I feel like a fool, what happened?

Question

I have been corresponding for nine months with a "friend" that I new several years ago. He deployed to Iraq in the spring and I have been supporting him with cards, letters, emails and packages.

He is very loving towards me, a few months ago I even received 3 bouquets of flowers. He has called me on the phone 4 or 5 times and I thought there was love building between us. He signs his emails and letters with "love" or "love ya", says he loves me just the way I am an never to change.

He named his uparmored vehicle in my honor and had a flag flown in my honor on the 4th of July. Stupid me I thought this was all a very big deal.

Well he has a public profile online that I saw today where a woman left him a very loving message, obviously someone very close to him.

I got in touch with her- isn't the internet great? - and chatted for a while and told her that I had been building what I thought was a very special relationship with her man. Apparentally they are making plans to get married. He talks to her everyday via webcam and calls her almost everyday, writes, blah blah blah. Confesses his true and undying love for her and everything that goes with that.

I found out that he also flew a flag in her honor as well on the 4th of July and that his gun is named after her. All the guys in his company just love her because she has made their boss so happy.

How did I not see this coming? He told me that without my support he wouldn't really have any, he hasn't had anyone make him feel special in a really long time. We even exchanged erotic email stories for about a month and not 3 weeks ago he said he was having a dream about me. What the h**l just happened to me? Did I get played or both of us, or did I misread this whole thing?

I am crushed, please be kind.

Answer 1

Yes, as sad as it is, I think he did play you. But how smart are you? :) Good for you that you saw and figured out that you were not the only lady in his life. Good thinking! That's a brave thing to do, contact the other lady and put it out in the open. I am so glad you aren't taking this lying down. I can't believe he played the "know one supports me" card to get your sympathy and trust. This guy sounds like a real winner (NOT!!). Be grateful that you didn't invest any more in him. Thank the heavens you weren't stupid enough to get any more serious with him. Let your wounds heal and when the time is right you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. This guy blew it big time. It may take time but I promise things will get better. Smile, cheer up, you were smart enough to realize this guy wasn't worth the time!  

Answer 2

Yep, you were played and the fault is not yours.  I think I'd write two letters [snail mail]:

#1  Write a very, very simple & succinct good-bye letter thanking him for teaching you a very valuable lesson...NOT to ever put "erotic" stories on line, or in black and white & NOT to take every guy at their word.  Wish him health and happiness with his new love.

#2  Write an emotional and hateful and revengeful letter to him...cite every hurt feeling you've experienced--every hateful thought you have had about him and the relationship and your thoughts of self doubt.

MAIL letter #1...remembering to put it up for 24 hours and reread it prior to mailing and to return unpened every reply you receive.  AND block his emails.

TAKE letter #2 to the backyard and burn the letter completely...allowing the hurt and feelings of "being taken by the bum" float away with the smoke.

NOW take this experience as just what it was...you are a young woman who has the ability to love a man & to support him...what a wonderful trait you have.

Answer 3

Don't feel like a fool.  He played a very good character, and it's natural that you believed in him.  You'll feel sad, but only because the guy you cared about doesn't really exist at all.  If this other woman stays with him after hearing from you, she's a fool.

Forget about revenge, it's juvenile.  And don't drag this bad experience into your next relationship.  It's not fair to the next decent man you meet.  Trust until given a reason not to... not the other way around.  

Take a deep breath, and start fresh.

Answer 4

Go out and celebrate that you are not the one he is going to marry.  You dodged a bullet. Congratulations!

Answer 5

Per your writings, sadly, yes.  He played you.  How many others were played as well?  Now do these simple yet REALLY difficult things:

Rewind the tape recorder in your head and review it time and time again

Learn that absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder

Understand that it was HIM and not you

Shut off that tape recorder and throw it away

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off

Go out and celebrate that you are free of this piece of c**p.

Answer 6

you got played, blow him off, and send him pictures of you having fun with some other guy. try to make it seam that you played him......

Answer 7

I am sorry, that you had to experience such a blow. I love what the Doc said. This is not a reflection of you. You are not a fool. You took a man at his word and many of his actions would led anyone to believe that they were his choice as a mate. My prayer for you is that you heal from this,gain some wisdom from this experience and don't allow yourself to become bitter. Not every man is like this. Not every soldier is  like this.

He was and is a selfish jerk and I am glad you came across his profile/page so you wouldn't give anymore of yourself than you already have.

Let your heart heal. It will take a little time cry when you need to. Be angry for a little while and then realize that you are too beautiful, too wonderful, too honest, too loyal to be with some one that would use you and the other woman as he has.

Loving some one and trusting another is as always a risk but it is never wrong. It is never wrong to give of yourself freely. That is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and another. You did nothing wrong. You can't always see and know it all.

Be a butterfly go into your cocoon and heal and come out stronger and more beautiful than you are already. Don't give up on love on you. You deserve the best and he sucks..

Answer 8

Sorry to say that yes, he played you and is probably still playing the other lady too!!  Just be glad that you found out now and can move on with your life!!  Best of luck!

Answer 9

He's a jerk.. Go out and spend time with your family and friends that really care and love you and forget about this guy. Don't show weakness towards him either.. You'll find someone better.

Answer 10

He sounds like he is a player......makes me wonder how many other girls he "loves".  Just be happy you found out now I guess because if he is like that you really don't want to be with him.....no matter how hard that seems.........you never know if he would/is cheating on you.  I'm sorry he turned out to be such a jerk!