Hey all
It has been a while since I have been having dreams , or perhaps more correctly remembering the dreams that I have. A year ago I never used to remember anything. yet a year ago I wasn't under the same pressure that I'm dealing with now, on the account that I'm in grad school of engineering and joined a lab and working very hard to get some experiments and always have meaningful data on weekly basis.
So most of my dreams I remember usually and at least once a week I see a nightmare , not the kind of nightmare involving dead people, or accidents or blood and flesh, but mostly realistic stuff to people that i know and love very much as in something bad happening to them.....And lately myself.
If i see a bad dream and i don't remember it I would still be sad during the day not knowing why, but many times I'm so sad that i remember pictures of a dream and i remember having it.
Last night i lived -literally lived- an experience that I might not live in the awake state of consciousness. You know how they say that if you never had cancer you can't know how it feels like?....... well I had four types of Leukemia , specifically Leukemia , at once. In my dream i was getting tests and my parents were with me and i was sad but never cried and I was thinking in my dream (not realizing its a dream, cuz sometimes I do) I was thinking , this is horrible, I'm deeply irreparably damaged and I appreciate how a friend of mine (in real life) who had cancer felt. Doctors were telling me that my blood is very thick with cells that my kidneys are damaged, and though there is a slight chance of recovery there is a long queue for medication and hence i wont make it. The experience of me waiting and seeing myself collapse was very true I lived the feeling , then something else happened, I actually chose not to get treated. I told them, give me something for the pain and make it easy. I remember my parents but i can't see their faces.
I woke up and my day is so very much stained with the memory of this experience.
Now that I think of it, I'm fascinated how my brain totally was tricked and i lived the experience realistically and if I never have cancer this shall be a very close encounter with cancer.
The night before I remember my mother having a slug like cyst or something on her neck which turned out to be a malignant tumor. I started crying and I eventually woke up to find myself really crying.
A while before that, i remember that someone, perhaps one of my parents asked me to run an errand. I remember it was a hard task that they gave me and i was looking for out not being able to do it. Then my mom asked me graciously with a loving smiling face: Do you want to die? and I say: Yesssssss yesssssss, please let me die, life is no place for me, its too dtressful and I'm very sad.....please I want to die..(this was my answer work for word). I was so wanting to die I woke up and thought , wow do i really want to? because i was very happy in my dream that someone offered it to me..
So let me know your input guys... I'll take anything you say , don't be scared to say some injuring facts....cuz no matter what you say its gonna hurt less....if any
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