I dont want my babys fathers new girlfriend around my kid period!?

Question

i was with my boyfriend over 5 years! we tried conceiving a child the last 18mths. the last two months (before we broke it off..pls not i was 10 weeks at the time and yes he knew i was pregnant then) he started going out like crazy and i started suspecting him cheating on me. after some investigation i found out he was. i confronted the girl and she had the nerve to lie to me and say they werent, that they were just friends! well it's been about a month and half or two since we broke up and from what i know they are getting serious. his family is supporting me and they don't like her nor do they want her around either. i dont know if he's being with her more on purpose bcs they dont want her around or if he really does feel something.

he said he'd be there for me at first, but hasn't, hasn't gone to any doctor appointments, nothing, just calls like once a week to see how i'm doing and wants me to text him anytime i have any baby news. which now i dont think it's fair at all.

i dont feel like he should have any rights... this girl dresses vulgar(he met her at a bar) they both go out drinking every weekend... and just because she lied to me ...

I DONT WANT HER AROUND MY CHILD! i dont want her at the hospital nor do i want her anywhere near my child afterwards. i cant keep my baby from him bcs he's the father but i do not want her around my kid.

i still love him and i may sound like a sore loser... being with her he still called me telling me he loved me and how we had to make it work for our baby(he was drunk) but the next day he acted like nothing happened. now i dont even know if i want him back...

i guess i havent put out the actual question, but am i wrong for not wanting her around? if we are not going to be together then i would have accepted that, i would have accepted later on down the line if he met someone... but not someone he cheated on me with and she knows that and she still trying to pursue something with him... my child isnt even born yet, and i feel he's already trying to force me into sharing my child with someone and i dont think thats fair!!!

I'm 26, he's 26, and his little friend is 21!!!

Answer 1

If you don't want child support, then I'd move o  out of state and make a new life for myself.

Why in the world would you think she'd be at the hospital when you give birth?  Weird!!!

If he's not in your life in one paragraph, and then the next is he's forcing you to have her in your baby's life...............I'm confused honey.

Your bitter right now.  Get your life together  and leave the state  and find you a man down the road who will respect you and that baby

Answer 2

NEWS FLASH!!!!

It's his kid too.  

Answer 3

you can not keep your child from his father. he can go to court and get  visitation. as for child support its not for you. it is money that the father gives the mother to help support the child. take him to court and make him pay the child support. and you can give the baby your last name the father has no control over what you name your baby.



  

Answer 4

You're being petty because she's a homewrecker and she lied to you. Oh, and you're pregnant. As far as your family agreeing with you...I'd agree with anything a pregnant woman says too. Pregnant women are vicious when crossed. Don't believe me? Re-read your scenario. You are really pissed off.

I don't know if your ex will be there for your kid. So far, all I know about this new chick is she's a homewrecker, she dresses S****y, and she's a liar. Not the best qualities, but it doesn't make her a child abuser.

Answer 5

hate to say it, but you cannot keep the child away from her, unless you can prove she is a monster...abuser, ect.

my husbands ex tried that too, she failed miserably!

you cannot dictate who he chooses to be around, with the baby.

try to make peace, and see the best in her, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD!

Answer 6

Why punish your child for the father's infidelity?

Women like you make me sick.

I bet you knew he was cheating and you got pregnant on purpose to try and balckmail him into choosing you. You lost, now your bargaining chip ( the child has a lifetime of BS to put up with because of Your choice to have a child with a man who was cheating...

As long as he isn't declared an unfit parent, and as long as she doesn't pose some sort of danger to the child, you are S.O.L. th alaw is pretty clear that you may not dictate such things to the father of the child...

RElax though, 90% of guys don't give a ratsAss anyway and you won't have to deal with that situation for too long... you could be one of those horrible beasts who moves away so you can get your way and alienate your child from the father, but hey, sounds like you are going to do whatever it takes anyway, regardless of the law or what may be right.

Answer 7

I really hate to say this, but it is not your choice.  You are not wrong for not wanting her around, but you aren't with him anymore either.  I can tell you he wouldn't be allowed to stay the night with her or vice versa if the child is present.  It is "frowned" up on by the courts.  It doesn't matter if you give the baby your last name or not.  If he wants to be apart of the baby's life a court will make that decision for you.  I understand it wasn't your choice to not be with him, but he chose to not be with you.  Again, another reason I don't think people should TRY to have babies unless they are married.  I know a marriage won't always change the fact about whether or not someone will cheat, but after 5 years if he wouldn't marry you, why would you want to get pregnant with him?  I know, everything is always perfect.  He will never do that to you.  Then one day you find out how wrong you were.  I am sorry you are having to go through this, but have you tried just having a conversation with him about it?  I don't think it would help, but I don't know any of the parties involved either.  

