I don't want to attend my older brother's wedding?

Question

Am I wrong for not wanting to attend my older brother's wedding?

I have other things to do, and not only this, I kind of disagree with the consumerism of the wedding.

Both he and his soon-to-be-wife are spending $40,000 on this one day event. It is complete with little plastic things that will be thrown away straight afterwards, bits of confetti paper that will be swept away and that 100 trees were cut down for. Everyone will have a five course meal when millions around the world cant even find a grain of rice to eat.

I just really feel wrong for attending.

I just hate excess!

Am I being selfish?

Answer 1

Yes you are wrong.

You should go, the wedding is about your brother and his wife, not the decorations and the food.  How will it make him feel if his own brother won't show up at his wedding? It's an important day in his life and you shouldn't worry about that other stuff, just this once. Do it for him.

Answer 2

Bla bla bla, He is your brother: Regard spending this day with him as your wedding gift. "I have other things to do" - what a laaaaaaame excuse. Just go and stop complaining. Yes, you are very selfish and hunger for a lot of attention. Attend, even if you do it only for your mom!

Answer 3

You should go, despite your opinions on the excess materialism of modern weddings...You could really damage your relationship with your brother, it would be selfish if you didnt go

Answer 4

I understand that you don't like his wedding, but come on, it's your brother. This is what he and his wife want. $40,000 is a bit too much, I have to agree on that. Especially on the waste of paper and plastic and it's effect on the environment. But come one, he's still your brother. You love him, you know him, and he wants you to be with him and bless him on the next part of his life. I think it would be terrible if you didn't go. Tell him now what you think of his excess, nicely, but still go to the wedding to support him. And since he has money to use it's really not bad for him to enjoy himself. He can afford a five course meal, and donating it to people of something won't make that much of a difference, there's not much he can do. Let him and your sister in law enjoy themselves, and be a kind supporting sister. If you absolutely can't go, go for at least the ceremony, not the meal or something like this. Love and support him, he's your brother. What you are doing is just silly, l think you're being a little stubborn and should just enjoy this important occassion for your brother.  

Answer 5

attend the wedding, and contribute whatever you'd have spent on a present to whatever is the best environmental cause wherever you are.

You can run up something on a computer as a wedding card saying

"Because i care about the earth, I have given(cause) a donation in the names of(brother and bride)so they can have the planet share in their joy."

LAY IT ON THICK.

And have your cause enrol them in the email webletter!

    

Answer 6

You're not being selfish, you're being self-aggrandizing.

"I have other things to do"?? A $40000 wedding must have been planned for a year, how long ago did you make your plans?

You should be able to ask for a vegetarian meal (better for the environment than meat) or maybe as a present provide an alternative to the little plastic things (whatever they are)?

Answer 7

This, your brother won't appreciate. To a high degree.

However, if it is the type of event that you need to avoid, then you must make this clear to him. Tell him that you love him, that you wish him the best, but that your principles prevent you from attending such an event. Make it clear to his bride as well. A wedding is a very important thing in a person's life and when someone close decides not to attend, it's sure to offend so be careful.

Answer 8

Justin, I completely understand your point of view, YES, it is an incredibly selfish output of money and other resources, but your family needs to come first.  YES, Mother Earth is important, but to turn your back on your brother, when it's most likely the bride who is making these decisions and your brother is just going along with her to make her happy, is wrong.

Please reconsider your stance on this event.  Not going to the wedding will put a wall between you and your brother that may never come down.  Don't hurt him because you disagree with what she is doing.  PLEASE reconsider.

Answer 9

they invited you for a reason. its not just because your his sister i think he would like you to be there to show you support him, and you approve of the new chapter in his life that he will be starting. not attending isn't going to help the people who cannot afford it. however much you eat or spend for this weddding, take the same price and donate it or something. There wedding day isnt really suppose to be about you or anyone else just the bride and groom =[ sorry.

Answer 10

yes its pretty selfish..why does it effect you so much how they spend its their money it didn't come out of your pocket..you don't want to go because they spent to much money on their wedding..isn't mother earth more important then my brother??!! LOL your not saving the environment by not going..the same stuff is going on..just without you there..

