I feel like I've let my husband and boys down?

Question

My husband's been in and out of prison ever since I've known him and I feel I'm letting the boys down because I'm not strong enough to cope sometimes. I love my husband and would never dream about leaving him, it just gets to me sometimes. He got banged up for 18 months and he's getting out in 2 weeks time. All this is my fault, I should be stronger..

Answer 1

you won't like this.....

you are both letting your kids down and if I knew who you were, I'd call child services and have them put into a real family!

you both need to grow up and do some parenting!  Doesn't know how else to earn a living???  That is the dumbest excuse I've EVER heard for being in prison!  How about getting a real job?  Well, maybe not with his prison record.....and you supporting him being a convict??  you are basically telling your kids the way through life is to be a crook!

you're right.  you are letting them down.  I feel bad for the kids with a convict father and a weak willed mother....I just hope the kids are strong enough to survive this and become decent intelligent adults, although their future does look grim.

Answer 2

Did you force your husband to break the law?  I guess I'm a bit confused with how all of this is your fault.  You may very well be letting your boys down by not showing your complete and total disapproval of taking part in illegal activities.  Your husband needs to grow up and be a father and a husband, not just a convict.

Answer 3

u shouldnt b with him. if he keeps doing stupid stuff! he goes to jail again leave him! seriously!  

Answer 4

Ok, take a deep breath! I know things can be tough, but you NEED to be strong for your boy's, they can sense it. Your letting them down only because they don't want to see mom feeling this way, it's not your fault your husband is in jail, Try to be more happy around them, you will see the difference in them when you don't expose your emotions in front of them. Take a time out in your room if you feel like you cant handle it. But please, Never around your children. You are the only one they have right now and they NEED you desperately.  Just try for those little faces that look up at you everyday and the little hands that gives you a hug.

Keep your chin up sweetheart.

Answer 5

All parents feel like they let their kids down sometimes.  It is normal to feel that way.  You are doing the best you can and I'm sure that the boys know that.  I don't see how you could have possible let your husband down.  He's been in and out of prison ever since you've known him?  It sounds to me like he's the one letting you and the boys down.  Unless you committed whatever crime it is he is in prison for, then all of this is not your fault.  I really think that you could use some counseling to help you cope.  Plus, I personally think you really need to seriously consider whether you should stay with him or not.  If he's in and out of prison that isn't a very good role model for your boys.  And the fact that you say that you aren't strong enough to cope and that this is all your fault makes me suspect that at the very least your husband is emotionally abusive (if not physically abusive) to you.  Think about yourself and your boys.

Answer 6

The only fault of yours in this whole situation is that you haven't left him. I am sorry but its true. If you wanted better for you and your boys you would not allow your husband to make your life h**l to the point that it affects your boys. I think you already know that.

He may love his kids, I am sure there is no doubt about that. But that does not mean he is good for his kids or good for you. If he is a "career criminal" I definitely would not want him to influence my sons life. Kids learn by example.

You say he is not selfish, he doesnt know how else to make a living? As in how to provide for his family? If he WASN'T selfish, he wouldnt keep committing crimes and getting locked up for months or years at a time. That is his decision, he is not forced into crime, he CHOOSES it. He knows what happens when you break the law, but he STILL continues to do it because he doesn't know how to make a living any other way? That doesnt make a bit of sense... He can not help support you or your kids while he is locked up! Minimum wage is better than nothing! And that is what "living" he is making in prison, NOTHING, ZERO DOLLARS!!!

If it was me, I would have already left him, but I really hope you tell him to buck up and be a man and get a little self respect.

Things in life may influence who we are, but we decide the person we will become....

Answer 7

No offense but it sounds like your husband is the one who lacks any strength! If he did have any strength at all he wouldn't keep going back! Especially knowing what he is doing to you and your sons!

Actually, since kids most emulate their same s*x parent he is setting his sons up for the same thing no matter what you-their mother- do. I don't understand why you are still putting yourself and your sons through that?

Answer 8

Not to be a judge of the situation, but just to give an outside perspective: It sounds to me like your husband is the one letting your family down. His inability to stay out of prison is leaving you with the sole responsibility of your household and your boys.  

Answer 9

I wouldnt say you let your boys down but they shouldnt be seeing that. Because depending on how old they are they will think thats the way to be in and out of jail. Sorry to say but i think your husband is letting you down. But you cant worry about what your husband does he is a grown man and he gets himself into those situations not you. My boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years and i would say he has been to jail maybe 4 times and 1 time i had to put him there!! But you DO have to be strong for your kids no matter what! Because if you dont have nobody else you have your kids!

Answer 10

If he loves you and his children so much ..Why does he keep going to prison and committing crimes, He is not abusive but its ok for him to break the law ?

What about your kids don't they need a role model in their father stop making excuses for him this isn't your fault ITS HIS  ?

Answer 11

you do need to be stronger i dont know why he is in jail but he seems like someone i would want to keep away from my kids, i think you might be creating a situaltion where your kids idoilze his behavior

edit: i dont want to hear he cant find another way to make a living. thats bull  my husband works real hard for our family and even i recently got a job to help with some new bills. your man needs to find a JOB a real one it might be hard sence he has been in jail so much but there are so many ex cos who have jobs

Answer 12

So its your fault your husband is a criminal? How so exactly. No offence but you may love him but this guy sounds so selfish. I mean i dont know what he did but anyone whos willing to risk jail time when they have a family isnt worth your time.

EDIT:

He doesnt know how else to earn a living eh? How about get a job maybe? Wow, you need some couseling girlie.