for good is when she is finally ready to do this for herself it will not work any other other way.  Just become your sisters best friend for right now dont give too much advice especially bad things about him  kill him with kindness and soon she will see that what everyone was saying all along is one hundred percent correct.  Your sister will eventually have enough I know that I did when I was stuck in the same situation years ago.  My family let me do what I had to do then one day he hit me and I had to make him think that it was his choice to leave, after that he stalked me to a point where I got a restraining order that lasted 2 years.  Your sister has options she just has to be ready to see them and execute them in a timely manner

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do unfortunately..She will keep taking whatever he dishes out as long as she has feelings for him,then one day she will wake up and kick him to the kerb..I feel for you all..............