Answer 11

I've noted your reasons for not wanting to go but I still think you should.  I think the emotional significance of the event outweighs your reasons.  Not attending someone's wedding is a true slap in the face and it definitely says more than "I disagree with the consumerism and environmental impact of your ceremony".  

If you really cared about your brother you would have done your best to get in on the organization of it with him to find out how the things that could be recycled could be taken care of, how to use more environmentally friendly materials, and how to cut costs without depleting the beauty of the event.  Instead you're being selfish by not looking for any middle ground at all for this very memorable time.

Answer 12

This may be true but just think- this will probably be the best day of their lives, and a day which will be the start of the rest of their lives togther. Im sure they just want the best experience and to make it memorable!

Answer 13

If you feel strongly enough about it find some way to get out of it.  You could come down with some exotic, contagious disease.  Your dog could get sick.  You could have car trouble.  Just don't attack their plans.  They don't need to know that you disapprove of the way they have chosen to celebrate their day.  Thats just not necessary and will lead to long term problems between you and them.

Answer 14

the day isnt about you.. its about your brother... have joy for him and his bride...  you can teach him about excesses later.. by example...

offending and hurting him by not attending wont have an impact.. he wont be forcing you to throw anything.. or eat anything.... bring your own bird seed to throw..

Answer 15

You're being quite selfish. Its his wedding, and since he's your brother, you owe it to your family to be there. The family comes first before all of the other garbage, that's something for later on.

Answer 16

i agree

i didn't attend my brothers wedding kind of for that same reason and as for mine well its gonna be on the beach with crawfish afterwards lol very cheap

Answer 17

Go, you may be sorry years from now if you don't.

You don't have to approve, it is his day not yours.

Answer 18

If you love your brother then you should go and share in his joy, it is the most important day of his life. Stop using trees, confetti and money for excuses, a wedding is bigger than that.

Go to his wedding and leave your soapbox home.

Answer 19

I hate to say this but family comes first.

Your brother made his choices about what to do, not you.

You have to accept his choices for his wedding. You can do your wedding when you find a woman... a totally green wedding!  

Answer 20

The money will be spent and the excess will occur whether you attend or not. It is your brother and his soon to be wife's wedding not yours. That is how THEY choose to share this happy event. Attend it and be pleasant because he is your brother and you love him.

When you get married, you can do it the way you think is right.

Answer 21

Very selfish...

Answer 22

How about if you go to the ceremony and so show that you wish to celebrate the occasion of him and his new wife making a commitment to each other, but then skip the reception?

I don't know about the etiquette (and I suspect some - women in particular - might take offence at the very suggestion), but it seems to me that the emotional and spiritual content of the ceremony has far more real significance than how much handmade lace there is on the bride's dress, how big the cake is or how many courses there are in the meal for guests. Assuming that's the stuff that really grates on your social conscience, tell them that you'll skip the party and commemorate the day by going somewhere to plant some trees in their names.

Answer 23

GO. Although it's sad to think of how far $40,000 would go to make a down payment for a house. But go anyway. Make your protests about excessiveness at more private family moments.

Answer 24

I understand your reasons for not wanting to go, but think of how your

family will feel if you don't . How would you feel if your brother did not go to your wedding ?! Go & make the best of it, don't ruin his special day:>)

Answer 25

Yes, you are being selfish and your brother will probably be very hur that you don't attend.

He is FAMILY and you  have obligations to do things for him even if it means going against your sociopolitical beliefs sometimes or is a bother for you.

If you really care about the environment and starving kids you need to look at the root of the problem anyway, and any solution you think up must be economically feasible and human compatible.

Let's take starving kids in Africa for instance. The solution has always been to send food. Sure, this keeps them alive another day but it doesn't solve the problem. Why do kids starve in Africa?

Because of the effects of civil war.

Because of corrupt government officials who do not invest in their country.

Because of the dependency of local farmers on historically unreliable seasonal rains.

Because men rape women producing more mouths to feed.

Because big families are emphasized even though it means more mouths to feed.

Because of lack of s*x education, creating more mouths to feed.

Because farmers are to ill to grow food, due to HIV, from lack of s*x education/rape.

Because farmers are to ill to grow food due to malaria.

Because farmers are to ill to grow food because of illness due to poor hygiene

etc etc etc

For the record. Tree hugging hippies who don't vote have never solved problems. People with ambitions, connections, and economically feasible solutions do.