I don't see anything wrong with adoption, do you?

Question

I have been reading around about adoption on this website.

I honestly do not understand what's so wrong with adoption?

Have you gone on adoption websites to see kids waiting for families to adopt them?!!! They are virtually homeless and parentless! They have no one to love and care for them. Kids ping pong around in the foster care system or sit in orphanages just waiting for someone to take them home!

For whatever the reason, not enough income, not old enough, too many kids already, etc, parents make and adoption plan for their kids--- what a brave thing to do. And what a beautiful thing that someonelse would want to raise someonelse's children.

So many kids and babies need a forever family. From age 2 days to 12 years, they are waiting to be raised by a couple who can care for and love them as their own.

Often, adoptive parents cannot have children due to infertility for whatever the reason and why not adopt these waiting children?

What's wrong with adoption?

Answer 1

There are pros and cons with everything in the world.  Do more research about adoption and you will find out alot about both sides.  This is a good place to start for some strong polarizing sides...  but investigate using other avenues such as adoption agencies, social workers, and adoptees.  (I probably should have said- ask adoptees first.)

Answer 2

Whats wrong with adoption is that its not a solution(its a band aid) and the demand for young children/babies is causing corruption at the expense of the children and birth parents.

In some cases its needed but in way too many cases its not.

Support for young mothers is put on the back burner because of desperate unethical people that want a baby at any cost and the selfish gov'ts that could careless. Votes and money trump the welfare of a child. Its not every adoptive parent and organization but way too many.

I don't need to browse nor do I suggest others to do it. I lived and worked around  mothers and family's struggling to make ends meet to "know" that too many kids are being placed just because nobody cares to help "them". I've also seen agencies doctor kids up to make them look like they were tossed in the city dump, just to attract the highest and most ignorant buyer.  

I suggest living around anywhere you plan on adopting from so you can really see what the situation is and not what a person making money off of kids, wants you to see.

Being poor shouldn't be a rational for taking a baby away from their family that loves them, never mind their country. In too many international cases this is the reason. I won't go into the incestuous rapes of 12 year old girls and kidnappings, coercions happening to fill  the demand created by ignorance.

Adoption today isn't about placing a child in need its about adults finding a child to fill their needs.

Answer 3

No doubt things go wrong with SOME adoptions. It boils down to ethics and adopting for the right reasons with the best interest of the child in mind.

Adopting to make an "instant family" without considering or preserving the origins of the child  is an old school yet still somewhat common mindset of some PAPs. These children do grow up and will have questions and desires to link with their past. Erasing their past to make APs feel more like a parent is wrong. (Although in cases with abuse or neglect it may be initially necessary).

I often see inexperienced PAPs here who have not researched the potential identity issues an adopted child might experience. Once they realize that adoption is not a "transaction" just to get a child for their own that will be one less thing wrong with adoption.

eta: Impatient One-You know very little about adoption.

Answer 4

I think adoption is a wonderful thing.

Granted there are setbacks and travesties involved with it, but there are problems with process.

Even with my opinion, I have to aknowlege the problems: raping women for babies, illegal adoptions. Then there's just not resembling the rest of your family and feeling like no one understands and there is no one you can talk to about it.  I don't like those things.

So to answer your question. Yes, I do see things wrong about adoption, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't have good as well.

How about when a mother greets her child for the first time? The first time your baby says "Mommy" or "Daddy" or "I love you"? There's nothing wrong with that. For those kids who were adopted and speak negatively on it (although, granted, I don't have your experiences): How about the love and support that you recieved from your parents? What was wrong with that?  Or having two people who love you unconditionally stand beside you at your graduation? What was wrong with that?  Or the birthdays, Christmases, and just those random days that you needed them, your parents were there for that.  There isn't any garentee that your biological mother would have been able to have been there (because she had to work to put food on the table).

What it comes down to is that we have to see both sides of adoption, good and bad, and then decide which side is larger. The answer is the good side. For giving infertile couples who've longed to be parents for years their baby, for giving a child the best total life AND lifestyle possible, and for making families complete- For all of that, adoption is good.  I may only be 15 and I'm not adopted myself, but I stand by what I've said.

