I feel People no i have psychiatric problems & no about my history so treat me badly, how can i deal with it ?

Question

How would you react & survive in an area where alot of people acted strange & aloof towards you maybe because they knew about you and your psychological problems.....and stigma existed about you ?

im 30, had a very hard, traumatic life, suffer with BPD and ptsd, i live alone in a one bedroom flat on disability, i dont own much possessions except an old computer, a few books etc...no carpets on the floor.

i was bullied and victimised severley throughout my life, in secondary school i fought blacks and was also targeted and victimised by gangs of them very often.

because of that experienced, unfortunatly, regretably, i bottled up a lot of rage & i used to have rage attacks and outbursts in public many years ago.,,,,id lash out at strangers....feel i was being threatened....disconnect with mmy surroundings.....get jealous of happy people......pick fights act aggressive and basically lose control of my conduct ' completley' in public.

sadly this happened many times, and ive been very lucky not to end up in serious trouble.

the outbursts caused people to ostracise me, point and laugh at me....avoid me....socially exclude me.....cause me to get publically attacked many times by loutish rogues......causing me public embarressment & humiliation..

this was about 8 years ago, and was because i bottled up anger for years when i was being severley bullied growing up...and at the amount of sheer times i was victimised bullied..

im now building my life from scratch....ive never been employed...never achieved qualifications.....never formed ANY relationships at all in life....ive achieved nothing only suffered.

i have a minor criminal record.

my long term ambition once i had therapy is to emigrate from the united kingdom with a decent paying job....somewhere near the coast.

but meanwhile, here in the areas where i live right now, ive put up with what i feel is echoes of the behaviour i experienced of the past and i dont no how to handle it sometimes, except become angry and aggressive.

i feel labelled, stigmatised, like theres something documented about me as someone to avoid....even though i have no proof of that.

alot of people, the general public are quite aloof, abrupt, distant and unfriendly towards me.

people cross the road if i walk on same side of road sometimes, library clerks...shop attendants...cashiers are all abrupt, aloof....speak down to me , not speak ' to ' me..

condescend me if im dealing with authority figures , like ive lost my own mind and not aware of myself anymore.

people are standoffish....i get funny stares from blacks sometimes or other members of the public.....like im an alien and dont belong in the same environment.

this really confusses, upsets and aggrevates me as ive put up with this for years and ive made great improvements with my behaviour and anger on my own...without therapy.

i feel alienated & ostracised....i realise not all are like this but most seem to be....even the ones that are nice, it seems a false niceness like they feel sorry for me & because they see whats happening to me..

i try not to be aloof back to people but its hard when you been through what i have...i feel very wary & distrustful. understandably.

i really cant wait for the day i can emigrate from the uk, with a good job and a better life because of all this.

i feel people treat me like the village jester, someone to ridicule, poke fun at...the butt of all laughs and jokes.

ive survived a horrific existance you must understand....i try to readabout hollacaust survivors because i feel so alone in my pain and torment....no one i meet or hear about has survived the torture i have,,

ive suffered mental abuse, physical bullying, rejection , ALL MY LIFE- NO RESPITE, NO BREAKS.

im waiting for therapy right now, have come along way in managing my rage...somedays it surfaces though because of the severe ptsd...which i regret because i work hard to stay in control all the time.

i have other burdens like an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments...i had an mri scan on it last week...have to be careful how i walk on it...otherwise i can twist it and go down.

my life as been a living nightmare & the only things what keep me hanging on is my future goals of emigration eetc.

but meanwhile, how can i handle peoples strange behaviour towards me which is not going away ?

could i be stigmatised or ostracised ?

Answer 1

I am so sorry you feel this way.

People who knew you when you were so very angry are probably scared.

Others are not watching you, they are too busy with their own affairs/appearance.  No-one has been notified about you.

There is no stigma to mental illness, but people are frightened of reactions they don't understand.

I don't suppose you will believe me, hope it helps you to set out your feelings so eloquently.

I think I have read a previous similar post - yours or someone else in the same predicament.

I hope therapy helps and comes soon.

We all go through rough patches when everything goes wrong and things look black, mostly we come out the other side.

Answer 2

Get shower + buy new clothes,Go and get a job anything... Maybe not a supermarket job but something to keep u busy..somthing that ur good at,if its about pottery/art\animals ect..

Your a bit paranoid about people are always watching you,even fi you are,GET OVER IT and do what You like who cares if you have a disorder-they should be kind and not be so dramatic and old fashioned coz everyone has problems

If your neighbours think ur mad,well than say hi when they pass by,have a conversation(if they bring it up) but 1st get a job(dont mention the job) and get hobbys aswell and watch the news...

Dont look so "I hate you" when you go into a shop,say thank you when they finished and dont worry

Answer 3

Focus on your goals and how you're going to move and start new someplace else soon. Don't put much thought into the stares or how people treat you, pay attention to more positive things.

It's more than likely they weren't looking at you oddly, just looking at you because you were there. You may think they were looking at you oddly because you expect them to because of your past of being bullied.

I'm not going to say I completely know what you're going through, because I don't, I haven't experienced everything you've gone through or the extent of bullying you suffered but I do identify with you the fact that you think people are looking oddly at you and that black people/anyone always seem to be bothering you, I do know how that feels. Like how it's not easy to forget what people have said to you in the past.

Try your best to keep doing what you have been. You say you've took control of your anger some and that's good, there's an achievement right there. I understand that in your position, you feel wary of black people. They aren't the same people that bullied you in school, they are probably very different from those types you had to deal with.

If I was in an environment that seemed to be against me, I wouldn't be comfortable at all about it either. But not everyone is against you.

Like I said, focus on your goals of starting new someplace else and meeting new people.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your hard knock life. Please don't become racist towards Blacks they're lots of good ones out there. My advice on how to make people more friendly toward you, is to be kind to other people. Start off with smiling a little more. If people aren't reciprocating your vibes forget them, eventually someone will open up to you.