I don't love you! What to do with roomie's kid?

Question

I live with a roommate and her child (who is there 1/2 time). This is her first child and she is 42. Her father split from them but has custody of the 4 and 1/2 year old the other half of the time. The little girl has terrible habits and because of the lack of consistency between the two parenting styles, it is a recipe for disaster. At my house, the girl still uses a pacifier, falls asleep to movies every night in mommy's arms, eats terribly (she is very picky and eats only ice cream, ramen, spagettios, pbj, waffles, etc. and WILL NOT try anything else without being force fed), she is overweight and is being tested for sleep apnea and worst of all, when she does not get her way, yells "I do not love you! You're a baby!"

I have talked to the little girl about how saying that can be hurtful to other people, to express how you feel by using words like angry, hurt, tired, hungry, and not saying that. But without backup from her mother, which I had for about 2 days, we are back at it. I love kids but I don't love this one. I understand her plight but in my opinion, she's not a good kid, and her mom is not a good mom, although she is a very sweet and loving person. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't know what else to do. I can't take over her parenting responsibilities and whenever I try to make changes, I have mommy and baby against me. Not to mention her self-centered father.

Do I put in more effort or do I just accept that I live with a child with poor manners and that I can only influence her life but not change it? Thoughts?

Answer 1

She isn't your child, so you can't really do anything.  Either accept it and move on, or move out.  That's really all you can do.

Answer 2

how bout mind your bizz about how people raise their kids.why does it bother u that this kids falls asleep to a movie in her mothers arms? whats wrong with u? get over it or tell her to find another place to go.

people like you are the problem.always in others bizzness. stay out of it.

Answer 3

Honestly, I would say... move out. No one can be expected to put up with this child, and you can't (nor should you) take over the parenting. It may seem like an extreme solution, and difficult in a lot of ways, but I still have to say that if I were you, I would start house-hunting, pronto. It's the only way to get out of this situation.

Answer 4

there isn't much you can do. i would accept you live with a poor mannered child and know that you can only influence her life. this will never change becuase of the inconsistancy.

you might want to try and find a different place to live. by yourself or witha roomate that does not have children.

i have three children, but they are mine and my responsibilty. i couldn't live with someone elses child that i could not have some sort of control under my own roof. that has got to be stressful. if she was your step child or your neice or something it would be different, because, it just is. as your roomate, she has absolutely no ties to you whatsoever and it really would not influence your life at all if she was to grow up a smart mouthed, overweight, spoiled brat. you might be sad for her, but that is it. i would worry no more about it and try to either move, be gone when she is there, do your own thing without the child around. good luck!!

Answer 5

Is there a way to gently approach your roomate about her parenting habits?  For instance you can tell her "I have a friend whose daughter acted out like that and she tried XYZ and it worked like a charm."  The key is to not be insulting.  But you can also let her know that certain behaviors are not acceptable and you will be making other living arrangements if they continue.

Answer 6

Find a new roommate, one whose lifestyle is a little bit closer to your own.  Living with a bad roommate is one of the worst things to have to deal with!

Answer 7

I have the same situation with my half-sister and her mother. I tried for a year to be there for her. Take her everywhere with me, help with homework, have her over all the time to ruin my house and drive me crazy. Fortunately, a wise counselor told me that everything I was doing was good, but will have little effect on her because her mother is not reinfircing it. Unlike you however, I dont have to live with the child. I was able to pull myself away from the situation and limit my activity with them.

I would suggest coming to terms with your own feelings of guilt. It is NOT your fault that this child is this way. And you are basically just spinning your wheels here by trying to teach discipline and manners. But what you CAN do and the only thing you can do is to show this child love - real love- when you are with her. Even though you stated that you do not love her... showing her some form of love will do a whole lot more than trying to discipline or make her into a respectable human being. Even if you can only ACT like you love her for a limited time each day... this will help instead of harm.