I dont know what to do anymore?

Question

My Fiancee and my mom Do Not get along...they were cool in the begininning but I guess i Spend too much time with him, and she doesnt like it. were staying with her for the summer. and she asked if he could leave sooner...im going to visit my grandparents also so hes heading back 4 weeks sooner. they both want me to pick sides and i love them both very much and i dont think is fair to me. they fight about which day to fly out because he doesnt want to be without me for 29 days but my mom doesnt see me all year she says, so...hes like i never want to come back to viset and shes like your not invited.. they have had this kind of tension since we got here....what do i do? do i side with him? or my family? theres alot more detail too but its hard to explain.

because of the tension he has with my mom it makes us fight alot, and i dont know what to do anymore...i love him so much but i cant take it anymore..i dont think they will ever get along.

HELP!

Answer 1

Sounds like you are popular and loved by your family,

which is a plus, but they transfer their disappointment

that they don't have more time with you to him, which

is a humongous bummer. And you're right, it isn't fair

to the two of you but you have to decide something.

If you two love each other and will be a LTR, then

YOUR relationship comes first. I'm sure your Mom

and Dad wanted time alone when they first were

together, and so did your grandparents... it's only

natural and normal. So, the two of you must decide

a) if you must totally blow them off, b) if you see

them rarely on occasion, or c) if you put your anger

with their attitude aside and go ahead and spend

time with your family.

C is only an option if your b/f agrees and if your

family can learn to get used to him being there.

Let them know that he's your man, and they are

going to have to deal with it. You may be surprised

how they take it, because this sort of thing happens

almost ALL the time with "outsiders" marrying into

the family.

Answer 2

If your mom comes before you making a family for yourself then you might as well end it with your fiance. You want to have someone who your mom will love so have her pick someone else out for you. When you figure out what your top priorities are then everything else will fall into place. Your mom should love you no matter who you're with.

Now if he's a total ****** or "sometimes a jerk"  then thats a different story.

Answer 3

why not find out the real reason why they don't get along. my advice to you is analize which love you have for them is stronger.if it is family or your man. but you know you cant live your life forever with your family. family will be just there when you needed help. i think the problem are their attitudes. open up to your mom that you are unhappy of the situation.if she understands then she will accept the man you want to spend your life with and stop being so slefish. and your mom just wants whats best for you. but i know you can't live with that also esp when your against it. but you should probably talk to her about it so she would know that it is affecting you spiritually. tell her that its time to let go and your old enough to handle things yourself. and your fiancee should know that an ideal husband would do nothing about your family. and when he knows that family matters to his wife then he would do his best to gain the love and respect for your family. tell your husband to be patient. if your mum wants to be with you then stay with her for a while. maybe your mama is still not ready for you to get married or stuff. but when the time comes and you got married she has nothing to do about her own desires but to drop it and accept the man you chose to be with. it takes time so understand both sides.  take it easy girl.. everything will be just fine. things like that often happens, your'e not the only one. goodluck :)

Answer 4

hi

I really feel for you - I know what it feels like.. my husband hates my family and my family can't stand him..

you need to get to the bottom of why she doesn't like him - because until you have a reference point you've got nowhere to start from. Maybe there's a reason or maybe she's having trouble coming to terms with the fact that there is someone else in your life that you love.

you can't pick sides but unless you actually step back and let them take chunks out of eachother then they are both going to continue to needle you because its a power game. And yes if it means that they take chunks out of eachother then let them. You are afterall all adults - and if they want to fight over you as if you were a toy then that's their problem and not yours

I've told my grandma and my parents that No Mr Adele doesn't like them. The feeling is mutual and though it hasn't been pleasent it is out in the open rather than all of them trying to take it out on me. We all have an understanding that there's Family time and Mr Adele time.

if either of them come to you looking for you to apologise about the others behaviour then don't! If either of them come looking to you for support then don't. they are all old enough to talk to eachother