I dont even know what the question should be! ?

Question

Brace yourself this is a long one!! Here is the situation my father in law is a pastor and my husband and I wanted him to be the one to marry us! Well in Feb he was diagnosed with cancer and they told him if he did nothing he would have 4-6 months. He was told he would have better chances with Chemo but they didnt know the odds because all the studies were done in men with this cancer quite a bit older then him. It was rare for a man his age to have it. Anyway my husband and I were planning on getting married in October of this year but decided under the circumstances we should move the date up. Well we didnt even have any money or anything so we took what little tax money we had saved and bought the rings and such and decided we would go ahead and renew our vows in October for the whole family.

My family lives out of state his is local and so in attendance was our parents his brother and sister and my husbands three elderly aunts who we knew would not be able to fly out of town in October. and we only had a week. Well needless to say there were some hurt feelings involved with the rest of the family. That was not my intention really the only person I was thinking about was my father in law I wasnt even considering myself!!

Then in April I found out I was pregnant and well noone wants to be pregnant in a wedding dress so we will not be having a ceremony in October as planned. I am still a girly girl and I want the whole wedding experience. But my question now is this should I have a post elopment reception or not? Was that even considered an elopment we didnt go anywhere and people knew? I have some people saying have the party others are saying its rude since noone was at the wedding. Others are saying do it at our one year and have an informal renewal of vows. I just dont know what to do I really didnt think people would be as offended as they were under the circumstances. We just wanted to make sure his dad was there and we werent sure what was going to happen! HELP ME I cannot afford to hurt anyone else as this was not my intention in the first place. I kind of feel like why cant people see this for the gesture it was I mean not that I minded and I wouldnt have changed a thing but I gave up every girls dream for my husband and his father andI feel like people should see that and not the negative of them not being there!

Answer 1

People are just hurt because they didnt get to be there, but you wanted him to marry you so you did what you had to do.  as for the party in October...who cares if you are pregnant.  Why would you be wearing a wedding dress anyways if your already married?  If you want to have a little celebration with friends and family then fine, but this isnt a wedding do-over.  your first wedding getting married vy your father-in-law was your wedding.  if your going to try and do the whole thing over then there was no point in having him marry you at all then.  Just get a nice, normal dress and have a party or skip it for now and renew your vows at a future wedding anniversary.

Answer 2

You are already married and pregnant...

so why worrying about a white wedding dress??? Isn't it a bit late for white lace promises? Vow renewal is for 10 year anniversaries, a tacky re-do just for gift sand ego?? please. You areleady has you wedding, should have waited to do it right the first time.

Yes. it's tacky and is rude...people have the right to be appalled by such foolishness. people have the right to be offended... the wedding day is pass and gone, so asking people to go to make-beleive shows and bring you presents  for what??

Re-dos are in the pooorest taste!!!!! Even worse, a pregnant married woman wanting to be princess for the day????

Horrible

You should be planning a baby shower and not a wedding. Who are you rtryimg to fool?? Should have it done right the first time. Taccky, tacky

Answer 3

you did the right thing and after losing my mom to cancer this year I feel for you..  If I were you I would go ahead with the post wedding reception..people do it all the time and maybe on your 5 or ten year have the big wedding.. the big weddings are beautiful but are expensive and only last  a few hours so you had who was important there now the rest is just a celebration.. we had twice as many people at the reception than we did at the wedding.

Congrats on the wedding and the baby :)

Answer 4

At this point, it would be inappropriate to have "wedding part two." Why don't you just have a party instead? Invitations could say something like "Susan and John were married in a private ceremony on August 1. The couple, along with their families, invite you to celebrate with them on October 4 - not just for their marriage, but for the upcoming birth of their first child!"

You can still get a beautiful (non-wedding) dress to wear to the party and get your hair done, you can have a delicious (non-wedding) cake to celebrate your marriage and your baby, and enjoy the company of all your guests. But doing a wedding do-over when you're already married is kind of sad and tacky.

