I don't want kids at my wedding

Question

Ok, my fiance and I are getting married probably next year (just a small intimate ceremony with close friends and family) the thing is I don't really want any kids there expect our own as flower girls. How can I tell people politely that they can't bring their children. I don't want to sound like a ***** or anything. Its not that I don't like kids its that I think they (the parents) might be able to relax a bit and have the oppurtunity for a night off. I know if I was invited to a wedding that said no kids I would be thinking 'at last a day/night away from the kids' I know not everyone is like that though. Also there are alot of kids in my family and circle of friends so one reason for not having them would be to cut the cost down a bit. Should I just invite them anyway to make everyone happy (I know only a few people would have a problem with it but mostly everyone else would be fine as long as they could get someone to look after them for a few hours) or should I say no kids. I want everyone to be happy but at the same time its mine and my fiance's wedding and we're the ones paying for it.

I actually just want to elope and have no more than 20 people (family and friends) celebrate with us, just something small and intimate like I said before.

Has anyone on here ever had a wedding with no kids? What were the reactions of family and friends when you told them?

Thanks. :)

Answer 1

I was going to answer this question but Oy Vey said it perfectly.  You have every right to have the wedding you want.

Idea - If you are having any guests from out of town, perhaps you could arrange a babysitter or two for groups of kids at the hotel or something.  The easier you make it for people, the more likely people are to follow your wishes.  Perhaps you could slip a card in the invites of people with children from out of town along with any hotel info you are sharing...

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 2

I am a SAHM mom of two, and I clearly believe that having kids at weddings should be the exception, not the rule.   I never mind when my kids aren't invited - as long as I have enough time to find a babysitter.

Now, the difference would be if I had to travel out of town.  But even then, you can hire a babysitter to watch the kids for your out of town guests.

Address the envelope to the adults only, and put "Adult recpetion (dinner, etc.) to follow" .

Answer 3

I've only been to one wedding where kids WERE invited and it was a nightmare. They were all over the place, spilling stuff on the dancefloor, under the feet of their parents and everyone else and basically bored because there was nhingf or them to do at the reception. Normally if their names are not on the invitation, they are not invited. My BFF had a situation arise where a relative brought her 4 and 6 -year-old children to the reception but their mom provided crayons and coloring books as well other things for them to do. That was okay because their mom KNEW they were not invited, apologized profusely for a sick babysitter and kept her kids under control.

It's def. not rude to not include the kids. What IS rude is bringing the Hellions to the wedding and letting them run amuck.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Yikes!  You are treading on thin ice with this etiquette issue!

Generally etiquette states that the invite and inner envelope should state the person or people you are inviting, so if the kids are left off it should be understood they are not invited.  Etiquette also states that the invitee should understand these rules and adhere to them.  Reality is this never happens.   Most of the time, the parents will hire a sitter and want to have fun for a few hours without junior in tow; however, once you state that you do not want kids then everyone wants to bring their child!  I've seen it.  My advice is not to print "no kids please", correctly address the invite and wait for responses.  If you start seeing the kid count add up, call to confirm that the child is indeed coming then let the parent know that the child will be welcome in the "kids room" where they will be taken care of by a sitter.   This generally will weed out a lot of the parents bringing their child, but if not, hire a local sitter and have the venue provide a separate room for the kids.  Most of the time you are not charged for the room and you can have the venue provide much cheaper food for the kids.  Your kids will probably like it better too.  Provide crayons and a movie. Trust me it will be worth the extra little money to provide care and everyone is happy.

Z.

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Answer 5

I didn't want children at my wedding and even banned anyone who was pregnant from attending.  As a result I had only 3 guests (one of who was the priest) and therefore an inexpensive wedding.  I now have no friends.  

Answer 6

I seriously do not believe for a moment you are so concerned with your guests having "a night off"...isn't that for THEM to decide?  Maybe THEY don't feel like they NEED a night off.....

You will look like a TOTAL WITCH if you say no kids......UNLESS you are having a sit down meal with reserved seats.

I am just being honest.

ADD ON-  I don't think most people assume the kids are invited...most receptions are "sit down" and most people don't usually bring their kids.  Are you having something informal???  Or Formal?  I myself have never assumed my kids were invited.  Just a thought.....

