I feel good that I was able to let them know what bothers me. They are trying to make me feel bad?

Question

When you tell someone something that you have been holding back for a while (just not to upset them and keep the peace) and they get upset and emotional because they thought there was nothing wrong, should you feel bad?

I had to tell my mother in law that her ways of treating my baby aren't acceptable. I think she's careless and she hurt my daughter or get her sick. I didn't imply that. I just said that ___ that I noticed needs to stop. It was very upfront and I've never confronted her before. She confronted me before on a few things and yes, I felt a bit upset but I never disrespected her feelings and I didn't continue to do what she doesn't like.

I feel like I got a weight off my chest because I was trying to get my husband to talk to her about it for the longest time, he just wouldn't. So I had to. I was fighting with my husband about his mom constantly (almost daily) it was ruining our marriage. Now that it's all out and distributed, should I feel bad? Because I don't.

Answer 1

NO, you should not feel bad because you spoke your mind.  I'm curious what was the behavior?  You shouldn't let anyone treat your child in a way you don't feel is appropriate.

Answer 2

Good for you. And I hope your husband supports you in front of his mother. If he doesn't, you have an even bigger problem.

Answer 3

Nope you shouldn't feel bad! When someone is hurting ur baby, you have to say something. Otherwise they will continue doing it and it's good you stopped her before it potentially got worse! Kudos!

Answer 4

If your MIL or anyone else is doing something to your child that makes you uncomfortable you have every right in the world to tell her (or whoever) this is about YOUR child, not hers, so no need to worry about it, you did the right thing. Anyone else would too in the same position. If another issue like this arises, do the same thing and that way you won't have to be at odds with your husband, although in matters of your child I feel he should back you up.

Answer 5

Hecky Naw! You shouldn't feel bad, she needed to know. What if you held that in until you child grew up and then told her, she would feel terrible mainly because hindsight is 20/20. Its best to let her know right away and so what if her feelings are hurt. You are protecting your child. I hear a lot similar situations when the MIL comes in to take care of the child and when the child is returned they have a rash or is always coming home sick. You need to speak up about things like this. And your husband needs to grow some, he is married to YOU not his mother, I understand about not wanting to hurt someones feelings, but if they are hurting your own wife, or child then a husband needs to speak with his mother about her behavior. There are so many wonderful things that you can do with your wife that you can't do with your mother. Remind him of that if you get into anymore disagreements about her or this.

There really isn't any reason to get emotional about it, and the only reason she thought nothing was wrong, was because you hadn't said anything. Please for now on, if she does something let her know, because like you already stated she doesn't have a problem telling you, so if she can dish it she can take it (and I don't mean to sound petty or at t*t or tat but in those cases you need to let people know).

Answer 6

No you shouldn't feel bad - your child is your No1 priority and everyone else is an adult and can deal with it.  

Sometimes other people are a bit rougher with children than you would be or they do or say things that you wouldn't, so you have to say something or you'll just feel bad about it.

Well done - I think it's very courageous when people talk to other people straight about something they're not happy with.  Your MIL will probably feel a bit put out for a while, but hopefully she'll be able to see your point of view and stop doing whatever it was that she was doing to upset you.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you're feeling guilty now.  Just stand by your decision to say something, and don't apologize about what was said!  You let them know how you felt, and that's that!