I don't want to be a mom anymore or do I just need time?

Question

I have two kids they are 7 and 3. Believe me they are great and I love them more then anything. I had my little girl when I was 15 and then my son at 19. ( I know don't tell me that I should have thought about this before this is my life and I can't change things that have hapened I can only try and make them better)

So I go to school finishing my Associates Degree to make a better life for all of us. At times I feel so overwhelmed that I just wish that I didn't have to deal with my kids on a daily basis ( I know I feel horrible for feeling this way).

I really wish that I could just leave them with my mom at times and really figure out who I am as a person. I feel trapped. I love them but I just feel confused.

I sit and cry a lot and I don't know why.

I try to do fun things with them all the time~ beach, go out to eat and the zoo and so on but I just can't shake this feeling.

I would never hurt them or anything like that I really do love them.

What do I do, they know that Iove them but I am afraid that they may start to feel as though they are a burden to me.

I never get time alone, when I am at school they are at school and then I am with them all day. Even though their father does everything as far as finances he is not there physically as we have been seperated for years and he lives in a different town.

How do I feel better?

Answer 1

I think it would help to connect with other single moms. Are there any parent support groups in your community or on your campus?  If you don't know of any, check with your campus counseling service.  They may be able to refer you to a program like that, or they may have parent resources that you didn't know about.  If you could find even one or two others in your situation, you could arrange get-togethers to talk about specific concerns or just to talk. Once you get to know each other well enough, you might take turns watching each other's kids so you can have some time to yourself without having to pay a sitter.  

It may help to just tell yourself to hang in there - your school will not last forever, and your kids won't be young forever.  Each year it will get a litle easier, especially when the youngest starts school.   And talk to your mom.  She may not want to raise your kids, but she might be willing to help if you asked.  

Answer 2

Honestly, I feel the same way and I tried to get pregnant, am 32 years old, have 1 daughter and an amazing husband who helps as much as possible.

The truth is, motherhood is overwhelming.  Until you are a mom, there is no way to explain how much it takes out of you.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  Some mothers seem to handle it better than others, only making the rest of us feel guilty.  But I'd be willing to bet that most mothers feel the same way you do A LOT of times.

It sounds as if you are a terrific mom - so go easy on yourself.  And you could have all the time in the world to "find yourself" and still not actually figure out "who" you are.  As I said, I'm 32 and thought I knew who I was until I had my daughter - and now it feels as if I know nothing at all.  I feel guilty that I don't enjoy motherhood more (I love her, it's just so exhausting!), I feel guilty that I don't spend more "quality time" with her.  I feel guilty 98% of the time.  Yet, at the end of the day, that guilt is what motivates me to do better and try harder.  And, I realize that I'm also a lot better than a lot of mothers (she is always fed, clothed, bathed, and happy most of the time).  My point is, I think what you feel is normal.

However, if you need a break, do what you can to take one.  Try to put yourself first every once in awhile to fill your cup back up, so you have the love and energy to give to your kids.  And honestly, you had kids while you were young, so you'll still be young when they leave home.  So you'll have plenty of time to figure things out then.  And just know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side...

Answer 3

First, try antidepressants for 6-12 months.

Being a single mom is the hardest thing there is! Anyone who says it's easy is living on another planet. Keep in mind that you are doing the best thing a woman can do: mothering. Don't fall prey to the feminists who seem to hate kids and families and think that you are unfulfilled for being a mother. Pour yourself into the little ones as though they are the most important people on earth - cuz for you, sis, they are. And know that it's not easy!

You might try finding a good church in your area. Get to know folks. Maybe find a teenage girl there to babysit for you now and again just so you feel you can breathe. Check this website:

www.tms.edu

Go to ALUMNI (left column) and click on it. You can click on your state next. A list of graduates of TMS (The Master's Seminary; the president is Pastor John MacArthur) will pop up. If you find one in your area, check out the church.

Also, you might find groups for single moms where you all meet to talk and let the kids play. Don't know where you live, so can't say where to check.

One last thing - I must applaud you for keeping your babies and not killing them via abortion. *curtsies* =D

Answer 4

Don't worry, you are normal. I am a parent, and I have felt this pang of contempt. Sometimes, everyone just needs a break. Since you became a mother so young, you never got to find out who you are as a person vs who you are as a mom. Your identity can be lost in just being mommie. I would recommend finding a hobby you really enjoy and drop the kiddies off for a few hours a week at grandmas or with your hubbie and spend the time doing whatever YOU truly want to do, not what the kids want, husband wants, or what needs to be done at the house. It's important to be selfish every once in a while. It'll feel weird at first, but you'll feel much better once you've discovered that you can have fun on your own away from your family. Do you have any friends that can you can do stuff with?

Answer 5

Uhm im 14 as opposed to everyone here, but maybe i could help a bit.. >.> Lol. I'll try anyhow.

So your 21, You have kids and you don't know what to do,

Look upon your own siblings, uncles, aunts, for help, maybe they'll help you out, Your not always alone in these cases, Maybe you have a few friends with some spare time not minding to take care of your children so you can have a breather for a while?