Answer 8

You are acting like a two year old who can't have her own way!!  That child deserves and has a right to be around his or her father.  As far a child support goes, the court will order it.  Don't put his name on the birth certificate.  If he chooses to, he can and will take you to court and the Court will order the child's name changed.

GROW UP AND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF!  THINK ABOUT YOUR'S AND HIS CHILD!

Answer 9

I'm with Valerie why were you trying to have a baby if you weren't married and sorry if i sound rude I'm not trying to be rude and sorry to hear that hes scum and he problemly hope you weren't prego cause he has chosen a new way of life which my personal opinion is not for the better well i say let him dig his own hole let him do his bar scene and that w***e will either cheat on him or she just might find herself another bar buddy you need to focus on you and the baby and try not to worry about him hes obviously not the person you thought he was and for his girlfriend being around your child i doubt she even be around when your child's born not many relationships last when they start out with the word CHEATING involved good luck with your pregnancy

Answer 10

you can give your baby your last name, but if he wins visitation you have no say if the girlfriend is around. you'll need to work past it.

Answer 11

You know I have been on both sides of this scenario. So I understand how you feel. But you know what you will realize after you really get over this baby daddy? You are putting too much effort into holding a grudge against "the other woman" to realize that the only one you should hold animosity against is your baby daddy. She didn't force him to leave you for her. That was his choice. And I completely understand your feelings right now. Because my baby's daddy done the same d**n thing. I even went to jail over that girl for trying to whoop her ***, but you know what I finally realized. He was not worth it. I used to say that he wouldn't be around our baby with her around, but after time went on and I really did move on, It became clear to me that I only wanted to have control over that situation because I still had feelings for him. Now I would probably let her watch my child before I would let him. lol. Also I have been on the other side of that scenario. My husband has a boy with another woman and I wasn't the cause of their break up, but I was the one he got with just after their split. And she despised me for the longest too. She wouldn't let him see his son if I was going to be around. That way she could be up his *** in hopes that being around her would make him miss her or something. It caused a lot of problems with me and my now husband, which is exactly what she wanted. But now we are married, we made it past all that and he chose me. Now that she has accepted that, me and her, cool as a fan. You are using the excuse of having a child with this person to have control of this person. You don't want a person you manipulate into being with you. You want a person who wants to be with you.

Answer 12

Wow.  Sour grapes.  I wouldn't worry too much; by the time you pop out that baby he will probably have moved on to some other tart.

Answer 13

He's the father and she's his gf.  I know how you feel about her and it's normal but you can't keep her away unless there is some reason you believe (and can prove) that she'd do your child harm in anyway.

There isn't much you can do really because as long as he's with her and he sees his baby, she will probably be there.

I am so sorry you're going through this.  And I hate to sound preachy, but this is why bf/gf should not start a family until there is more stability in their lives (marriage) so the child has more stability from the get go.

Answer 14

The BEST thing you can do for your baby is to have a good relationship with the father. He's free to date whomever he wishes and when the baby is with him he will most likely have his girlfriend de jour around. As long as his girlfriends are good to your child, then all is well. (This girlfriend probably won't last anyway...)

Don't raise the baby with anger/bitterness toward the father. That will poison all 3 of you. Move on to having a mature, healthy, responsible relationship with Baby Daddy.

Answer 15

okay first of all you are so right

it's your right to keep your baby away from his gf, if you don't want her in your life or your baby's you have a right to keep her away

this man shoulden't have cheated on you, and it's wrong for him to say that he'll help but not actually do it

you deserve someone who will stay by you and who cares enough for this baby to stick around

i think that you should tell him that she isin't to come around, and that he should come to your house if he want's to see the baby

he's not trying to force you to share your child, you arn't going to share your child, she's yours

i think that you are very brave and that you will be fine without him, but it may be a little uncomfortable for you and him if his family is supporting you (i'm not sure)

i wish you lot's of luck! <3

Answer 16

I know I'm going to get a thumbs down from you, but I want to share my opinion anyway.

Yes, you are wrong for not wanting your child around this person.  You're bitter and angry that she stole your man away from you, which is totally understable, but you have no reason to want to keep your child from her other than your bitterness.

