I feel I have no say in the discipline of our son. Or home life in general. Help!

Question

I recently grounded my 16 year old son. I was planning on grounding him for 1 to 2 weeks. I grounded him after I saw him driving his car with other kids in it. Its against the law to have passengers in a car until he is 17 in California. This was the final straw after he got a ticket for speeding, got caught shoplifting, found pills and marajuana in his room and I caught him bypassing the parental controls on the family computer. I have had numerous talks. And always he will never do it again. I always thought my wife and I have been to lenient. So in an attempt to hopefully change his behavior I grounded him. My son behaved like I was the worst person in the world. My wife behaved like I was the meanest father. I feel completly betrayed by my wife. And I feel completly disrespected by my son. I have very mixed emotions from angry as h**l to very hurt. What does everyone think.

Answer 1

I hear ya, it's hard to discipline when your spouse isn't on board. But think about it... your son's repeated bad behavior could have hurt others. And not only would he be liable, but so would you and your wife. Are either of you willing to risk losing everything so you don't seem "mean"? NO. The more he acts out, the more you amp up the punishment. yeah, some rebellion is to be expected, but he's your son, not your friend. It's not a democracy. If he wants to act like a child, so be it. You will drop him off at school and pick him up everyday. In between he can either get a job or study and work around the house. He won't think you're the worst person in the world after you've kept him out of trouble long enough to go to college and not mess his whole life up. Keep doing what you're doing!!!

Answer 2

you were completely right to do that. try to keep him away from bad influences and get him involved in new things. keep him close to you and keep a close watch over everything he does. he will thank you later.  

Answer 3

Sounds like your son is doing a great job of playing you and your wife against each other in order to get his own way.  Sometimes us moms are totally blinded by love when it comes to our kids and he is manipulating that love.  You need to make her see this so that you can present a united front.  

Answer 4

You did the right thing and your wife is the one enabling your son at this point to be a rotten child with very little respect for rules, regulations, responsibility etc.  As long as she is more worried about being liked than raising her son with some standards, your son is going to continue to be a brat and your wife too.  You need to let your wife know that from this moment forward, you are holding her responsible for all of his bad behavior.  Let her know that she needs to suck it up and not be so afraid of being "disliked" by her son.  Take them both to the juvenile hall for a tour, and the state prison too.  Scare the c**p out of them both and let them know that if they continue on their current path, this is the future for your son.

Answer 5

I think you did the right thing. Actually i think i would have grounded him more than that but its a start. Of course hes going to get angry at you for grounding him, i would at my mom! And you are right you should not let your son disrespect you and you dont want him to get hurt either. So tell him that and tell your wife its the right thing to do he needs some discpline before the parents lose control of him

I think i would have mixed emotions as well

Answer 6

I don't think you were wrong by disciplining him. I would of taken the car away for good until he could prove that he was responsible enough to have it back. When raising kids the parent need to be a Strong together. Of course your son doesn't respect you , neither does his mother. Sad to say. But You wife needs to open her eyes and see that her baby boy is growing up and headed down the wrong path, before its too late. I would stick to the punishment and let him know you are the parent and the adult and he is the child. talk with your wife and let her know how you feel and that you need her to back you up when it comes to trying to dicipline you son. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

You were probably too lenient if he is 16 and acting as you say he is. I don't know whether its just me but he sounds real immature for his age. He is just gonna have to grow out of it. About your wife, i can't help you there.

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing. and I think you need to talk to your wife let her know that your son needs to be disciplined or he will continue the bad behavior second you need to ground him for more than just a week or two he has done all of these things take his car away make him walk and don't give in or the  behavior will  continue.

Answer 9

1 to 2 weeks grounding is a very light punishment for breaking the law.  Stick to your guns. Talk it out with your wife focusing on the fact that you are trying to help your son stay out of trouble with the law by learning a little dicipline and that you need her support to help your son.