And you do just need time, eventually everything will come together, hold on until you got your job and your ready to move farther in life,

As I said your not alone and there's always a few people around to help you out.

Look upon yourself, you can do it! I know it sounds cheesy, but hey, eventually you'll make it alright again for your life and your children's.

Don't give up! Really, if you gave up then where will your children be in the future? You don't want them to end up with no job options or bum's on the street do you? No! Of course not!

As long as you know you'll be able to hold on, you'll be able to do it!

Just make sure you know what your doing, and think always twice before any rational situations you may have to take.

Oh and i've seen a lot of single mothers switch to drugs and drinking and whatnot, Don't!

First of all Smoking will not help you out, as you'll make your own hole deeper and setting a bad example for your kids!

Second of all, drinking may help you forget of your problems for a few hours, but eventually you'll come to and you'll be destroying your children's life as well as your own, you don't want to do that!

Hope everything works out,

Best wishes,

-Sam.

Answer 6

Theres not really much you can do, you just have to keep on being a mom to these kids. Being a mom never stops even if it gets hard. I'm sure this is hard on you considering you were so young when you had your 1st baby. Just hang in there and hopefully things will get easier. Allowing yourself to cry & feel bad will only make you feel worse.  

Answer 7

Why not try to let them stay with their father for a few days or a week.  If not, then maybe another family member or a close friend.  Spend some me time and then you will be better able to deal with the everyday stress.  Everyone goes through it.  Explain to them that you have some things that need taken care of and that they will be staying with one of your family members or friends for a few days.  You will all feel better once you get a chance to relax.  Everyone needs a break every now and then...

Answer 8

teens should read your story because there are a lot of teens that didn't know what they will miss in their life when they have kids at an early age. this is a big lesson for them.. and i am sorry to hear and yes sometimes we make mistakes..

you can feel better by thinking what you have right now.. there are so many girls that wanted to have kids but they couldn't have.. think possitive

Answer 9

You should have thought about that when you were having s*x at 15. Your kids didn't ask to be brought into the world, you did that. They shouldn't have to pay for your mistakes. If you didn't want them you should have given them up when they were born. Accept the consequences of your actions and give your kids the life they deserve,  

Answer 10

Suck it up! You are their mother and they are your responsibility for life. Should have realized that when you had your first, it's not something that can be easily undone. If you can't handle the responsibility any longer then find a solution so you could feel better about yourself so your children wouldn't have to sit around wondering why their mother is they way she is.

Your children deserves to be with someone who has no doubts about wanting them in their lives. You are not it for thinking this way.

Answer 11

This sounds like a tough situation.  I can understand what you mean when you just want time for yourself. That's not a bad thing at all.  School is hard with children and then when no one else is there to help take care of them, that makes things even harder.  I don't really know what you could "do".  I'd try to find ways to get the kids out of your hair while you do something you enjoy whether that be excersising, reading a book, going to a community class (learn how to crochet, decorate cakes, scrapbook, photography, etc.)  Maybe you can get a family member or find a babysitter and do this on a regular basis.  Also, maybe try once a month or every other month to go on a mini vaca by yourself.  Get someone to watch your children for the night and go somewhere fun or stay home and veg by yourself or with friends.  I think you need to find something that you enjoy doing (not related to school or your children). When you can escape into your own little world or gardening or whatever, even if it's for a half hour, you'll beging to feel better.  Also, take fish oil, consistantly, it helps elevate your mood.  Good luck.

Answer 12

Thank you for a very hard, very honest question.  You are 22 and feel that your life is over.  You haven't done anything except go to school and be a mom full time for seven years. Of course you are burned out.  That is WHY being a single parent is such a challenge and frankly a hardship. No matter how much you love them, raising kids by yourself is hard.   Regardless, your kids do have two parents.  You are very fortunate in that you can be in contact with the father. You might call his mom and tell her you need a weekend break,  Then you need to tell him  he needs at least one weekend if not more taking care of his children.    Raising children is not a one person show, it is a family commitment.   We all laughed when Hilliary said "it takes a village to raise a child."  There is a lot of truth to that statement.  

Thank you for being honest here.  So many of the young teens seem to think a baby stays a baby forever and all they will ever have to do is love an infant, feed the baby and change diapers.  They are very naive and I hope they read every word of this.  They all seem to believe family support lasts forever too.  It doesn't.  In fact sometimes all that 'feel good about my daughter's decision does not last more than the first three months.  Seen it over and over, from "I am so proud of my daughter being responsible to "It is YOUR baby, I am not buying anymore diapers and you can tell that no good boyfriend of yours his parents need to start putting formula in HIS babies mouth because I am sick of you and him sponging off us."  

At which point EVERYONE starts bawling and hysterical plans are made to 'run away with my baby because my mom is such a *****.'  with no more plan than she had when she got pregnant.

I also know young married women who feel _exactly_ the same way you do.   Daddy is working 80 plus hours a week and never home.  Or is in the Military.  Mom for all intents and purposes is a single mother.  

So start looking for a mother's support group.  See if the other half of the family will help a bit.  

Find some counselling because you ARE depressed.  you may need a short term anti-depressant in order to get back in the swing of things but talk to your doctor first.

Answer 13

dont worry you'll be fine