I don't know what to do ....?

Question

Ok so I'll be the first to admit that I've screwed myself and now I don't know what to do. I am not the best person in the world right now and I've made mistakes.Here's what's going on: I was with my ex for 9 years. During those nine years we broke up and got back together MANY times in the beginning and during one of those times ( a three month period) I dated a guy named Mark. He took me places and appreciated me and loved me for me. And I mean he REALLY loved. But I still loved my ex and had to end it. After those three months I left Mark and went back to my ex. My ex and I were together for 6 years straight after that. We moved into an apartment, made plans for the future, both had jobs, we had what people call a LIFE. About a year ago we started growing apart. He worked 1pm to 12am and I worked days. We barely saw each other during the week and on weekends he would either a) sleep b) hang out with his friends c) play on his computer d) play on the play station until the wee hours in the morning...the point is we started "existing" together. We didn't talk anymore really except to say HOW WAS YOUR DAY and we didn't go out anymore. He stopped telling me he loved me like he used to and stopped holding me like he used to. I tried so many times to get him to wake up and stop taking me for granted....and I cried so much.....

So one day I get an e-mail. Guess who from? Mark. The usual stuff; how you doing? any kids? boyfriend? would love to get together...blah blah blah. And, I must admit that when I was with my ex, I would think of Mark from time to time because it seemed to be that we had fun, we could laugh and not take things too seriously. Carefree kinda. My ex was always mad at me for something and Mark was never like that. So, without expecting anything, we started talking again. As friends. I'm sire you know what's next - we started having feelings for each other again... and I left my ex for Mark. Hurt like h**l but I had been through a lot with my ex and didn't want the heartache anymore.

I loved in with Mark. My ex still wants me back and, this is where I get lost, because I feel I want him back too. I mean, I went form leaving my apartment with my ex to living with Mark in 2 weeks - not the best choice and I personally think I'm a bad person for doing so. I don't know if it's because I miss my LIFE. I mean now I'm living with Mark's parents until we get out into our own apartment, I need to find a new job, new car, new life ....I have no more independence. Mark and I get along - but he doesn't seem to UNDERSTAND me like my ex did. And I don't see him LOVING me like my ex did....when he did. I saw my ex once since I had left and he spent HOURS begging me to come home... his eyes were puffy because he cried so much and it broke my heart.... I still love him ... or do I love the idea of him ... I need help! Please! I'm going to go nuts! What do I do? Please .....

Answer 1

Hon you need to slow down, you've been with both your ex & this guy Mark for along while, you got back with both at one time...However you left both of them for a reason too...You seem to care about the 2 of them...But as I understand it, Mark doesn't understand you...You should try & find someone you'll love & respect you for you, a guy who will take the time to understand your feelings, & is mature enough to listen & not take you for granted!

You already been w/ these two, take it easy ok? & just try to find a guy who'll be mature enough to respect & admire you for you, most guys aren't like that...But that's what'll make a relationship work...on both sides..People have to stop taking people for granted, have some maturity, because without maturity there is no real respect, & without  that no co-operation, no friendship...& no love.

You already know what to expect from these two, just move on there are plenty of fish in the sea...You'll find it! But 4 now move on from these two. Some folks are best friends apart, & maybe they are...OK?

Answer 2

you'll probably get more responses if you post this under relationships in YA. good luck.

Answer 3

The feelings we have for one another evolve as time passes. In making a wise decision there are some key questions you should address.

1. When everything is screwed up who most likely will be there for you?

2. When you need to talk who sits down with you and listens quietly and answers only when you ask?

3. Who can you call and they will be there without asking you why.

4. Who treats you special?

5. Who puts you in the best environment for happiness to thrive.

You are not bad, you are only confused. When you look at love don't think of it as what you had... think of it as what you have now. Love can be like a window in time, if not nourished by communication, trust, compassion, and passion... it will be passed by and will never again return. Remember what you had but move on in your life toward someone with whom you can make a new life.

Answer 4

You need some time on your own without either of them to sort through your own feelings.  I suspect that things seem great with Mark because it is new and different,  You and your ex must have something together to last as long as you did and he really does seem to care about you.  Maybe some time apart was just what he needed to see how much he cared about you.  This is a great opportunity for the two of you to sit down and talk about where your relationship is headed and what you need to do to fix it or if you want to fix it.  

Answer 5

You love the idea of him..of the good times you had together.  That may never happen again.

May be Mark is not the answer either.  Live on your own for a while and get your own life straightened out before depending on someone else again.  Mark is just a guy in the rebound after you and the ex were moving apart.