I feel like a deadbead godmother?

Question

A good friend of mine got pregnant when we were around 18 years old. She had a baby boy and wanted to have me be Godmother...I accepted, we were fun carefree kids, and at the time she would joke about me taking him over for her if she died, and I never would have thought it would ever happen. Well, we both moved on with our lives, I moved across the country and she went on to get married and have another son. We kept in touch loosely and then BAM it happened. She was murdered. Her older son is now 9 or so (Isn't that terrible.. I don't even know his exact age) and still has his biological dad and grandparents (her parents) who look after him.

I just feel so pathetic as a Godmother... as it is I am terrible at remembering birthdays and holidays (I forget my mother's bd even), and I have maybe seen this little guy like 3 or 4 times since his mother's death (span of 4 yrs) I don't send cards or talk to him on the phone, I occasionally talk to my late friend's mom..but maybe a couple times a year. Whenever I do see him, he's such a little tough guy that he really doesn't like hanging out with me, and tends to give me the cold shoulder (typical for a little guy who's been through what he has), and I have bought him like some little things when I have seen him.... but I don't really know his interests...or if he cares.. I just feel inadequate. I realize it's my own fault for not being there for him since the begining.. but as stated I'm not the gratest at keeping in touch or sending cards...even more so when I live far away... I just don't know what to do.

Anybody have some similar life situations or genuine constructive advice.... ?

Answer 1

There's nothing you can do about the past, but you can change the future.

Get a personal organizer or a PDA and stick his (and your moms) birthday in it.  Make it a goal to go see him more often or at least to send him little gifts more often.

Maybe try to get together some things of his mom's that you might have left over, or pictures of the two (or three) of you together.  Make a nice scrapbook out of them - complete with personal memories - and give it to him when the moment is right.

Talk to his grandmother to discover his interests if he won't talk to you himself.

Tell him always that you're available for him even if he never takes you up on it.  He may be 22 when he finally decides to open up, but it'll be worth it when he does.

Answer 2

Well I dont have any experience with that but I think if you sent him a card on his bday each year it would mean a lot to him.  Kids dont say it but when he turns into a man he will remember and he will think fondly of you.