Adoption is good.

Answer 5

I think adoption is wonderful unless the child is raised in a g*y family. I see a lot of that and I really do think it it wrong, but that is my opinion... sorry if anybody disagrees.

Answer 6

There is obviously some very bitter people on this web-site and they probably have the right to be. One never knows the life of another. Adoption is about loss. My children lost their mother/father, other siblings. But then they gained a mother/father and hole network of family. My children (who know they were adopted even a 3 & 2) will someday revisit this loss again. Someday they will search and I hope they find what they search for. But regardless of this they still have their mother and father behaid them. Adoption when your in for the right reasons is wonderful. I adopted two siblings from foster care, as a first choice (I am more then capable for having children). I wanted to be mother simply put. So do not let people sway your thoughts of adoption. Raising children is hard period, adoption just adds some extra hardships but nothing that would ever detir me, and i hope it will not for others either.

Answer 7

i am adopted.  it is gruelling and painful to be separated from your mother.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with adoption.

Yet, in more cases than not, these children are taken from their abusive families or left after their parents die. Some people are just wary about taking care of 'broken' children. Dealing everyday with a problem caused by someone who is no longer in their lives.

Unfortunately, for most people, adoption is too expensive or they want a baby and have to spend years waiting on a list.

Answer 9

But the children are waiting because the adopters aren't adopting the ones who need a home!  Don't you see the demand for baybeeeeeeee!  it's all about gimme a baby, never about the needs of the waiting children

Nothing wrong, eh

You must be deaf, dumb and blind to all the unethical practices in the infant adoption industry then.    Do you just close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and go "la la la it's not happening and adoption is always 100% perfect"

Answer 10

A lot of people are afraid of genetics. You get a lot from your parents. i guess people are afraid to get a sick kid with bad gentics that makes him mean. I personally think thats c**p, the person you are comes from how you were raised, with love or hate?

Answer 11

WOULD YOU LIKE A LIST? Give me a min.

1.) for an adoption to take place, there has to be a loss. Parents lose their baby, babies lose their parents. Think of it like a heart transplant. Someone has to die to make it happen.

2.) there are people who bank on convincing people to plae their children or adopt others children. Less then ethical thing lead to regrets and pain.

3.) Closed records hurt people. Just imagine having something so huge hidden from you. Someone has the truth, but you aren't considered mature enough to handle your own info, even if you are 50.

4.) you have people who adopt children they aren't ready to parents, because society puts pressure or financial incentives on them. That may lead people to adopt for the wrong reason and possibly more likely to resent their child.

5.) The adoption tax credit was intended to promote needed adoptions, but agencies have just increasder their fees by that amount. They claim that the costs are justified, but if that were true then why would it be income based in most cases? Does it actually take more resources to place a child with a wealthier family?

6.) Most states have a72 hour waiting period. Somehow agencies have used this timeline to suggest that women need to sign AT 72 hours. I don't see why first parents aren't encouraged to maintain their rights until right before finalization. That way if there is a change of heart, it's just a matter of giving the child back.

still working on it, gimme a few more min.

Answer 12

Like anything done for love, adoption is a wonderful thing.  Is it perfect?  No, nobody said it was or can be.

Answer 13

The intent is a good thing, i.e. finding families for children who simply do not have one. However, it's not necessarily a "good thing" that it exists in the first place. What child wants to be abandoned? It frightens me to think of the emotions that may envelop my daughter when she is old enough to understand that she was abandoned (most likely) for the crime of being a girl. It won't feel good and no platitudes from me are going to take that pain away. Humans being the way we are, adoption will always exist because there will always be people who are unwilling or unable to care for their children. My daughter is my greatest joy, but I know that it came at a great price for her.

Answer 14

Are you adopted?  

Children who are truly without homes and loved ones are tragic and need to be cared for.  

Adoption, as practiced in the U.S., too often results from women giving up children when that doesn't need to happen.  It results in children losing their heritage, their connection to their history.  

