I feel like I'm falling... Please, help me...?

Question

I lost my only Son to adoption almost 6 months ago. My family pressured me in to it when I was nine months pregnant and at my mothers funeral. They said I couldn't raise another on my own ( I have 3 beautiful little girls from my previous marriage) They said it would be in his best interest to go to a family more suited to raise a boy since there was no man in my life at the time. I NEVER wanted to give him up but I did as I was told and the night before I went to court (3 days after his birth) I couldn't stop crying, I called my family and told them I couldn't go through with it, they told me that it would devistate the adoptive parents if I changed my mind now, they also said it would get easier with time, well... that couldn't be further from the truth... He will be 6 months tomorrow and I think I'm on the verge of a complete and total melt down. I've talked to lawyers, I've talked to family, everyone has said from day one there is nothing I can do. I'm out of time. please... help

Answer 1

You've got till tomorrow to do something - call your lawer NOW!  It can still be stopped.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

x

Answer 2

It must be very hard but keep comfort in the fact that he is being well taken care of.  At this point the most selfless act may be to let him be.  Can you visit and keep in touch through an open adoption?  Sometimes with children there are no second chances.  I wish you the best.

Answer 3

OMG! this is your only son and you gave him up?girl go back to court or contact the family who adopt him GET HIM BACK ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!if that was me i will never ever do that.

that's so sad how can you give your own blood to some one?how you can give your BABY to adoption i don't know but,my heart CAN'T do that. THE BEST THING YOU DO ITS GET HIM BACK!!

Answer 4

LISTEN, pull yourself together, you can not afford to be hysterical and crying and all over the place. I hope you're up at the crack of dawn, put on your nicest "business" clothes and get busy. Call the all the people involved in the adoption and tell them it's off. Start with the agency / attorney. Put it in writing and have it noterized. Make plenty of copies. Give it to their attorney, file it with the judge, agency, the family....Find an adoption attorney and charge her retainer fee to your card. YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY AND DON'T SAY YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. Get a WOMAN attorney if you can.

Pull yourself together and get to it. You cannot afford to look like you are falling apart. I don't know, but you may be able to call the police or CPS and tell them you want your child returned. If at the end of the day, nothing has happened, I would march over there and call the local news station and ask them for help. Maybe you need to call them first thing in the morning and tell them you're getting the runaround. You need something dated and signed saying you have changed your mind. Get a notebook and write down the date, time, and who you talked to and what they said. Maybe you need some kind of recording device.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.  I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult this must be.  

I don't mean for this to sound mean at all and i'm sorry in advance.  

Your parental rights have been relinquished and your son has been legally adopted by this other couple.  That means that they are his parents.  You gave him his birth, and they're giving him his life.  I know it sucks.  I cannot begin to understand, but I know enough to know that once those papers are finalized he cannot be taken away from his adoptive parents.  

What I would advise you to do is to write him a letter - even if you don't send it.  Explain to him everything about how you love him and how you wish you could be with him and how he was always wanted.  Write him letters as often as you need to.  Get help for you.  It's ok to feel sad and to grieve the loss.  Let your emotions flow.  But, keep in the back of your mind that you need to keep going for these little girls in your life.  You lost your son, but your 3 little girls are loosing their mommy.  

You're in my prayers.

Answer 6

IF it was me the only way i could fix it would be getting my son back who i brought into the world, he is ur son and the choice is urs not ur family.  Couldnt they offer any help 2 u with ur son, isnt that what family is there for to be there when u need tem and 2 hekp u. You are his biological mum, you can get him back if u wanted too, if my family told me to adopt my children their is no way i would have anything 2 do with it, what abt the opportunity of him growing up with his sisters, you had 3 other children and didnt adopt them out so why now wih ur fourth thats not very fair on ur child.

Answer 7

First thing I would do is find a your local "family service" in your area - ask them, if they are not for sure, have them guide you to some type of family advocate.  Also, go online for your state that you are in and find out what that state mandates as to the length of time the law allows in your state.  Take all your paper work that you signed into a lawyer that specifically works in adoptions.  Don't settle for over the phone consult, they will be more apt to put you off if they aren't sure, and or not take the time and effort to find the answer for you.  Was the adoption on the up and up.  Was everything done legally?  There maybe something in the adoption papers that you signed on the adoptive parents behalf that they didn't disclose or did illeagal and this could be a loop hole or some form of recourse.  Don't settle for the short answer - "there is nothing you can do".  And the simple fact that you were under durress from the death of your Mother would be reason enough to go to trial over.

Most importantly - put the child first.  Make sure that you ARE capable of meeting your son's needs.  I don't mean it's wants later in life, but needs.  A Mothers love is like no other, and the child is so young still, I don't believe that this would affect him at all.  Yes, it will be devestating on the adoptive parents, however, if they were not on the up and up - then I would be concerned with their capabilities to begin with.

Just remember - your Son is what is important, and even though this is so difficult for you - keep your Son first in all your decision making, once you have truly answered this question - then go with your decision, but I wouldn't wait any longer - the sooner the better...

Remember, that some people are so desperate to adopt a child, that they don't always do things legally.  This could very well be your ace in the hole.

I will keep you and all concerned in my prayers.

May God Bless you, give you courage, strength, and wisdom through this difficult time.

Hugs, peace and prayers...

Grace

Answer 8

Its hard on you, but think how hard it would be on the adoptive parents, but more than that, on the baby - the child has had 6mths of having to adjust to the adoptive parents, and to then be taken away from them and have to readjust again, is going to do some damage to his little heart.  There must be some way that you can get past this.  GOod luck.

Answer 9

I thought you had a year before everything was final.  There must be some way to get this before a judge since you weren't in a good state of mind at the time. Are there any women groups in your area you can go to for help? Are the lawyers you have seen specifically for adoption? I can't think of anything else, sorry. Good luck

Answer 10

Firstly I have a son who is 18 months old, and im pregnant again at 7 months. But I can feel your pain, when Im seperated for even 1 day I feel my heart start to sink. My children are my world. But on the same note I want to say is that you have 3 beautiful daughters, who I think can sense if something is wrong. Im not saying to pretend to be happy, but one thing you need to do is sort out the emotions this decision has left you in. You need to talk to someone because you sound as if you are on the verge of a mental breakdown, and if you don't talk to anyone, your daughters will be left alone, with noone. No mom, NO dad. You will lose everything. The state can take the rest of your kids, if your ex doesnt want them. Its sad, I know, but it can happen. You need to get yourself together, and also by talking to someone about this, they can advise you and reassure you if you want your son back. Than you can have everything, peace of mind and strong shoulders. I believe your family was probably looking out for you, by saying to give away your son. maybe your not in a financial situation where you can give or provide anything to your child, and they didnt want to see you struggle, but also I know if you mind is strong, whatever you decide its you, and noone else can take that decision for you. I also agree that if you were to have your son back, after being in someone elses home since day one and knowing their adopted parents as their real parents can make it feel strange because your own child will not recognize you and cry for a while, and you need to be strong enough to deal with this. There are so many angles and so many viewpoints, but at the end of the day you have to decide what is best? Let him be with his adoptive parents, keep in touch and maybe reunite one day, or take him back. But you need to know how will it be, if you do take him back. Will you be able to give everything to this child, body, mind, soul. I know after birth emotions get very out of control, but don't play by emotions alone, think in other terms aswell. I hope whatever you do, you find some help for yourself aswell so you can be strong nomatter what this life brings.