I don't understand the foster care process?

Question

I would like to become a foster care for many reasons. I love kids, I want my daughter to have siblings, and i've always wanted to give back. My question is i've started the process and the lady at foster care has informed me that my fiancee has to go to training as well. His work schedule however does not permit this. She then informed me that fostering is not for us? it pisses me off that we are a loving family that can offer a nurturing home to a child and we can't because of these rules. Is there anything i can do?

Answer 1

To outsiders, it may seem that you both are not fully committed to being foster parents.

Your fiancee, even though at work all day, will still be a major role player in a foster childs life, therefore it would be just as important for him to attend the training as well.

If he can't get work off, or make time to attend, it comes across as not being 100% dedicated.

Answer 2

Hello.  It is very nice that you want to help some foster kids out.  But the reason your fiancee HAS to attend those classes and be part of the home-study, etc is because he will eventually be part of the child's life.  And the more he knows the better.

Most foster kids come from homes where there was severe abuse and neglect.  They have emotional, behavioral, and developmental problems.  Your fiancee NEEDS to go because he needs to learn about this and the effects on the child and how to work with the child.  You might punish your daughter one way, and if you did the same thing to a foster child, it could freak them out.

The reason your fiancee NEEDS to go is because it is to benefit the child.

What you can do?  Simple.  Get your fiancee to training.  If you can not commit to that, you can not care for foster children.  They are alot of work.  You don't just get a child and it will be swell.  Most kids are great for a couple of weeks (the honeymoon period) and then the testing begins.  They don't know you, trust you, care about you.  You mean nothing to them in the beginning.  

You have caseworkers, resource workers, adoptive workers, GALS, judges, bio-families, etc to deal with.  Part of the training teaches you this.  Part of the training introduces you to the HORRIBLE effects of abuse and neglect.  Part of the training teaches you about ways to handle foster children.

For example:  You probably punish your daughter by taking things away for a time period.  Common punishment.  Guess what?  If you took something away from a foster child, they probably would not give a ****.  It has no effect, because most of them are not used to having anything.

You probably give your daughter a bath.  Maybe you close the door.  Guess what?  Some foster kids are TERRIFIED of baths and closed doors.  What are you going to do?

You probably are used to your daughter eating normally.  Guess what?  You foster child might steal food, hide it in their rooms, under their beds.  What are you going to do to help with the hoarding??

These are issues that hopefully you learn about in TRAINING.  It is needed for a purpose.

I agree with the worker.  If you cannot commit to the first part, the training, you probably won't be able to commit the hardest parts, dealing with the child.

Answer 3

I have to agree with crazy pregnant lady, everybody in the household needs to be on board! If your fiancé does not attend classes and is certified.  You are unable to leave the foster  child with him, for any amount of time - not even run to the store to pick up a gallon of milk and be back in five minutes. Furthermore children within the system understands, who cares and who doesn't. And will quickly picked up on why he or she cannot stay home alone with your fiancé.  Social services has to protect the emotional psyche of the child, a child that has a battered and distorted self-confidence. If your fiancé cannot find time to attend the foster parent classes. In my honest opinion.  How can this be a nurturing environment, if only one parent is on board? .   I'm sorry to be so brutal.

Answer 4

I agree with Alyssa's Mommy....

What kind of job does he have that he can't take off a couple of days for the sake of your future child?

A nurturing environment would require everyone in the household to care about the welfare of the children in that household. Since that also includes your fiance, then--by not making time for the critical education needed to successfully care for an adoptive child--he is saying that an adoptive child isn't his priority right now. There is nothing YOU can do....you both must be on the same page with adoption....if he isn't, you can't do anything to change that. If he is, then he would take time off work to attend the classes....which in most states don't take more than 2-3 days. Our state had numerous days, weekends, nights, all sorts of options. You can also try other locations throughout your state, which may have different hours, but frankly, I don't think the hours have anything to do with it if he is simply unwilling to take off work.

Answer 5

Foster care isn't the best hun.

I lived in foster care for awhile.

They literally lost my little brother, they had no idea where he was, it took us 2 months to find him.

I suggest charity.

Maybe locks of love?

Answer 6

If you are involved with someone, (husband, boyfriend, live-in) then this committment is one by both of you. If he is unable to committ to the training, it only  makes sense that the foster agency will question his committment to the foster-child relationship. I am sure you both have good intentions, but this really needs to be an "all in" or "all out" because these foster children have been through too much already. They need to have highly trained families taking care of them.

Sorry...but I agree with the foster care counselor on this one.

Answer 7

It is in the child's best interest for both parents to attend those classes. A lot of foster kids have emotional issues and the classes will at least give you a tiny taste of what to expect. I guess they feel if your husband can't make time for such valuable classes he won't have much time for the foster children either.

Answer 8

No every adult in the home most go through the process and be licensed.  It is for the protection  of the kids. They do background  checks let you know the rules etc.   Also after you have been licensed (at least in my state)  you have to keep up your license  with more trainings about development etc. They do them on nights and weekends to.

YOu can go to a private agency that license people they usually have a greater opportunity classes  

Answer 9

Unless you are the ONLY one who will be providing care for these kids, have access to these kids, live with these kids, and/or be alone with these kids, he NEEDS to take the classes.  If he's not able to, then your family is not meeting the requirements.  It's nothing against you.  The system is set up to protect children, not help you feel like a savior.