I dont want his new girlfriend around my baby!!!?

Question

i was with my boyfriend over 5 years! we tried conceiving a child the last 18mths. the last two months (before we broke it off..pls not i was 10 weeks at the time and yes he knew i was pregnant then) he started going out like crazy and i started suspecting him cheating on me. after some investigation i found out he was. i confronted the girl and she had the nerve to lie to me and say they werent, that they were just friends! well it's been about a month and half or two since we broke up and from what i know they are getting serious. his family is supporting me and they don't like her nor do they want her around either. i dont know if he's being with her more on purpose bcs they dont want her around or if he really does feel something.

he said he'd be there for me at first, but hasn't, hasn't gone to any doctor appointments, nothing, just calls like once a week to see how i'm doing and wants me to text him anytime i have any baby news. which now i dont think it's fair at all.

i dont feel like he should have any rights... this girl dresses vulgar(he met her at a bar) they both go out drinking every weekend... and just because she lied to me ...

I DONT WANT HER AROUND MY CHILD! i dont want her at the hospital nor do i want her anywhere near my child afterwards. i cant keep my baby from him bcs he's the father but i do not want her around my kid.

i still love him and i may sound like a sore loser... being with her he still called me telling me he loved me and how we had to make it work for our baby(he was drunk) but the next day he acted like nothing happened. now i dont even know if i want him back...

i guess i havent put out the actual question, but am i wrong for not wanting her around? if we are not going to be together then i would have accepted that, i would have accepted later on down the line if he met someone... but not someone he cheated on me with and she knows that and she still trying to pursue something with him... my child isnt even born yet, and i feel he's already trying to force me into sharing my child with someone and i dont think thats fair!!!

I'm 26, he's 26, and his little friend is 21!!!

Answer 1

What is happening to you is why you should wait until your married to have kids.

You can't control who he allows around your baby after it's born unless there is abuse involved towards the child.

You can keep him out during birth since you're not married and the girlfriend too so don't worry about that.  You decide who is in the room when you give birth, not him.

If you really want him to come to your doctors appointments with you just don't give him any information.  You don't have to.  Tell him if he wants to know he'll have to come to the appointments with you.

Answer 2

I know it sucks and I wouldn't want her around either. But he is choose to be with her for whatever reason and she can be where he is.  You don't have to let her in the room or anything like that. 1 month isn't a serious relationship and he shouldn't be bringing her to the birth or anything like that. He doesn't sound like the best boyfriend either but I understand you love him and people can make mistakes. Maybe you should try seeing if he will go an appointment with you and then y'all two can talk about things.  It's still early on and things can change but it's really up to y'all how things happen.  But if he does get back with you he should not be going out what so ever.  It's going to be hard either way with trust and hopefully  she will leave him alone and not cause problems.  But if he does choose to be with her then there is not much you can do.  Sorry for your situation hopefully he realizes what he did before it's too late.

Answer 3

i think it is perfectly normal to not want to share your baby with them, but unless you want to sue for full custody, you can't control with he does with the child when he or she is in his care as long as he is not abusing the child or affecting the child negatively. you can try to talk to him about what you think but he probably won't listen to what you say. another thought is that maybe you can hope that his friend will actually disappear soon since it might be like a fling for a while.  well if you really want to control your child's life fully then you will have to get full custody or have supervised visits through court. the only thing you can really control now is who is allowed in the birthing room.

Answer 4

Jen is right and he does have rights but if he can not be a responsible adult while caring for his child then he can have those rights taken away. You can go to court and force him to have supervised visitation. Which means someone will have to be present when he's seeing his child. You can also have her proved her unfit. Which means you can have a restraining order(in your childs name) against her. Which means he can see the child when she is present. All of these are pretty under handed things to do though. I think you need to take a look at your situation and figure out if its her you're upset with or him. Don't deny your child its father just because you're angry at the wrong person. You could be the bigger adult here and let him know your concerns and make adult decisions together with the best interest of the child in mind.  

Answer 5

You're not wrong for emotionally not wanting her around, but you're wrong if you think you can control it.  As you said, he's the baby's father and has rights to the baby.  What he does during his time with the baby is up to him, as long as he's not hurting or endangering the child.  Him calling once a week to see how you're doing and wanting you to text him anytime you have any baby news is about the most you can expect at this point, unless you expect him to help financially with your prenatal care.

Answer 6

Your not wrong for not wanting her around, I would feel the same way especially if I still had feelings for him. Now as for saying it is because she lied to you...lets get it right he is the liar he is the cheater you had a relationship with him and she is someone he "picked up" he is the trash and the one you should be mad at.

You should never want to have him back after all this he would do it to you again and again its not worth it for you or the baby.

And for all you know she will be gone soon so don't worry about them you take care of yourself and prepare for your little one eventually it will be ok and you wont feel anything for him.

Take care