I feel disgusted in myself. pathetic. suisidal. what have i done?

Question

I have turned into Everything i would never want to be. i was madly in love with my boyfriend until he left me 2 years afterwards. he recently went away on a trip.. and so i made a fake account and used my BEST friends picture and became this attractive female via the web. We talked a few nights and he was so nice and so different. everything i ever wished he were for me. i made things worse, when i convinced him to go on a date.. and got him to admit he had feelings for "her." He found out the truth, and i feel so sick and twisted. i cant believe i would do something like that. i wanted so bad to hear him say he still had feelings for me, and i went to such an extent. im pathetic, and so sorry. i sent emails to them both explaining that i am sorry, but now, i dont know what to do. i am beyond myself with regret. i have ruined absoulutly everything that meant anything to me. i am 100 percent ashamed and disgusted in myself. i told him that i would stay out of his life forever. (which im sure, at this point, its what he wants) I have never felt pain like this. i want out. i want it to stop. im scared of the rumours. and i miss him so bad. i hate myself. please.. help.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are in so much pain over this. I think what you did was pretty cool, it shows how smart you really are. I don't think you are pathetic. Suicide will only cause you to miss out on a real relationship with someone who can love you & treat you the way you should be loved. Listen to Taylor Shift's song "Picture To Burn". Good luck.

Answer 2

walk away and never look back.

when i wanted to forget my ex girlfriend i literally burned everything that had to do with her and i havent seen or talked to her since.  i do think about her every once in a while, but thats normal and i dont dwell on it or feel sad about it.  learn from your mistakes and move on with your life.  there are numerous guys out there (that you will like) that will give you everything this guy didnt want to.  

Answer 3

ur better off without him, honestly if he could even have feelings for someone else when he was with u #1 he didnt really love u #2 who knows if he had ever talked to another girl that way, in a sense he cheated on u with u... also now u know what kind of a person he really is he didnt care about u if he said he had feelings for " the other girl" also if u were with him for 2 yrs and this caused him to never want to talk to u again. then he is being immature, because ya it was kinda messed up, but he is only really mad because he got caught in a lie and he got caught basiaclly cheatign on u and that prob. really made him mad. u can do better it takes time but ull find someone who really cares about u one day.  

Answer 4

I did a couple of weird things similar to yours many years ago and then I got help. Found out that childhood fears of abandoment were distorting my adult behaviour.  I think you need counselling to get to the root of your actions - underlying issues. My advice is to move on with your life with counseling and you be happier once you do something about it. All the best.

Answer 5

Hi there

i'm sorry you have to go through this pain, life can be so rough at times,

but take it from me things will get better.. just give them time and i;m sure  things will straight out for you. and what your ex said he is only venting and mad and ashamed for what you did to him.

just explain to them both the truth and let it be and in time things will get better in the meantime just remember to take things easy and look after you!

best of luck!

Answer 6

It sounds like your relationship was already in trouble before you concocted this little scheme.  I think that you knew your relationship was falling apart and this was a way to 'test' your boyfriend.  What you did was probably not the smartest or most honest thing but remember that your boyfriend also replied to this 'girl' that you created.  He needs to take responsibility for his actions as well and it seems like rather than doing so he is trying to shame you and make you feel like you are the only one at fault.  You have apologized by email and if given the chance you should try to do so in person also.  Do not expect to receive an apology fro your boyfriend (exboyfriend) it doesn't sound like he is ready to take this step but it doesn't mean that you don't deserve it. Handle yourself with grace and poise, we all make mistakes, how we deal with the consequences of these mistakes is what forms our personality.  You need to get on with your life and let go of your past mistakes.  Life is so unpredictable and exciting it can change in just a few seconds!  Concentrate on a healthy and happy life and you will make it happen for yourself.  You might want to get some counseling to help you make those necessary changes and to help you along. Good luck! I wish you all the best!  

Answer 7

all is fair in love and war. I am no freak but I see nothing so horrible about what you have done. you haven't ruined anything. you said you werent together anymore. so you had a little fun at his expense. nothing is wrong with that. anyway, you must have known that he was talking with the person you showed him and not you, I think its time you move on. there are many more fishes in the sea. you are not pathetic, forget the rumors. one more thing, anyone can be beautiful with a little makeover.

Answer 8

  What you did was wrong.  He has a right to get mad.  You already apologized and regret what you did, so you have done what you can; hope he forgives you.  And don't hate yourself, everyone makes mistakes.  It already happened, and you can't turn back time so just pray and hope.  

Answer 9

listen up, he is one man. There are billions of other men out there waiting for you. You have gotten so focused on this one guy that your missing the bigger picture that you just experienced a life lesson. Now granted posing as another person wasnt a great idea but it gave you a picture of what you want to be, your friend. Why dont you make amends with your friend and have her help you get through this insted of relying on the internet. If the guy you liked so much can change his personality because of a picture and a fake person on the internet, he wasnt the right man for you. If anything, you should be happy that you found out more about him, and maybe you will think differently about him now. But dont feel pathetic, your in a dificult time, and anyone in your postion would be the same.

Hope this helps!

Answer 10

You need Jesus. Trust me, he can and will heal all pain and suffering in your being. If your not a Christian already, than pray this prayer:

Father, I admit I am a sinner. I have sinned against you and I ask for forgiveness.

I fully believe and accept that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died on the Cross.

I ask you now Jesus to come into my heart to be my personal Lord and Savior.

You need to mean this and once you feel the peace and love that only Jesus from above can give you, You will be saved. Get a bible and pray to God everyday to become a stronger follower for him. Attend church and give your offerings. God can take all of you pain away. He will give you a peace like no other...one that will last for all of your life. He will change you to become the woman of dignity that will change your reputation of being ashamed of yourself. You will be proud of who you are!