I feel awful but i dont like my nephew?

Question

ok, so my sister has a 3 yr old son and i have an 8 month old son and i dont live near her and wen we see each other i am always really pleased to see my nephew until recently........... My sister works and he is left with about 4 different people every week to baby sit in all fairness they are my mum, dad and sisters but i think thats the cause of his problems he is very very aggressive and has tried hitting my baby son on many occassions with objcects but my sister doesnt say anything to him i do !! my family who baby sit him are always complaining about his behaviour too me, its getting so bad i am starting to dislike him and am avoiding him and my sister , he has tried hitting me also on many times and breaks and kicks eveything , so do i take the plunge and tell my sister how i feel ?? i dont want to do it just yet as she recently had a mis carriage so when do i bring up the subject i at all?? i am actually frightened of is unpredicatble behaviour

Answer 1

I recommend that you stop going over only because if your nephew hits your baby boy then it will cause alot of problems and that is the last thing you need is problems.

You're sister is probably thinking that it's not a big deal, However she should take in consideration that her son might have problems.

She should get him checked out. It can also be that your sister doesn't give him enough attention and that is why he acts the way he does.

I understand that she wants to persue her dream but at the same time she needs to understand that he needs her.

I hope everything works out for you.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

He obviously need attention... he's always with different people that probably don't dedicate him the time and attention he need, maybe they mind their own business and just make sure he's fed and doesn't get hurt... I think you should talk politely to your sister and say that her kid tried to hurt your baby and that you're worried he's becoming a bit of a bully, and that maybe she should look into it. Then it will be up to her to make sure her kid is receiving the right education and attention.

Answer 3

hi,sorry to hear this,as it brings back the same memories, i to had a nephew who was a complete nightmare around my wee girl. i used to get very upset and hated going to my mother in laws(thats where he lived) she wouldn't check him. or if she did it made him worse!! i remember he used to try nip, squeeze or blatantly throw things at her, or even kick and swear at the gran. eventually we all had a huge argument and it did get a bit nasty, so don't let it simmer like i did. talk to everybody who cares for him.let them know you will put you're child first essp, as he is getting hurt and frightened. and if they don't start disciplining him correctly,you wont be there when he his, they"ll soon take notice. it was jealousy with my nephew as he seen us altogether all the time .maybe you should talk to your sister to try and cut back on hours . my nephew is older now and has changed but the swearing and tempers are still there. nobody understood how much it really upset me at that time,so i wish you lots of luck, and i truly sympathize with you. my wee girl ended up very insecure when this was happing,so keep an eye on it.

Answer 4

You should begin with the other family members for now, she is at a stage where she may not be able to deal with this situation.

I found this interesting:

hitting/biting/kicking are some of the ways toddlers know how to express themselves. They do not have the tools/words to express their emotions, it is cognitively beyond them. As parents, I believe it is our job/responsibility to help guide them and help them learn the word that matches how they feel. When my toddler hits me, I use my skills to assess what he is trying to express, and will get down to his level and say something like this,"please do not hit mommy, it hurts. Did you hit mommy because you are feeling sad?". I believe this is a phase that will eventually pass, and for parents it is not a fun stage, nor do we say hitting is o.k., but one we must understand as 'normal', and not take their hitting personally, rather as an opportunity to help teach them about their 'emotions'. Imagine not being able to express your anger/frustration/sadness, and not having the words to do so? As parents we MUST be consistent EACH and every time in our response. Children respond to consistency, and will eventually learn, it may take some longers than others, so be it, that is their learning curve. Patience is key, but this is our challenge as parents to raise bright and empathetic children.

Answer 5

ok if she recently has amiscarriage wait a few weeks or a month and see if your nephew is acting any better if he is not tell her calmly and suggest that she just leaves him in a daycare with other kids so he is less aggressive and a little kinder !! hope it alll goes well

Answer 6

Wait a while but you will have to mention this soon maybe it will give her a shock and maybe she will fall out with you but in any case she will realise there is a behaviour problem with her child and attempt to sort it out. You should do it soon though in a couple of months the later you leave it the harder it will be for the child to change.

