I don't want visitors in the hospital when my baby is born.

Question

This is my second child. I have a five year old from my previous marriage. This will be my husband's first child & he is not supportive of my wishes. My parents live out of state & will not be around until a couple weeks after the birth. I have told my husband that I would like his parents and my son to visit in the hospital. But I would prefer all other family members and friends to wait until we are settled in at home and I feel ready for company. This has turned into an argument & he says this is not just my baby. I feel that he is being selfish by wanting to show off the baby and not thinking about how tired I and the baby may be. I have been through the childbirth thing before and did not enjoy visitors in the hospital.

How should this be addressed? Ans how can I get my husband to see my point of view & respect my feelings?

Answer 1

Tell him to have the baby and then he can have visitors! You need to lay out the law to him. Having his parents and your son is enough. You don't need to have all his buddy friends. Does he know how many germs are exposed? I would definitely have you list all the pros of having company in, and all the cons. The con list will be way longer and he will see it your way. Explain to him that visiting at home is more comfortable also for you and the baby.

Answer 2

it is his baby too

Answer 3

Your husband is an inconsiderate a_ _ .

Tell your friends and doctor you want no visitors.  Your doctor will issue orders to the nurses.  

Find out what time the baby will be in the baby viewing room.  Tell them they can come see the baby and give them the times.

This should solve the problem, the folks get to see the baby and you dont have to put up with visitors.

Answer 4

I totally understand. I just had a son (8 weeks ago) and I too wanted NO visitors just my parents and boyfriend (his parents live far away) at the hospital. I let his father and sister visit once I was home, and then didn't have any other visitors for about a week. Tell him 1) you want time to bond with your baby as a family (if your breastfeeding you can tell him you want to get in the hang of that) 2) you don't feel you will be ready for company - as childbirth (as you know) is not a very comfortable - esp if you tear or have an episiotomy -- tell him you'd rather not have ppl there when to be totally frank - your gushing blood, and have no sleep!!  Good Luck, I totally understand (look into kangaroo care -- its all about skin to skin bonding, and reducing the number of visitors when your child is first born -- as it takes quite a bit of adjusting on the part of your child too) Hope all goes well :)

Answer 5

tell them! not ur husband having a baby is exhausting u have every right to some quiet and peace if ur husband was having a baby he'd want the same. ur in hospital not him

Answer 6

I felt the same way.  After I had my children all I wanted to do was rest and relax and thats kind of hard when you feel like you have to entertain visitors.  Try to explain to you husband that this is time that you need to heal and recover from labor, it's hard to explain since he is not the one having the baby, but hopefully he will understand and if not just give the hospital a visitors list of who you want and they will follow that, and take care of yourself first since your the one that will be in the hospital.

Answer 7

I dont know how to get him to understand. I enjoyed having my friends and family visit both times. maybe you guys could compromise and have the others just view the baby from the nursery window that way you wouldnt have to be social and you wouldnt have to worry about a lot of people handling the baby.  

Answer 8

"he says this is not just my baby"

He's right, but he clearly has absolutely no clue about newborns and new mothers. You are being reasonable; put your foot down.

If you get on well with your mother-in-law, could you explain it to her, and ask her to have a word with her son/your husband...?

Answer 9

nope not just your baby but it's YOUR recovery room so you could even kick him out if you wanted- tell him he's being selfish by pushing it. this will be both of your time to bond with the baby and i know i was pretty distracted with nursng when people were coming in and out of my room

Answer 10

Your husband is  being childish and selfish.  I put in a request the moment I was admitted to hospital that I have only my husband, our parents and my baby's siblings to visit.  It was my choice, I never consulted my husband since he wasn't the one having the baby.  Tell your husband that when he gets pregnant and gestates that pregnancy fullterm and gives birth then he can decide who visits.  

Answer 11

your the one going through the ordeal. it should be up to you.

tell your husband that he can still be a proud daddy without putting you through something your not comfortable with.

he can show your baby off as much as he wants once everyone is ready for it. this is not something that should be pushed on you. if your not ready, your not ready. end of story.

Answer 12

i was very fortunate to be with my wife when she gave birth to all three of our children ,and was allowed to cut the cord on each occasion.

however , this was my wifes choice as well as mine , a joint deecission if you like .