It would also be great if your parents and your parents-in-law could do some damage control with the disgruntled relatives. After you send out the invitations, have you mom casually up her angry sister or whoever and mention "Did you get Susan and John's invitation? They had to have a small, quick wedding because John's father has been in such poor health, but they really want to celebrate with everyone now. I hope you can make it." That way, people know that you weren't blowing them off, but that you had a really good reason to change your plans. And if they're still upset, they aren't worth worrying about.

It sucks that you didn't get a big wedding, but nobody is entitled to one - this is how your life worked out, from circumstances outside your control. Keep first in your mind that you were blessed to have your father-in-law to officiate your marriage, you are blessed to have your husband and, soon, your child in your life.

Answer 5

It's amazing how people can become so selfish when a wedding is taking place. You did what you had to do and its an awful pity that the others cant see this, If you want to have a party then do it, invite everyone and make a speech saying how you were sorry that they couldn't come to your wedding but how you want now to share in the festivities with them all, if they are so small minded that they don't want to come then both you and your husband are better of without them in your lives, hope you have a long and happy marriage and a healthy happy baby

Answer 6

First off, don't feel bad for a second about what you did. You may look back and miss the wedding, but you will always treasure having your father in law marry you. I am sure that your father in law was very happy that he was the priority over the big party. Beyond the personal gratification for him, it shows that you really value family. Your ceremony sounded very personal, and I am sure it was lovely even with the circumstances.

Do whatever you want for the renewal of vows, people have no reason to be offended here. I just don't understand how someone could expect a couple to pick a wedding officiated by a dying parent over a larger impersonal one where the parent may be dead or too sick to really enjoy it. Have whatever kind of party you want whenever you want. I hate when people use the "its my day" thing as a reason to hurt people, but really this isn't really hurting anyone. They can deal with it, this wasn't a personal snub it was you caring for your very ill immediate family members! They will get over it, and if they don't then that's their loss.

I think you did the exact right thing in this situation. You sound like a very smart and family oriented woman. Congratulations on everything, I hope you have a fabulous life.

ADDITION: And don't feel bad for wanting the white dress and the "re-do" You have thge right to invite people to celebrate the happy times with you. It is obvious you aren't just looking for gifts, you want to celebrate with the people close to you since the circumstances did not allow for it at the time of your wedding. I don't think that is selfish.

I don't see what having a kid has to do with it either. White is the traditional color to wear for a wedding, and if you want to wear white you go right ahead and wear it. I have heard that white orignially meant (rich) since you could afford to get a dress that was obviously only to be wron once, not that you were "pure". I take it more as the tradition that brides wear white, and I see no problem with women that have children  wearing white to feel bridal.

Answer 7

You are never going to please everyone in your life. I think in this situation you should do what your heart moves you to do. Please yourself and those closest to you and forget about what will be said because, unfortunately, people will always talk. Someone will always have a negative point of view or a criticism. Get past this and live life for you not for others.

If you guys want to celebrate your union, who is to stop you?

Answer 8

I don't think that having a wedding redo is the right thing to do AT THIS TIME. I understand where you were coming from, and I see your point of view, but I can also see everyone else's. I think maybe you should have just waited, for the right moment. I know that you wanted your father in law in the wedding, but he would have been there regardless, either physically or spiritually. Personally, I think you did the right thing, but haveing a redo may make people even more aggitated than what they already are because they will possibly see it as you didn't think they were important enough the first time, and now you just want gifts so I would forget it. Good luck.  

Answer 9

You are married and pregnant. Move on. In 5 years renew your vows and have a party. For now just concentrate on your child and your family, not yourself.  

Answer 10

You are never going to make everyone happy.  You did what you did for the right reasons, if people can't understand that, then forget them.  Have the reception when you are ready to have it and invite those that you want to invite.  If you want to have a renewal with it, then by all means do that too.  If people want to come and understand your reasoning, they will.  If they want to hold a grudge and be mad, then they will do that.

Good luck!