Answer 7

Of course you need to tell her how would you like the whole family saying what a brat your child was behind your back?  Recently my husband took out one of our godsons for a little boating trip and the kid said at the end 'I thought it would be more fun than that!" He was bordering rude with the other people on the boat they didn't like him much at all.

So my husband didn't want to tell his Mother and I told him that its wrong not to tell the parents what is going on ..Well yesterday he apologized for being a brat.  I think he gets this whiny mode from his Dad, who is never happy with anything.  

Next time she asks you to come over tell her your concerns about safety for your baby,heck with her feelings if your baby gets harmed by her child she will most likely say to you 'why didn't you tell me this before?".. she has to know now to correct now or he will just get worse later on.....

Answer 8

Mmm... this is a difficult one, especially in light of your sister's recent circumstances.

If you do say something, she may take offence... but if you don't then her son's behaviour will spiral out of control.  

He is near school age though, so I doubt his teachers will put up with his behaviour!!

Don't feel awful about your feelings towards him, although try to remember that he is just a little boy and must be very confused inside to be lashing out a people.

If it was me... I would probably say something, but wait for the 'right time'... maybe arrange babysitters for you both and have a 'night in' together - see if you can find out what might be causing his bad behaviour by talking to her??

Whatever you do.. good luck. ;o)

Answer 9

Now is definitely not a good time to talk to your sister. Maybe you should talk to one or more of the other caretakers.

I recommend that the family who takes care of him meet and discuss discipline techniques. They all need to be consistent and clamp down on that behavior when it happens. I see it as more of a problem that your sister does not say anything, than that he has a variety of family taking care of him.

Answer 10

No, don't mention that to her right now, she just had a miscarriage.  What you can do in my opinion is say something when she and her son are around and he starts misbehaving, say something to him to make him stop whatever he's doing and if he doesn't stop then you should let her know that he needs discipline from his mother, just because she had a miscarriage doesn't mean it's okay to let her son act up and give his babysitters a hard time, its not fair.  I have a nephew on my husbands side that acts up horribly, he cries over nothing and when he gets mad he starts kicking the walls and what makes me mad about that is that his parents will tell him to stop but they leave him there kicking anway, and they are at someone else's house not theirs, they should at least respect other people's houses so i kinda know where you are coming from, but don't take it out on the child, it's not his fault he is acting this way, maybe since your sister just had a miscarriage she's not giving him the attention that he needs.  You could talk to her about it but in just be calm and cool about it so that she won't become upset.  Good luck!

Answer 11

Don't dislike him-he obviously needs help in his behaviour problem.If mum has suffered a miscarriage she will be feeling low too.The people who look after him need to stick to the same guide lines & treat his behaviour the same.Don't be frightened of his behavior as long as someone is watching him & keeping him occupied.If you don't live near them then make the time you do see them as an enjoyable time.Give him lots of cuddles & make things fun.

Answer 12

you need to have a talk with her as soon as you can really, whats just happenned is not nice but the behaviour of her son is the more pressing issue, she needs to be the parent and tell him off/ and start disciplining him or her husband where is he.? he will be getting more attention as he is being naughty, maybe all your family can get together and all agree to ignore him. ie supernanny style when he is being naughty, dont talk to him, just put him in naughty corner, till he appolgises and behaves. maybe hes acting this way because he can tell your sister isnt her norm and he knows he can get away with it. You might have to be a bit harsh with the boy also if he is trying to hit you, maybe say something like ` I dont want to be around you whilst your being naughty` or `I dont like naughty boys` it might just make him think for a second about his behaviour.

Answer 13

Well...

My brother's 3 yr old son is very aggressive to everyone including his 6 month old brother, so I know how you feel. Usually when I see this going on under my watch I just take his hand and put him in a corner for time out (he's becoming less aggressive around me). I don't know if your sister would tolerate you punishing her son, but it certainly has worked for me.