If she turns out to be a bad influence on your child, or harms your child in any way, THEN you have a right to say/do something about it.  For all you know, this person could end up being your child's step mother, and you have no control over that.  You have no control over who your ex dates or marries.  If he is very serious about this woman, than she will be a part of your child's life.  Don't resent her age -- my husband and I have a 5 year age difference.

Anyway, long story short, keep your bitterness with her and your ex out of this.  The fact that she will be around your baby shouldn't be an issue for you at all, you're just bitter and hurting.  I suggest some counseling to help you get over the pain and betrayal, and be more accepting of your ex's girlfriend.  You need to get over the hurt and accept her as part of your child's life.

Answer 17

You chose to bring a child into this world with a man who had made NO commitments to you whatsoever. It was a bad move (which I'm sure you've realized by now), so like it or not, you're going to have to face some negative consequences from that decision. You don't get to dictate who he's allowed to date and who he can bring around your child. As long as her presence isn't putting the child in any physical danger, you can't keep her away from her boyfriend's child when he is watching the baby.

Answer 18

I know its a bit to late to say this, but why on God's Green Earth would you make a baby with a man you aren't married too???

When are you young women going to LEARN??!

You aren't going to be able to control who he sees and who he brings the baby around, unless you can PROVE that person is unfit (drugs, prostitution, etc...) so UNLESS she is TOTALLY horrible and the cops know her by name, forget it...

The authorities give kids back to crack smoking, abusive mothers and fathers EVERY SINGLE DAY.....trust me, you going to a little court hearing crying about his new girlfriend is just going to make you look jealous and vindictive......I know your upset, but thats the REALITY!!!!

Answer 19

you give that baby your last name!  

adding more, hang on...

as the baby's mother, you have every right to disallow him from the child if she's tagging along...  a baby is too young to be confused about this crapola...  you tell him if he wants to see the baby he will have to fight for visitation rights in court, and you tell the courts you don't want your baby around this freakin' hussy...!  

Ps, Val does have a point =)

good luck!

add:  cheating men are unstable, and until he can prove some stability (not for days, weeks, or even months...years...) he should not be allowed alone with the child until he can prove himself as a good example...  cheating on women is not a good example...

Answer 20

You don't have to give the baby! his last name at all!  He can be listed on the Birth certificate, but there is no law stating you have to.  Be proud and give your baby your last name.  If he wants to visit the baby he can;  but not with her.  Its your child! after all you carried the baby for 9 months, he has done nothing.  Remember it takes two and your boy friend went out on you! the other woman should now just back away but hey! stupid is as stupid does.  

Answer 21

This is nearly too dumb to answer, but I just can't help myself.

It's his kid, too.  Not a thing you can do about it.  

I agree with (whomever) what's with you young women and having babies with some loser?  26 year olds should be beyond this.

Answer 22

You have no control of who he hangs around, so, all you can do is stop contact with him and give this miracle of God your last name. Move on. If he wants to come around, great.... BUT for goodness sake... please don't give your child his last name.

As far as sharing goes... you should give him the chance to get to know your child. It would be horrible to grow up and find out that Mommy wouldn't let Daddy come around, and having a Dad can actually benefit your child's life.

So, just think before you do anything major.

Answer 23

No matter what give the baby your last name,PLEASE! I have a child who is almost 7 and I gave him the fathers last name and it has been so hard for my son. The father hasn't seen my son in 4 years. I got married 4 years ago and my son calls my husband Dad and you would never know any different that's how close they are. We have since had a little girl 5 months old and of course she has mine and my husbands last name. Well my son came to me one day and said Mommy am I not part of this family since you Daddy and Alivia have the same last name and mine is different!? Talk about breaking your heart! Just whatever you do no matter how hard it is ALWAYS think about your child and that the choices you make today for them last a life time. Stop thinking about your ex and what his doing because he sure isn't thinking about you. You and your child will make it just surround both of you with people that you know love you! Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 24

sorry hunny but if your ex is planning a long term relationship with his new woman then you wont have a choice about her having contact with your child...

it is his child too and if he wants his gf around his baby then its his choice..

yes he has rights to the baby when its born because he is the father...

just because you and your ex arent together anymore isnt a reason to relinquish his rights...

if you choose not to go after the father for child support then thats your decision but it has nothing to do with him seeing his child...

you might as well suck it up and realize you cant control who your ex is with and who will b around your child if theyre with him...