Adoption comes from loss.  A child who is adopted has lost his or her family.  When you say adoption is good, are saying loss is good?  If you don't think the loss suffered by the child is good, then why praise adoption?  Adoption, when it happens, is predicated on loss.  There is tragedy that is too often unacknowledged.  And it's compounded by the legal lie that is created in its wake.

Answer 15

Who said there was something wrong with adoption?

Answer 16

Adoption sucks donkey d**k.

Would you want your mother to abandon you?  Somehow I don't think that's the path that YOU would choose for your life.

Answer 17

There is nothing wrong with a family caring for a child who has no family.  But adoption is not simply about that.  There is so much more that goes on with the adoption industry and with the laws surrounding adoption.  Some of this is quite wrong.  

Phil brought up a very good point.  Adoption cannot happen without a huge loss occurring first -- the loss of one's family.  Getting a new family via adoption doesn't erase the loss.  It's still there.  

There are also so many instances of women who have decided that relinquishment is their only option due to finances, age, marital status or a combination.  Many of these women would prefer to raise their child, but feel they don't have the resources to do so.  They believe their child would be better off without them, even if it's not the case.  

One real kicker in the whole adoption scenario is that of discrimination by the state toward adopted citizens.  If parents give their children up for adoption, the child still has access to  his or her original birth documents.  They are not sealed.  If the child remains unadopted, that right still remains.  Those documents are not sealed.  However, as soon as an adoption finalizes, an adopted citizen loses the right to access his or her own birth document -- a right enjoyed by all other citizens (including those simply given up for adoption but not adopted.)  In 44 states, the adult adopted person cannot access his or her birth record.  This shows discrimination by the state in its relationship to its adopted citizens.  

If there is NOTHING wrong with adoption, then why are adopted citizens treated unequally under the law in 44 states?

Answer 18

I'll tell you what's wrong with adoption.  It costs WAY too much for it to happen.  Children should easily be able to be adopted, so long as the family is decent.  They should leave you with the money so that you can spend it on your new child.

Let me clarify.  I am getting alot of thumbs down on this one.  What I MEANT is that adopting a child is a good thing, but it should be free because it costs SOOOO much.  Then you will have so much more money to spend on your newly adopted child to make them happy.  They should still do the checks to make sure the family is ok that the child is going to.  I have been thinking about adopting, but the cost is so much I could never afford it.  Adoption is good.  The only thing I can find WRONG is the high cost.  I think people are misunderstanding me.

Answer 19

I was a child put into the foster system when I was only 6mths old (both my parents died in an accident). I was well aware of the fact that my different sets of foster parents weren't my 'real' parents at a VERY young age (told MANY, MANY times by some of the jerks to be exact)...by the time I was placed into a half decent home I was already to old by their standards for them to adopt...bless them though, they treated me great while I was there even though they didn't want to make it permanent. They were the only 'parents' that had ever treated me like a human child and not a inconvenience that provided them with a monthly check. I became very attached to them, even called them mom and dad with their permission of course. I was devastated when I was ripped from their home when the 'system' found their dream child they always wanted to adopt, and I was placed in a group home, where my life once again became h#ll. I would have LOVED to be adopted and have a family! I don't understand why there seems to be such a negative light cast upon the subject of adoption....

Answer 20

Nothing is wrong with adoption. It is a great way to make a family.

Answer 21

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption. Actually I think even couples that can have their own children should still look into it. There are many many children that just need love and a place to lay their heads every night and know that they're safe. A child doesn't have to have your genes to be special, and every child deserves to know that they are special. Adoption is a very beautiful thing.

Answer 22

I can't think of one time on this board that someone has said adoption from foster care is bad.  These are kids who need homes, because they have lost their families.  But most people don't want to adopt children from foster care.  They want an infants.

But you might want to educate yourself on the other side of adoption as experienced by those of us who have lived it as opposed to those who either benefit from it from adopting, or agencies & lawyers who profit from dismanteling families.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Answer 23

I have never seen anyone on here (or anyplace else, that I can think of) that was negative about adoption...

Abortion yes, but not adoption....

The only complaint I have seen is about celebrities adopting foriegn kids......

Answer 24

nothing is wrong with adoption, my boyfriend and i are thinkin bout adopting