I don't want a bridal shower! People didn't understand my reasoning last time!

Question

I'm getting married next month and my MOH asked me if I wanted a bridal shower, I said no because we just had a baby shower for me last month and I really don't want one. My MOH and bridesmaid(I only have one bridesmaid)accepted that and we went on with the planning.

However, when my cousin got wind I wasn't having a bridal shower, she called me and said "Come on Tori, having a bridal shower is a tradition! How can you break tradition?" I said "I'm not having a traditional wedding Vera, so please don't stress about it." I thought she understood but yesterday my bridesmaid called me and said "Vera's throwing you a bridal shower! It's going to be a suprise!". I went into complete and utter shock. I told her to tell Vera to cancel it, but my bridesmaid said it was too late and that she's the one that's suppose to lure me to my cousin's house to go to the suprise shower!

Well I'm not going, I don't want a shower!

What am I supposed to do? Tell my cousin or just not show up?

PS: I don't want a bridal shower becuase I think they're silly and wasteful and that it's just a scheme for more gifts. I've never wanted a bridal shower as a girl, even though I thought I'd be having a big wedding, but I'm not, it's going to be a small outdoor ceremony and then dinner at Red Lobster.

Answer 1

try and get them to cancel. if that fails, just show up and be grateful.  

Answer 2

If you are going to try to not go you owe it to your cousin to give her something else she can do. Yes, she was out of line in throwing you a shower against your wishes, but unless you've given her another way she can celebrate the fact that you're going to get married (celebrating you getting married doesn't cut it) you're just going to have to put on a game face.

You got to have a nice wedding, that helps. I'm not only having a shower, but one is a hen shower, AND we're having a big wedding, complete with photographer and dancing.

Answer 3

Just swallow it and go, its only a few hours out of your life

Answer 4

Just don't go...simple as that..refuse to be 'lured' and if you get 'encouraging' phone calls, tell them you are unavailable because you have other plans, if they have to spill the beans, then you will not be attending because your wishes were totally ignored...they can consider the shower gifts wedding gifts ,or return them, or re-gift them to another.......

....and on the off chance they decide to bring the shower to you, make sure you are not home......

If it's known that your cuz 'spilt the beans' on this she can get into trouble...this way they think you either figured it out by yourself, or truely have another engagement you cannot break....good luck.

Answer 5

I know you don't want a bridal shower and you pretty much made that clear to your family/bridesmaids. However, you werent' supposed to find out about the surprise. Had they not told you and you were surprised like it was intended, would you really have been this angry about it?

I think you should pretend that they haven't told you about it and go anyway. Dont' hurt Vera's feelings. She's thinking with her heart. :)

Congrats by the way!

Answer 6

Call your cousin and have a talk with her. I am sure that she had only the best of intentions in mind. She probably only wanted to make sure that you get treated properly as a bride.

If she has already set up the bridal shower and it is to late to cancel everything then maybe you should think about attending.

I know that you don't want one, but what's done is done. If it is to late for her to take it back then maybe you should consider going and just having a nice time.  

Answer 7

If you don't want a bridal shower, I understand, I don't want one either.  It would, however, be kind of rude to decline it when your friend is trying to do something nice for you.  Everyone knows it's a surprise, so they know you didn't know and therefore are not scheming for more gifts.  Just suck it up and go.

If you are really stuck on not going, then let your cousin know that you didn't want it and aren't going.  But I think it will cause more harm than good.

Answer 8

I can see where you are coming from as I did not want a shower either and luckly my friends and family respected that.  I find them to be a total gift grab as the people attending the shower are also invited to the wedding and if they choose to give a gift will likely give a wedding gift.  I would simply call you cousin and tell her straight up that you heard about the shower she is planning you and that you thought you made it perfectly clear you did not want one.  if she still pushed it then tell her your sorry, but she will be throwing a shower without a bride attending.  do not give in to it if you really dont want one.  these people should be respectingyour wishes here.  I would have been very angry and not attended a shower if one was thrown for me either.  

Answer 9

Although Vera is throwing this for you and you will get gifts - realize this isn't FOR you, it's for your friends and family to enjoy the excitement of your engagement and wedding. The wedding is your day - a shower is really for other people. A lot of people find it fun going to parties and fun to bask in the excitement of other people's fun events. Are all the people going to be at the shower invited to your wedding? The shower is also a good place for those not invited to share their wishes.

Since you didn't ASK for the bridal shower, you're not really asking for gifts - the people attending get to decide that.

Even if you still despise the idea - I'd play along and try to have fun. Heck you even might! :)

Good luck!

Answer 10

Just suck it up.  If people want to throw you a bridal shower just let them.  You'll come off being more rude by refusing than by accepting the gifts people choose to give you.

I never wanted any bridal showers either, but it meant a lot to my family and friends so I let them do it.  No point of being b***** to people who just want to wish you happiness and give you a small token of their affection and happiness for you.