I dont know whether my boyfriends just playing games with me and whether to end it with him?

Question

I love my boyfriend with all my heart and we are together its as near perfect as it could be.he's attentive,loving ,loyal ,supportive and everything you could want in a man.

he plays in a rock band though and i've managed (just )to come to terms with all the women throwing themselves at him ,at his shows!the problem is when he is away from me,he changes ,his friends mean the world to him ,especially one of his mates!he is very popular with men and women.

i dont like the change when he is away playing a gig,or when he is with his friends or at band practice.he is cold with me and acts horribly towards me and gets all macho in front of his mates.he is very in demand and it seems like he only squeezes me in ,when he can find the time.

im certainly not a priority in his life.he makes all these promises that he will keep in touch when he is away ,but never does,he puts his mates and his band first and ignores me.

then when he comes back he expects me to be here for him.

ive been with him a long time and he is great when we're alone toegther.i know he prioritised his ex gf and put her first ,so i know he is capable of doing it.she hurt him though ,so do you think maybe ,he's being cautious and defensive because of the way she treated him?

i think im too nice to him and put up with too much and he takes me for granted.i feel lately he can take me or leave me ,like he couldnt care less.he's very much a man of the moment ,acting on impulse,he seems to just be into what he's doing at the time.

he just called and said he'll see me in 3 days after his gigs and when i wanted to talk to him ,he was like ,oh no ,im with my mates and he acted like a jerk,and i heard women in the background that him or his band are obviously hanging out with.

he's not abusive to me or anything,infact hes incredibly sensitive and loving when we're alone.maybe he just uses me for the s*x or comfort when he's home(not that i put out for him).

i dont know what to do,he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me,but i just keep getting hurt and upset and feeling like a nobody all the time when im around him,which makes me insecure and then i dont trust him ,which probably makes him think im possessive and im not,i just want to know where i stand and to be treated right all the time.

am i asking too much og him ,am i being unreasonable,i ve been with him,since before his band became popular.should i end it or stay with it,and if i stick with it and work it out ,does that make me a doormat?

all ive ever been is nice to him ,yet girls that treat their boyfriends like dirt ,seem to have the boyfriends eating out of the palm of their hand.

i cant keep going on this constant rollercoaster.what do i do,im really stuck?i really need help on this one,because its affecting my confidence ,my life,i have to make a decision one way or another.

dont say talk to him,ive done that and he says everything is ok and he loves me and he will keep his promises ,but he never does when hes away from me.mayeb its just the way he is?what do you guys think i should do?my heart is on the line here?

Answer 1

You are the one to make the final decision on what to do.  Ask yourself is this the way you want to be treated the rest of your life.  If he loves and respects you at home, he should love and respect you away from home.  It is hard not to wonder what is going on since he is being cold and distant to you while on the road.  I dont think it is jealousy, you have a legitimate reason to be concerned.  

Answer 2

You need to Love your self more than him in order to demand and command the respect he is not giving you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. He has you where he wants you put him in his place and start making it more about you when he is gone go out party and make new friends that he doesn't know about. Be you

To thine own self be true  

Answer 3

Seems like he has you just where he wants you and you are his wall flower...Time to see that you are very convienient to be there when he wants you....

Though there may have times when everything feels good for you, I would bet you are his security blanket. Give him the ultimatum to be loving towards you all the time or find someone else who can offer you this...not just when it suits him, like it is now...

Answer 4

There are some side affects with dating a man in a band or rather a musician. There will always be women around and pressure for him to be one of the boys around his mates. There is a high probability that he will be sexual with one or more of the women that surround them. I believe the term is groupies. A woman who dates a man of this statue must be very confident and secure in who she is and what she gives to him. His body will most likely be shared among you and the groupies he comes in contact with.

Now with all that said here is the question....are you Ok with this? I can not pass judgement or tell you how to handle this. What I can say is that he has a pattern of not keeping in touch with you and I am almost certain that it has to do with keeping up the bad boy image around his mates as well as the attention he receives on the road.

I like what one of the other commentators said here: Next time he comes home, try not being so available and see how he reacts.

Decide what is most important to you and go from there. Make your decisions based on what will make you most happy.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

you have to do what is best for you.  You cant be on a constant teeter totter of emotions.  He doesn't sound attentive at all to me from what you are saying.  Especially if he doesnt communicate with you while he is away on the road or whatever.  The best thing is to make him realize that he can lose the best thing he has ever had, dont' cater to him completely the next time he comes home, see how he feels? or acts? He wont like it one bit.  Maybe you might need to look elsewhere if you cannot handle him being on the road, and it sounds as though there are some jealousy issues that you may need to grasp if you stay together.