I feel like a bad mother...

Question

I had my little girl a little young, I am 20 years old. I love her to death and if I could go back to change not convincing her, I wouldnt she is my life.

I feel like a bad mom though because i am young and I still text message on my cell, and check my computer and myspace. I am planning my 21st birthday, and I feel bad that I am still doing this stuff, i feel like I shouldnt do doing that.

I am also a little sad about taking her to the babysitters (her first day was monday) while i work, but its also nice to have a little break and i feel bad about feeling all of this i feel like i am a bad mom.

I love her so much and i wanna give her everything, but there is always a concern if I am being a good mom to her or not. Anyone have any sugguestions on how to get over this and what i could do. thanks!

Answer 1

No matter what people tell you - you can have a life AND make your children a priority.  Do you have to give up your interests because you have a child - h**l no.  I repeat - you do not have to give up your interests because you are raising children.  There are so many moms on here, that think kids come first, nothing else, not you, no one.  But if you don't put yourself first ONCE in a while, how will you be a good mom or person?

Don't feel bad about having a babysitter.  I think its good for children to have more than mom and dad in their lives taking care of them.  Your babysitter is not a stranger raising your child; once you and your child get to know them, they're not strangers anymore - despite what others say.

Am I a bad mom because I like to go out with my friends once in a blue moon, play on the computer, go shopping by myself, do my nails in peace, h**l no.

BTW, ladyscience has it all wrong.  

Who says you can't pay for a manicure?  Should I spend 24 hours a day with my child, and not take a meesly 2 hour break to get a manicure? You need to take a break, you need to regroup and re-energize yourself.  The people who don't, are robots.  So moms, don't tell me you never take a break to do something you want to do.

Answer 2

Don't worry, all new mothers feel like this, you just have to push through it! It doesn't harm your little girl that you take time for yourself and leave her with others sometimes, in fact it's good for her. If you completely gave yourself up you wouldn't be able to handle it and that would be bad for both of you, also she'd get spoiled. You sound like a good mum. :-)

Answer 3

By time I was your age I had 2 children.  A new born and a 14 month old.  Don't worry you are doing normal things for someone your age.  But the best part is that you are trying to make a good life for you and your baby.  That is the most important thing.  As long as you are not neglecting your daughter while on the computer and the other things it is ok.  Don't worry.

As to day care all mothers worry.  This is something that you will get used to.

All mothers worry if they are being a good parent.

Answer 4

Text messaging and spending time on the computer is not a reason to consider yourself a bad mother...nor is planning a birthday celebration or working....as long as your daughter is not being neglected, which I don't think is the case.  First of all, working is a necessity.  I was able to stay home with my daughters until just before the youngest started school.  I do enjoy the break and adult time and there is nothing wrong with that.  I also think it helps us appreciate our time with our kids a little more, too.  

You are still young and I don't see anything wrong with wanting to celebrate your birthday, I'm assuming with your friends.  Just don't lose sight of what is important in life and that your daughter needs you.  

From what you wrote, I don't think you are a bad mom at all.  I think we all second guess ourselves every now and then.  I know I do, even though my partying days are behind me, I still feel guilty when I get a sitter sometimes to have some grown-up time.  

It's not easy finding a balance sometimes in life, but it will come.  Your concern tells me that you love her very much.  Try not to be so hard on yourself and enjoy that baby.

Good luck :-)

Answer 5

Nothing says because you become a mother you have to change who you are?  Do things change because your a mother, sure but do you really think text messaging and myspace make you a bad mother.  I know a lot of mothers on myspace and a lot of them text message.  As far as baby sitters they are a necessity to a working mother! I am assuming you didn't just flip open the phone book and pick the first one?  Cut yourself some slack.  You get to still have a life AND your child.  

Answer 6

As long as you love your little girl, provide for her, and treat her with kindness and respect you are a good mom.  

Being a "good mom" has nothing to do with being perfect or doing everything exactly right.  It has to do with putting your daughters best interests first and doing your best.

You might want to try writing some positive affirmation statements on  note cards and hanging them in places where you can see them (like on your bathroom mirror).  

I have a note card on my bathroom mirror that reads "I am not perfect, but I am good enough."  You could try a message like this or  something simple like "You are a kind person" . . . "You are a loving mom" . . . "My best is good enough!"  

Answer 7

You are finding what many young mothers find....life changes after a baby.  No longer can you play around and create drama on myspace.  No longer are you #1.  The child comes first, and your life comes second.  No more casual dating.  No more spending money on your manicure.  Many young women are selfish (I'm not criticizing; it's the way the brain is wired in teens and young adults).

You are not necessarily a bad mother.  Every woman needs time for herself.  It's good that you recognize that there are certain things you are going to have to give up.  

Answer 8

You showing concern about it shows that you are a good mom. If you weren't a good mom you wouldn't even care.

You are working to support yourselves. That's great. And babysitters can be a great experience for kids. They can play with other kids, and they learn that Mommy always comes to get them.

Every mom needs fun time. But it's hard for us because we worry about them while we are gone. But downtime HELPS you be a better mom.

You're doing great!

Answer 9

Don't feel bad. I am almost 29 and I text message, IM and check my My Space all the time...as long as you are a good mom to her that's all that matters. However, I have been married for 8yrs (Married at 20) and I stay home with my kids and go to school full time at night. I don't get to go out and have girls nights or anything like that..I say if she is just a baby and she sleeps all through the night and you have your mom or someone you truely trust watching her..go ahead and have fun just be responsible about it :)

Answer 10

what you are feeling is normal weather you are 20 or 30. Don't feel guilty for wanting a bit of time to your self. You need it too. As long as you are home with you daughter as much as possible and caring for her every need you are doing great! Just give her lots of love and attention!

As tempted as you may be to go out with your friends and party like they are, try to refrain from it as much as possible, you do need to grow up allot faster than they do! Just try and be resposible!

If its an every once in awhile thing its not bad but try not to make it a regular occurence...

Answer 11

Just be a good mom and work hard and be home during the week so you guys can get on a schedule, don't worry you are a fine mom, having time to your self does not make you a bad mom... you have to or you will go crazy

Answer 12

Everything you are doing is very normal. I know the feeling. I just turned 21 in january and have a five month. I go have gone out with my friends 2 times since she was born and i felt bad, but really you need a break once in a while so you don't go nuts. I know its hard because you feel like you need to dedicate every minute to them and you are just by making sure who you bring her to will take care of her good while your out or at work and by wanting to be with her. Truth is you wont be able to be there for everything in her life just support her do what you feel is right. And also relax a little you are not a bad mother at all as long as you take care of her and love her.

I was sad the day i went back to work and she is all i talk about when i am working and i love the look on her face when i go pick her up. Don't worry it will just take a little time to get use to.  

Answer 13

Gosh, everyone txts these days, just don't do it while you are driving.  You obviously love her or you wouldn't be so concerned.

Make sure you get a balance and spend that one on one time with her.    You want to give her everything?  You are her everything right now, so look after yourself.  What does she need?  She needs a mum who will teach her respect- of herself and others, who will build in her  good character and integrity, a mum who will teach her that beauty is what's on the inside.  A mum who teaches her to dance like no-one is watching, sing like no-one is listening and love like she's never been hurt.  You don't need the fancy stuff to do that.    You are sad about leaving her because your heart is telling you where you'd rather be.  That's a good sign.