I don't think I was wrong, but want to know how others see it.?

Question

Need to ask If am I right, or wrong? Loaned a lot of money to a 28 yr old grson. He is single. Agreed he would pay every mo. That was 4 yrs ago.

He won't open my notes to him asking for him to pay something on the loan. So I haven't talked to him for over 2 yrs. Finally had a chance to talk to him and tell him what I thought of his word to me. It means nothing. I said.... If you can't pay your debts and keep getting tickets and going to jail because you drive on suspended license etc. then I think you are just a bum. Justified or not??

He does work every day...he lives w/his mother, pays no rent etc, has a baby w/some girl....he only dated one time. I'm sorry, but this is a bum to me. Like to hear some feedback. His father, my son is very upset w/me for calling his son a name. What do you think?

Answer 1

I know you are not calling him names to hurt him, but to open his eyes on how he treats others.  However, name-calling can be very offensive to the grandson, and naturally, the father (your son) is going to be defensive.  Even if your child does wrong, you never want them to be hurt.  The best approach would be to show your grandson love... even if he is not acting well.  The money he owes you is a wedge in your relationship.  Just forgive the debt and apologize to him for being demeaning and just explain to him that you thought you were helping to motivate him.  Tell him that you want to find out if he is depressed or needs help in learning responsibility... but in a loving way.  When he is acting out, it is because he craves attention and wants love.  He is just young and confused.  You and his parents that are older need to try to help him instead of constantly tearing him down.  He already knows he has problems.  When you call him a bum, he is actually trying to live up to that.  It is a "self-fulfilling prophecy" on his life.  Try to help him even if he is rude and lazy.  You need to be the bigger person in this.

Answer 2

I would be upset with him as well,however the name calling should not have been done. This sort of thing is what will cause a lot more problems down the line. You may not think that much of your Grandson,but next time keep it to yourself. The reason I say this is,because my Mom has said things like this too me all of my life,even though I have accomplished a lot more in my lifetime than she ever has. She has made me bitter and angry all of my life,so much to the point that I thought of ending  my life and my marriage at the same time. She has never had anything good to say about anyone for very long,and this has crippled by self-esteem.This sort of thing is not going to help your grandson,it will only make things worse,and remember what he is taught he will pass down to the next generation,and so on. Just ask God to forgive you, and try to make peace with your Grandson and your son,before something happen,s too all of you,life is to short to hold grudges. Also you would not like it if someone call you names,it would not help you want to get up and do something with your life,it would only make you want to give up trying all together.Humans should not judge one another,let the Lord do that. Good Luck and God Bless You, I really hope what I said,rang home with you. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Answer 3

Justified and take him to court. And the situation is between you and your grandson. Good luck.

Answer 4

I agree with you. He is a bum. But what does "mo" mean? Month? Morning?  

Answer 5

As a lesson I've learned in life.... NEVER loan money to friends or family. Give it as a gift or don't give it at all. It can strain relationships (as you well know). You should have known better than to loan him money anyways when he's doesn't exactly sound like Mr. Responsible. I don't know what to tell you. Its a hard situation. In the scheme of things... it really is a petty issue. I hope you can find resolve. Good luck.