I feel forced in a corner...?

Question

My husband and I are separated. He has quit drinking and is working on some issues that caused a huge amount of problems in our relationship. I know he loves me, but there are things we are both addressing in our relationship via counseling to be healthier and happier. He is my best friend, but for a long time I have not felt that I was his best friend or even one of his top three priorities in life.

He has moved in with his brother in a town over an hour's drive away and has a new job. He would like to live with me still, but I cannot trust his actions as of yet. My problem is this - financially I cannot afford to live in our house on my own. I told him he cannot live here until I know for certain the drinking has stopped and some behavioral changes have been made. In my heart, I know I need to see some long-term changes before I can know for sure. Is it fair for me to ask him to still contribute to the living expenses? His thoughts are that since he doesn't live here he should not have to pay anything. The house is in my name, as I owned it before we married. Once we married, however, I acquired some of his debt, took out a car loan for him in my name (but he makes the payments), etc. and the living costs are all higher now, as everyone knows. In the state we live in, he is entitled to half the equity of the home if we were to divorce.

Is it fair for me to ask him to pay part of the mortgage? I don't want to be selfish, but I am between a rock and a hard place here. I even am willing to sell, but the realtors have yet to bring a single person by to even look at it in this depressed market.

Thanks in advance for some advice.

Answer 1

I would say it's fair, yes. Hopefully, his brother isn't charging him rent. That would present a problem.

Answer 2

I would hesitate to pay a penny toward a house where I am not welcome.

It is fair for you to ask but it is just as fair for him to refuse.

Answer 3

yes yes yes charge him half mortgage since if you divorce he gets half the house... that should not even be a question.. and hello! he is living for free mooching off his brother so  yes he needs to pay the mortgage..  

Answer 4

welcome to the real world men have been getting the short end of the stick for a long time now finally your women's lib is biting you back well buck up and get a roommate  

Answer 5

Yes, you are being selfish. Honeslty, no disrespect. You married him. You got fed up with him. You want him to change. You want him to be better. You wanted him to leave. You want him to pay bills and change and be different and ?????? I would of left too.

Have you asked him why it is that he drinks in the first place. Alcoholism is a drug like any other drug, it helps you to numb out all the drama. Are you his drama?

If you need him to help you then you need to help him, he is YOUR husband. I'm sorry but let me be the first to remind you both "In better or worse, in sickness and in health, thru better or worse" yadda yadda yadda. If these words meant nothing to either of you- then to each their own.

These are the concequenses we must face when we use the other person more than we cherish them. Sell your house sign the papers and take care of you. Your husband took the easy way out when you gave him that option....  

Answer 6

Sorry, I'm with him on this one. Have him pay some of your joint bills, or get a roommate.

Answer 7

give it time

Answer 8

If he has changed then he might not mind helping out.  And if you are trying to sell He should help.  That is only fair if he will get half the earnings.  Try to talk to the bank to see if there are any options you might get to lower the payment or interest.  And talk to you lawyer to see if he does not help if you can keep him from getting anything form the sell.  If the lawyer says he will get anyway.  Then he should pay half the mortgage.  Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 9

It is fair that you ask him to pay a portion of the mortgage.

Answer 10

You own the home, therefore he is not responsible to help pay for it while you have him living elsewhere.  You say that you picked up additional debt resulting from marriage to him; I can't think of what that would be?  Just get rid of the added debt to get yourself back to where you were before you married....if you could afford the house before you married, you should be able to afford it now.  As long as he makes the car payments, your credit is fine.  

If it comes down to it, based on the length of your marriage, determine how much he contributed during that time and agree to pay him that amount if he signs a "quit-claim" deed to the (your) house.  Your lawyer will help with this.  This will secure the home as yours alone.  

Answer 11

Money is tight these days. Which make life harder. Personally i think you are doing the right thing... Do you have kids??? if soo why dont you ask for money it's his kids to.. ??

and if u dont c y u cant ask (dont be greedy) just ask for help w/ tht u open a new door though...