I don't like being touched ?

Question

I mean - like, being hugged, someone putting his/her head on my shoulder, someone putting his/her arm around me...etc. It makes me really uncomfortable and it just feels so.. awkward.

I don't think it's normal - is it?

I have someone who says he wants to date me. The thought of kissing or even hugging someone really scares me. I don't want anyone to think I'm a total psycho...

The only people I don't mind touching me are my grandmother, and (to some extent) my parents

Why? And can I make it better?

(I'm 18, don't have many close friends and I've never actually dated anyone)

Answer 1

I'm the same as you. When my friends jumped in the whole... LETS HUG ALL THE TIME bandwagon a few years ago it was really uncomfortable. Now I don't mind hugging, but anything longer than a normal one makes me feel like shoving them (sometimes I still wait for someone to initiate the hug though). Really I figured its because my parents never gave me much physical contact when i was younger since they were busy at work and stuff, and the friends I had during elementary weren't the hugging type either. Also I'm a pretty private person and don't tend to show my feelings often (I am so emo guys. not really) so I never wanted to show affection and it was awkward when people did it to me.

I think that you should take it slow. The bullying most likely made you dislike physical contact, but I guess it can be compared to an abused dog. ..and how they do daily training or whatever to get it to trust others again.

Answer 2

Were you abused in any way at any point in your life?  If so, that might be the reason you don't like to be touched.  However some people just don't like to be touched and that's okay.  Before I got married and was just dating random people, I would initially feel awkward if certain guys touched me.  For me that was a sign that it wouldn't be a good relationship for me.  

If you're really struggling with this (and sounds like you are since you said the thought of hugging somebody really scares you) I would suggest you see a therapist and talk about the issue and figure why you feel that way about touch and ways you can get over your fear of being touched.  

Good luck and hope this helps.

Answer 3

It sounds like you're not used to being around people enough, or you've been through something in your life that makes you uncomfortable.

Many people just need their space, you're not a freak.

Answer 4

I like touching myself... does that count?

Answer 5

This sounds like what my siblings and I are like.  We all have the "don't touch me" rule, and have always been like this.  We weren't huggy or kissy when we were young, it's just not how things were done at our home. It never occurred to us that this was strange until we got into middle and high school.  Sadly it has hindered how we interact with people, because people think we're weird since we don't like being touched or close, and I can see why we are (we're in our 30s). We weren't abused at home, but we were bullied at school.  I also have been diagnosed as having generalized anxiety, and have fought depression most of my life.

None of us have many close friends which is fine by us really. I'm the only one who ever has dated and in that it's taken a long time to get used to the close physical contact in romantic relationships. Work also adds its own problems, since for some reason many people want to overly friendly to coworkers.  The public touching is really upsetting :(

I don't know how to make it better other than trying to allow people to touch you in small steps.  It's how I've dealt with it, but it can be really tough.  Small things like touching hands, little hugs, brushing shoulders, build up from there but at a pace you can handle.  Backslides might happen, where you'll be ok with being touched for a while then go through a bout of not wanting the contact.  Or that the contact goes too fast, just speak up about it, since it can be much worse not telling and being upset than it is just saying you're uncomfortable and getting it in the open.