I don't know what to do with my life, never been so lost..?

Question

I am married, although my husband and I have been split for about a year and half. We have a 3 yr old son together who is autistic. I'm about to move out of my parents house, but i'm wondering if I should get my own apartment, OR if I should move back in with my ex who wants me back. The great thing about moving in wtih the ex is that I'll see my son more b/c right now we share 50/50 custody. but on the flip side we havent been togehter for a long time and the feeling is gone. I dont know whether to move in to be with my son, or live on my own and not see my son as much? I'm totally torn...

Answer 1

If it were me, I would move back in with my husband.  Who knows, maybe something will come of it.  Being with you son 100% of the time is natural thing to do.  Being his mommy 100% of the time is your job, as well as your husbands.  I understand that the feelings for your husband may be gone, but that can be worked on.  Try and remember what made you fall in love with him the first time.  Try to reinact those things, for example, if there was a certain perfume you wore when you first got together, wear it.  Or if he wore a certain cologne, have him wear it.  Smells can bring back so many feelings and emotions, it's weird.  Or, if you went on a trip together, go there again.  Just don't let yourself get in the mindset that you can't love him again.  Besides, if you move back in and truely give it a chance, you can always move out later, but if you move out first, it may be to late to move back in with your family later.  I hope you make the right decision.  I know it's very tuff.

Answer 2

you should aim for living on you own. try being independent. i know it'll be hard being away from your son sometimes, but you have to at least try to make it on your own. if it doesn't work out, then i suppose you should try ur ex.

Answer 3

you should all (including your son), sit down and discuss it.

i'm pretty sure you'll get your answer.

hope this helps!

♥ Ira

Answer 4

If you move back in with your Ex and there are no feelings it will affect your son one way or another. Additionally, you will be affected too. I think that you should really consider the life that you want to have for yourself.  Your son will benefit best for the life that makes both you and your Ex happy and that doesn’t necessarily mean getting back together.

It means sitting down first by yourself and them with the input of others an really soul searching on who you are and who you want to be. You are lucky you have choices don’t be so quick to give up that asset to something that will regrettably set you back.

Answer 5

You said that your ex wants you back. Right? I think that it would be harder on your son to live with both parents then have them split up again. And it would be harder on everybody if you are living with someone who you do not love.

So first, I suggest that you try living on your own. Try to move closer to your husband if possible. Then y'all should work on spending more time together. Say your husband has your son for a week ... Go have dinner with them every night or at least every other night and participate in the bedtime routine.

When it is your turn with your son - ask your husband to come over for dinner and participate in the bedtime routine.

After your son is asleep, just hang out with each other and see what happens. Try not to have any expectations and see if that spark comes back. If not - hopefully y'all can at least enjoy watching a movie together or something.

If you find that your feelings will never go beyond friendship - then just accept it. Try to live close to each other so that you can share your son while moving on with your lives.  

Answer 6

Move back in with your ex.

The best situation for your child is for the two of you to work together for his benefit.  Even if the feelings you once had for him are gone, you made vows "for better or worse."  So this is the "worse" part.  Maybe you and your ex will not end up reconciling.  But the least you can do is move back in and put your family back together as best you can for your child's sake.  Working together for your son's sake is a powerful thing, and if you can at least make the effort to get along, you might see your ex differently.

If you can, just try smiling and being friendly, and when you feel like saying something sharp to him, instead think a good, kind thought about him.  Consider thinking, "He makes me mad, but he's a good father, and he's kind and good with our son."  These kinds of things can help you re-route the impulse to blame or argue.

Look at it this way: if you simply cannot work it out together, you will be no worse off than you are right at this moment.  You will have had some extra time with your son.  You will have the assurance that both of you tried your hardest.  There's no down side at all.