Answer 7

You're perfectly within your right to do this - don't put the children's names on the invitations (inner OR outer envelope). However, some parents won't see it as a "night off" - they will see it as a night when they have to find a babysitter and they may not be able to do so, or they may not feel comfortable leaving their children with someone. This is going to be especially true for your family members, who would usually leave their kids with Grandma or someone else who is going to be at the wedding. As long as you are fine with some guests not attending because of their responsibility to their kids (rightfully their first priority), you can do as you please.

However, if you really want it to be a night off for the parents AND have all of your guests come, offer childcare at the ceremony and reception, and let parents know that there will be someone to watch their children throughout the evening. Have a little room for the kids, with videos, dinner, etc, and staffed by reputable child care professionals, within the reception venue (so that parents can peek in and make sure everything is okay). This might be a good compromise to the "no kids"/"kids running amok" conundrum.

Answer 8

Why not have a separate room at the reception and hire a couple local girls to look after the kids? That way the parents are getting time off but the kids are still close by and you are not burdening the parents with having to find a babysitter. One of my cousins had a no kid reception and it was a real hassle for alot of the parents my brother included bc he was coming from out of town. My youngest brother ended up having to miss out on the reception so he could babysit.  

Answer 9

1) Many weddings are NOT children friendly

2) Too many parents let their kids run wild

3) many weddings are adult affairs

4) The bridal couple's children can be the only exception, especially if they are in the bridal party

5) Set an age limit 'Adults only...No children under age..........

6) Be prepared for flack...there are those who will always feel their opinion on this entitles them to ignore the wishes of the wedding couple

I have been to both kinds of weddings...never took my kids being excluded as anything to stress about...no one has the right to dictate the kind of wedding you want, a adult affair, or family style with kids.....there is no right or wrong...it is purely a preferance of the bridal couple...and should be honored reguardless....ya don;t like it, stay home......good luck.

Answer 10

Just send the invitation and say Mr. ???? and Mrs. ??????

and at the bottom say Adult Reception Only. and people will understand trust me

Answer 11

Well its an all or nothing situation.  you cant have a couple kids (flower girls) and not allow others to bring thier own children.

Simply state on teh invitation "Adult Only Event"

and get a babysitter for teh reception for the flower girls

Answer 12

I don't see any issue with not having children at a wedding.  It should really be an adult affair.  As the others have said, you simply state "Adults only reception" on the invitation.  Some people may be offended, but they may also be the ones who don't mind their kids when they're there.

Good luck.

Answer 13

you don't have to have kids at your wedding if you don't want them there!!!  as other people said, put "adult reception only" or address the invite to just the parents.  kids are not allowed at my wedding either, and i don't feel bad.  sorry, but i am not paying $85 for a kids meal!  it should be an adult affair if that is what the bride and groom, or the people paying for it, want.  

if there are a lot of people who can't come because they can't find a sitter or whatever (lame excuse if you ask me, people should have more than enough time to find a sitter), then what you can do, which is what a friend of mine did, she went on www.sittercity.com, and put up a post asking for 3 people to come and watch like 10 kids for the evening because her parents friends coming in from out of town had to bring their kids with them, but since kids weren't allowed at the wedding, they arranged sitters for the night.  my friend wound up getting 3 girls straight from the babysitters club basically, and it worked out great!  they went to the hotel where the families were staying and the kids had an absolute blast!!!  its not the best advice, but its an option!

Answer 14

since you want to elope, do something like that - have the wedding and reception at least out of town, for preference out of state, and invite people to come to join you, and pay their own dinner costs etc instead of a gift!

when they have to pay air fares and accommodation, people are much less inclined to bring kids.

have an adult gathering for the wedding itself, then on your return home, have a barbecue or afternoon party for all the relatives and friends, kids included, to celebrate.

Answer 15

Just address the invitation specifically to the parents.  "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" not "Smith Family" and if they reply with 4 people, you can call them and clarify that due to budget or space constraints, children cannot attend (just make sure the space constraint thing is true because you don't want to book a hall that holds twice and many people as you invite and claim there isn't space for others).

