I dont want to have to choose between my best friend and fiance

Question

Ok, so I have my best friend, I have known her since we were both in 4th grade and ever since we have been inseperable. We finish sentences for each other and can pretty much to ANYTHING and the other person would not care. She is an amazing friend and I cannot go a day without her. Now on the other hand I have my fiance. We have been together for 4 years now and I love him VERY much and vise versa. Heres the problem, THEY HATE EACH OTHER. my friend hates my bf(only because she is jealous that i spend a lot of time with him) and vise versa, my boyfriend doesnt life her because he thinks she is telling me to leave him and whatever. So everytime I am with my friend i have to lie to my boyfriend or else he will flip, and if Iam hanging with my boyfriend and my friend calls she gets mad too. Tonight my boyfriend said he doesnt want my friend at the wedding. I NEED her there, but i dont want to loose him either(he is really serious). HELP

Answer 1

I had a situation so similar to yours except my fiance didn't like my bestfriend because he just thought she needed to grow up.  But it all worked out in the end.  They now tolerate each other because they both love me.  If your fiance really loves you then he will allow your friend at the wedding and if your friend really loves you she wont start anything w/your fiance.  

Answer 2

Thats hard.  She was there firtst and sounds like she will always be there for you.  I would talk to him again about it.

Answer 3

If you can, sit them both down and tell them how you feel. Explain to them that you love them both very much and that what they are doing is hurting you and if they cared anything about you they would come to some sort of an agreement and make peace. They don't have to be around each other all the time but they could be civil towards each other for your sake. And if you want your best friend to be in your wedding then that is your right. They need to get over their petty jealousy and grow up.  

Answer 4

If your fiance can't stand to have your friend in your life, he isn't going to be a good husband.  And if you best friend can't let you have your own life and do what makes you happy, she isn't much of a friend.

I would sit down with both of them and tell them that either they figure out how to call a truce or the wedding is going to be postponed indefinately and she is going to loose your respect.

If they love you they should be able to put aside differences for one special day.

I also have to say this, and hope it isn't true.  I've seen this happen more than once with friends, and usually the two had cheated together and couldn't stand the guilt anymore.  I actually knew 3 people that this happened with and two of the brides never found out.

Answer 5

Your very first loyalties and obligations belong to your fiance.....you should NOT be lying to anyone on where & who you spend time with, that is messed up so knock it off.....

Your Boyfriend needs to chill on the girlfriend....point out that you don't control who he hangs with during his guy friend time.

Your friend needs to grow up.....she cannot be the center of your universe...what happens when you have a kid? will she resent the child for taking up 'her' time as well......

I guarentee once she has a fiance, she won't remember your name.....

So...tell both you have the right to spend time with each of them without the other taking issue however, the fiance gets most of your time after all, you will be making a new life with HIM......

...and tell the fiance the best friend WILL be at the wedding...if he demands she cannot attend then he can't have ANY of his friends either...no exceptions.

And inform them both for your sake they had best be on good behavior....or the girlfreind will be escorted OUT and the groom will be spending his wedding night ALONE.....and tell them both to GROW UP. life is not a sandbox and you are not the lone shovel that they need to fight over....stop treating you like a thing and start considering your feelings...which they both are selfishly not doing. Good Luck.

Answer 6

You need to sit both of them down and tell each of them to grow up. That is ridiculous! The only reason that they don't like each other is because they think the other one is taking up to much of your time? If your fiance cannot accept your friend as a part of your life then I would seriously start to have second thoughts about marrying him. I could see if you friend did something really awful to him - but it sounds like she hasn't.

Under no circumstances should you give up your relationship with your best friend just to please your fiance. If he is that adamant about it then tell him to give you one good reason...and a good reason isn't because she takes up your time.

Get both of them together and try to have a talk. Maybe each of them will understand - but be careful - if your fiance overreacts to this then I think that's a warning sign.  

Answer 7

You need to tell both of them to grow up. They don't have to like eachother, they just have to tolerate eachother.

Answer 8

I am shocked your BEST FRIEND and FIANCE are *this* immature that they can't put there differences aside to make this special day happen.

Your friend needs to realize that friends grow up and start lives with other people, but that doesn't mean the friendship has to change.

Your fiance needs to realize that women needs there best friends, period.

Sit them both down and explain this to them.

I HATE my BEST FRIENDS boyfriend, but I respect there relationship and support her no matter what. Sure we don't spend EVERY DAY together anymore, but that happens, people grow up and get lives, I work full time, she goes to school full time.

My best friend doesn't like my fiance either, she thinks I can settling and can do better, but she will supports me and loves me and is there for me.

My fiance doesn't like my best friend, but he has put that aside to make our special day happen. He is being an adult about it and is glad I have someone who loves me so much in my life that she wants to help me with everything for our wedding.