Childbirth is no easy task for the mum, no matter how natural it is supposed to be. pain ?  I can`t begin to imagine !

for this reason I believe that ALL birthing options should be left to the mother and midwife team, they know what they`re doing .

dad and family can always visit later in the day when mum and babe have had time to rest and settle a bit , it also spares mum some dignity, especially if she needs some stitches.

right ,dad ,are you ready ? you`re turn is soon to come!

looking after baby when mum needs a rest ( and believe me ,she`s going to ), changing and feeding . it may not be just your wifes baby , but you`re not giving birth to him / her.

it is impossible for you to be at the birth if you are not going to be supportive ,this will take true dedication , love and support and a strong stomach .

whatevere happens .i wish you all the luck in the world .

babys are great , let us know your babys name .

tony.d

Answer 13

Well it can be addressed that when you are admitted to the hospital you tell the nurses "No visitors" and they will not let anyone in to see you if you don't want them to.

As for your husband explain to him, it's not that you are trying to keep the baby from family, but that it's just what it is. You are going to be very tired and so will the baby. Kindly tell him that his parents and your son are more than welcome and they can take pictures to share with the family, but you don't want to be bombarded. Not to mention you never know who was recently sick or around someone sick and the baby could catch something. In the end it is only YOU and not he who decides when and if you want visitors. They will not let people in if you do not wish to have them come in and they will only be able to see the baby through nursery windows.

If explaining it kindly and rationally does not work, then there is always what I did, tell him it's your way... no highway whether he likes it or not. Tell him if he invites them then you will tell the nurses no visitors. The doctors and nurses listen to you.. not him and that's it.

Good luck!

Answer 14

Amen Sister! I know exactly how you feel.  My family is from out of town too (but only about an hour and a half away) so they are always polite enough to call first. But my husbands family live around the corner (dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. are that close by) and they stop whenever they want and were even rude enough to stay til almost midnight the first night we spent at home with our newborn. I have never been so frustrated in my life. It seems like some forget what it's like to be a tired new parent, and some just don't know and don't get it yet. I hated having a bunch of visitors at the hospital and at home right away. Not only was I adjusting to being a new mom but also you feel like you have to play hostess. I think you are smart to limiting it to your husbands parents. I would just make it perfectly clear NOW how you want it, but if they are like other (my husbands family) unfortunately they may show up anyway. Take some of the others advice, like telling the nurses NO VISITORS. That way they can be the bearers of bad news. Just stick to your guns. You and your husband should have that bonding time alone with your baby. Good Luck!

Answer 15

Your husband needs to read a description of what giving birth entails. Perhaps when he realizes how hard labor is, and how much it will take out of you, he will stop being so silly.

Of course it is his baby, but his role in the delivery is to support you. He needs to be more understanding. Hopefully a description of how painful contractions are, and how you not only deliver the baby but the placenta etc. and that it can last HOURS will make him understand.

Good luck. You are right. He is wrong on this one.

Answer 16

He is, of course, being ridiculous.  He has NO IDEA what it is like for you.  Obviously he isn't even trying to understand or this wouldn't be a big fight.  You can tell the nurses desk who is allowed to visit you and to only take messages from everyone else.  Or you can set a time when everyone will come and have the baby in the nursery at that time and they can just look through the glass and ooh and ahh.

Answer 17

put your foot down. its not just about the baby, its about you too. tell the hospital staff no visitors allowed.  

Answer 18

If you have a good relationship w/your husband's family, you could speak directly to one or more of them, and tell them your wishes directly.

As a last resort, you can always ask your doctor to order a no visitors sign for the door.

Seriously, this is something you need to work out w/the in-laws before you go to the hospital. By the way, have extended in-law family(ies) already indicated they are ready to pounce?? Or are you just anticipating their visits?

Answer 19

i can understand how you would feel. you have probly tried to talk to your husband and make him see where your coming from so theres no point saying that. try and compromise in some way . personaly i would just tell him where to go and say " as soon as you learn how to push a baby out of your *** you can make the rules "    good luck and congradulations x  

Answer 20

Tell him how you felt with the birth of your first child.  If you were tired and run down after childbirth that time there is a good chance you might be this time.  Call the hospital and see what their procedure is for company in the newborn department.  They may not even allow very many people in there.  When my friend's grandson was born there were restrictions on how many people and how closely related the visitors had to be.