I don't really understand, is she the love of my life?

Question

Am I delusional or is this real? I've known this girl for over twelve years, we've been friends the whole time. I went away for a few years, and we didn't talk too often, and when I came back things had changed. She used to be funny, and sweet, and kind... She used to hold my hand when we were kids, we were always cast together in plays, at Christmas she was Mary and I was Joseph, ha ha ha...

When I got back in touch with her, she had began to travel down a road that I tried to follow... I just couldn't. She became involved in hard drugs, and we drifted a bit... Recently we met and talked, and when I looked at her, I just felt so... I don't know the word. In love? Ashamed? Sad? I hardly recognized her when I saw her. That night when I got home I just sat on the floor in my bedroom thinking about all the memories we had, as friends, and I cried. I never cry, I felt like I had failed somehow. She's been in and out of treatment for a long time, and I do nothing but try and support her at every corner. She recently broke up with her boyfriend (who was a douche), and is really depressed about it. I want to help her feel better, but I don't know how.

This feeling I have, every day I think and wonder, I feel like if I tell her I love her she'll just turn around and we can be the way we were when we were kids, but I know that isn't true. Life doesn't work that way. In my mind I hold myself responsible for what happened to her, and I know that I had nothing to do with it. It's just, I want to help her in any way I can – but I don't know how. If I tell her how I feel she'll just run off, she's done it before to other people.

I've always felt this way about her since the day we met, I just see her take turn after turn, and she's getting more and more lost, and it tears me up. It's like every time I think about her being the way she is now, I feel like my whole world is crashing down around. The worst part she doesn't want to be how she is now, she tries and tries... But I just don't see her enough to really be helpful.

Do I want to say I love her because I think if I do she'll be back to the way she was?

I know it's not a real question, I just need to vent this off and have somebody read it... and my Family doesn't care, so you strange people from the Internet are best choice, ha ha.

Cheers.

Answer 1

You will never know what shes feeling if u dont ask. She seems troubled, lost in her mind that bad she cannot find anyone not even herself, it is hard to have ur mind set on 1 simple thing wen ur so mixed up. As hard as it may be 4 u if u really deeply love her the best thing 4 u to do rite now is be there 4 her as much as u can show her how much u care 4 her without straight forward telling her u love her  this may take some time! she wont see it at first and sometimes that old saying has to pop up b4 she realizes u cared 4 her more than a friend. U dont no wat u got till its gone!!  But keep yourseelf open to this situation she mite not realise it at all, first things first she needs to find out who she is herself b4 she brings anyone else into her life and it just mite work in ur favor 2 help her after all u r her best mate! but then again respect her decision even if its not the 1 u were hoping 4. deep deep down u both still r the mary and joesph u used 2 be!!!  

good luck, please feel free 2 share the end result it sounds like the perfect fairytale!!

Answer 2

wow. i think the best thing, if she runs away from ppl who tell her they love her, is to be there for her all the time. let her know she can count on you for anything...and follow thru. even if its something stoopid. let her know how u feel about her and her drug habits. if you dont wanna tell her everything then somewhat incorporate what you said here. little by little tell her how u feel. aww.. =/ good luck  

Answer 3

I feel so sorry for you. And myself. How could I ever feel that I loved a person like you...... Know this. No matter how much I try to keep you in my life because i am scared I will never get to "love" as I thought I got with you....but deep down, you know and I know that I dont love you.