I don`t no what to do please help me!

Question

okay so i was going out with this guy. then he was out with his friends. then i got a call from his mom she said that he is in the hospital. she wouldn`t tell me y so i went 2 the hospital and i went outside the room that he was in and his mom was wating out there sitting on the ground crying! i asked her what happened and she said that he had gotten into a crash and that when he got here he wasn`t breathing and they said that he might not live. so we waited outside and then we got the news he died now i don`t want to let go of him what do i do?

Answer 1

very sorry....i donno what to say..please take care

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not your decision whether or not you can let go of him now. Believe me, time will mend everything. You'll probably be crying for the next few days or weeks, or even months. But you will get over it. Just don't think too much about it and try to busy yourself with things to do.

Answer 3

This question really hit home for me, It could have been my question 14 years ago.  I know what you are feeling and all I can say is time will heal the wounds.  In my case I blamed myself, if only I had,,,,, and there were a hundred if onlys..... Funny thing is his mom did the same thing....if only's herself.  The bottom line is no one is to blame, for life and death are natural parts of our existance.  The best advice I can give is what I found helped me, I sat down and wrote all the good things he told me about his family, storyes about family vacations or funny things that had happened in his family ect.  Then I gave this to his mother so she knew what his thoughts were during the last days he was here,  to my suprise she did the same with me, she wrote all she could remember him telling her about me and what he liked and ect.   It was very healing to know that we helped eachother.  Be there for her and she will be for you.  I wish there was a pill I could recomend to make the hurt go away, but there isn't, just trust me when I say it will get better, and a wise nurse told me it was ok to be angry, it was ok to express my anger toward him, god, the world, she said anger is part of healing and she was right.  You will feel a bunch of diffrent feelings, let them be expressed and they will help you heal.  All my prayers to you and hugs to surround you.

Tigger

Answer 4

keep in touch with the mom, it sounds as if she felt you should be there. As for letting go that's something that may never completely take place but try to move forward but remember the times you did have and that you both enjoyed each other during the time you did have together...good luck

Answer 5

Well you don't have to let go of him keep him in mind and ask your self what would he want. He would want you to help him mom and family threw this and to find some one to make you happy. Then tell people about the good qualities of him and he will stay among the world within peoples minds and hearts.

Answer 6

First off, I am sorry for your loss.  This is a really hard time to go through.  

As far as letting him go, unfortunately there isn't anything else you can do but that.  I would honor his memory the best way you see fit (a memorial page, a gathering of friends and family for a tree planting, a scrapbook of pictures to present to his mother, etc) but the best advice I can give is for you to simply be strong for his mother.  This is extremely difficult for her and you can show her how much you cared by just being there for her.  You can make dinners for her family (like lasagnas or casseroles that can be frozen), you can offer to help watch any young children she might have, you can come over just to talk with her or comfort her.  She will need as much support as she can get, so you being there, in your own pain and grieving as well will let her know that she is not alone and he will never be forgotten.

Good luck.

Answer 7

If he was that badly injured, you didn't have choice.  His parents, doctors and his body all have the ultimate say in the matter.  No one wants a loved one to die, especially like this.

Grieving takes a long time to work through.  The first step is denial.  That is where you are.  Dr Kubler-Ross defined the five stages of grief, a widely used model on how grief works.  It's very hard to work through all these steps, but it does happen over time.

Stages

The stages are:

   1. Denial:

          * Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."

   2. Anger:

          * Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"

   3. Bargaining:

          * Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."

   4. Depression:

          * Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"

   5. Acceptance:

          * Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

Others have noticed that any significant personal change can elicit these stages. For example, experienced criminal defense attorneys are aware that defendants who are facing stiff sentences, yet have no defenses or mitigating factors to lessen their sentences, often experience the stages. Accordingly, they must get to the acceptance stage before they are prepared to plead guilty.

Additionally, the change in circumstances does not always have to be a negative one, just significant enough to cause a grief response to the loss (Scire, 2007). Accepting a new work position, for example, causes one to lose their routine, workplace friendships, familiar drive to work, or even customary lunch sources.

The most common factor is when the person doesn't have the capacity to change their situation, at least not without considerable loss to themself, thus a person who would go through these stages would not need to continue if they found a way out of the situation: e.g., If a person losing their house was at the bargaining stage but then somehow found a way out of the situation, then they'd have no reason to become depressed. So the 'stages of grief' could be linked to a lack of control or ability, e.g., people who have lost limbs, people on the bad end of an ultimatum, people under threat, and so on.

Also, it is interesting to note that this model works in other circumstances that do not necessarily fall under the 'grief' category. This could include events such as loss of privacy, not getting something that was deserved, buying a house at the peak of a boom, or when embarrassing photos are taken.

[edit] Grief

In 1974, "The Handbook of Psychiatry" defined grief as "...the normal response to the loss of a loved one by death," and response to other kinds of losses were labeled "Pathological Depressive Reactions." This has become the predominant way for counselors and professionals to approach grief, loss, tragedy and traumatic experiences.[1] Kubler-Ross also viewed the various stages as equally valid coping mechanisms, allowing an individual to work through their disease process or loss over time.