Just a note: I also did not want children at my wedding and I said this to many people, and most people were like: "That makes sense" and then my future in-laws (who originally accepted the no children thing) were like: "But you have to have uncle larry's son there, it would be rude not to because the family is so close, but if they are second cousin's or something then that makes sense not to have their kids"

In the end it made no sense to have "levels" of who's children could and could not attend because then guests get there without their kids, and other kids are there and they feel like they were shafted or something (what am I going to do, bring a chart of "family closeness" that determines who can bring children?).

So because it was just turning into so much bother before we had even set a date, I just gave in, because if they want to bring their kids, they will.  But when they have to leave right after dinner, before the music and drinking starts because their 5-year-old really shouldn't be at a wedding that goes until 1 am anyway, that's their problem, not mine.

Good Luck (I feel your pain).

Answer 16

I went to a wedding that did not allow children.  The only problem with your idea is that your own children are allowed.  But the invitation I received said "Please no children under 10".  Or when you address the invitations do not include the family, but just the husband and wife.  You can double check that they are following your lead by the number of guests they check off on your RSVP card.

If they have a child & their RSVP card says 3, you could give them a friendly call asking who the 3rd person is and reminding them that you asked for no children.

Another wedding I went to provided a babysitter for everyone to drop children off at at the hotel.

Answer 17

many people get offended if you state no kids. I know I was invited to a wedding with the same stipulation and many of the guests did not go as they had no one to leave their children with,also they felt it to be an outragous request.Weddings are for families and children are what make families.If your worried about the cost why don't you elope and that way inviting 20 people or so will be acceptable and no one will be offended due to the no children stipulation.A small and intimate celebration as you wish. Good Luck!

Answer 18

Kids don't belong at wedding receptions.   It's your wedding.  They'll get over it.

Answer 19

i am in the same boat here. I am including this information on the wedding invitation that only children in the wedding party will be allowed for. if you are having a close family and friend wedding then they should know you well enough to respect your wishes.

Answer 20

I don't know when taking children to a wedding reception became appropriate.  This really is not a party for children.  Put the names of the adults only on the invitation and if you feel it necessary, indicate an Adult Only reception on the RSVP card.  If you are having guests from out of town, perhaps a couple of older teenage relatives can provide baby sitting services for those who will need child care.  Also, you could consider hring a Nanny service for the evening for children of out-of-towners.  

Answer 21

I don't blame you i hate kids, there dirty, loud, and weird

Answer 22

If you don't want kids, don't invite them. When you start to receive the RSVPs, if someone has indicted kids are coming, then you call and say, "Hi - I see you RSVPd for everyone in the family. The thing is, we didn't invite any children to the wedding." If they say they can't/won't come without children, then you say, "I'm sorry you can't work it out - we'll miss you. But in case you can work it out, we'll just put you as a maybe until X date so call us if works out."  That leaves them the opportunity to find a sitter and come to the wedding. But if they are going to get their noses out of joint because they can't bring their little darlings, then so be it. The simple fact is this: not all parties/occasions/events are appropriate for children. Some parents can't handle that fact of life but that's their issue, not yours.

As for invitations, it is never correct to put "No children" or "Adults only" on an invitation. By the fact that the kids' names are not on the envelope is notice that they are not invited.

It is entirely correct not to include children at weddings. I'm of the opinion that if alcohol is served, children should NOT be invited. People tend to relax and there's far too much opportunity for kids to get their hands on booze and for adults to imbibe a little too much and not be the best example of maturity for kids, if you know what I mean. Excluding children is fine, particularly if alcohol will be served.

Hope this is helpful!

Answer 23

On your invitations you simply put "Adult Only Reception" and omit the names of any children on the invitation.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to have no children at a wedding.

As a parent, I prefer not having the kids with me.  I feel that wedding receptions are a place to visit with relatives and not worry if little Johnny is sticking a finger in the cake or spinning on the dance floor bothering people.  I would rather leave my kids with a sitter I trust for the night.

Edit** I have been to adult only receptions out of the country and did make arrangements for my kids to be with other kids their age and their nanny.  No problems at all!  We met the other kids and parents a few days before hand and all was well.  My kids now have e-mail buddy's in another country.  The bride knew ours would be with us, but that the reception was adult only and made arrangements for ours to go with the nanny.  It can work out very well.