I feel bad, is this mean of me?

Question

My mom asked if she could come by my house and do a load of laundry. I said today is not a good day. She usually tries to come over once a week and wash a load. To me, once a week is too much, my mom nit picks and is nosy. I feel like she comes over just to be nosy. Her house is 20 minutes from my house & she could just easily go to the laundromat 5 minutes from her house.

FYI-Recently I started locking the deadbolt because she has the key to my regular lock and would come over to my house while I was at work without asking.

Answer 1

If she wasn't nit picky and nosy I'd say you're being mean but since she is I think you're okay.  People (even mothers) have to learn how to treat other people (even their children).  The fact that she comes over when you're not there and without asking is wrong.

Answer 2

Tell her that if she's going to be nit-picky or nosy not to bother coming over at all. You're out of the house and your life is none of her business. She is overstepping those boundaries by behaving that way.

Remind her of this until she gets the idea. Also, change your lock and do not give her the spare. If she wants to know why, tell her that it's because you feel her nit-picking and nosy behavior toward you has forced you to do that.  

Answer 3

No, you are your own woman.  If she wants to be nosey then you are doing the right thing.  Who does laundry twice a week that is crazy.  She can go to the laundromat if she wants to go that often.  Don't let her meddle in your business like that.  In fact you should bring this up in a loving manner and say "Hey Ma, you surely do your laundry often"  She will get the hint.

Answer 4

if there is a laundromat available close to her, then why come to yours? maybe she is lonely, or maybe she is nosey. but its your house and your property. you are not being mean. just ask her why she's coming to you for cleaning.

it could be that she's afraid someone would steal her clothes from the laundromat?

Answer 5

Just because she is your mother does not mean you are obligated to allow her to do her laundry there.

If you feel your privacy has been violated by her, then do what you need to do.

If she is perfectly, financially able and physically able to do her laundry somewhere else, then tell her so.

You need to tell her that you do not appreciate her coming over while you are gone. Why did you give her a key?

If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

Unless there is some moral issue involved, of course.

My mother is a very nosy and controlling person. I have very little if anything to do with her.

Answer 6

maybe she is lonely for conversation, maybe she can't afford the laundromat.  tell her she can come at a specific time but you have to leave (pick any excuse) at a spcific time so that she only has enough time to do a load or two, that way she can't overstay her welcome.  then actually get your stuff together as if you are leaving (even if it is for a spin 'round the block).  she'll get the hint that it's time to go. I would respectfully ask for your key back though, why would she need it?

Answer 7

You are not being mean.  Just make arrangements to meet your Mom once a week, maybe at a restaurant or the park.  That way you get the chance to visit and she doesn't get the chance to poke around the house. This way you don't have to feel guilty for not visiting her.