I feel like a prisoner like ill never get out of this situation what will i do ?

Question

Until i leave how am i supposed to handle peoples aloofness, unfriendlyness & general coldness ?

ive had a horrendous life so far, suffered so much, bullying and victimisation, had many rage and aggression problems that ive made great improvements with.

have a long psychiatric record, im now 30, i also have a minor criminal record.

i live in a 1 bedroom apartment on disability, im waiting to see if ill get group therapy.

i have an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments which i was told will take time to heal..

a dermatological problem on my p***s , cracked skin.

ive missed out on ever being employed , never formed any relationships , never gained any qualifications - i missed out on all of that stuff.

i have alot of catching up to do and im at many disadvantages.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd, i get very paranoid, insecure , struggle with rage and aggression......can disocociate when i go out....like zoning out........suffer severe anxiety.

my psychiatrist told me that meds wont help but the best way to go is some sort of therapy, so i went for the assesment for group therapy.

my goals are that i plan to leave england for good, with a good paying computer job......i imagine it will be a big thing to reach for in my circumstances.......but im not letting go of that ambition

my top goal no matter what is to leave the uk, finnish up somewhere quiet and coastal.

meanwhile in the present, and for a while people, the public, act very aloof towards me......i noticed im watched by store workers......security guards......people exchange ' knowing ' glances whenever i enter the environment.

i get abrupt tones from people, unfriendly vibes....intrusive glances and stares......aloof ness........a rejecting society........almost as im being treated as some outcast.

this has been happening for a long time now but ive tried to ignore it, but its not going away.

btw i struggle to form any relationships with people in general because i have severe low self esteem......get intimate to soon....get clingy...act all insecure and desperate.....like eager.

so its not easy to connect with people in general.

im not sure if people remember me from my rage outburst of the past, or im not liked on a personal level........or theres a conspiracy against me.

but im working on my problems....im aware of my issues....ive made progress without any therapy.......i control my conduct pretty well now........what more can i do ?

what am i supposed to do ?

i have so much rage problems because i was severely bullied throughout my life over a long period of time.

i dont know what else i can do..

its going to take along time before i can leave england sadly, so im very much stuck here for now.

how can i deal with this behaviour and a society that seems to be alienating me ?

also how would you handle this situation ?

would you get aggressive with people ?

would it make you feel angry ?

Answer 1

I know this will make me sound like a hypocrite, but maybe you should put yourself in more social situations? Therapy would be a good thing too. Just keep trying your best and have hope. It's really great that you're making plans to improve yourself, it shows you're trying and you really want it. Just keep trying. :D

Answer 2

First of all i know people are going to post here saying that your just paranoid, but people do tend to look down upon people with mental illness and disability, "Just because your paranoid doesnt mean they arent talking about you" something liek that, a quote from Charles Manson.

Yes it would get me angry, but more depressed than anything im sorry your going thorugh this. i have paranoia too and people dont like me because of my mental illness.

I wish you well with that computer job, but man you've been here 30 years already dont give up now! also you seem to be pin pointing the bad things in life, why not the good things? like you have a computer, your still alive, you going to have a high paying job, and your going to travel! you should try hawaii, very coastal and nice, or south texas corpus christi, texas, where i live.

just dont give up and try to have a better outlook on life. good luck  

Answer 3

wow ok um............that bord me so I'm just gonna say that u have a ****** up life but if u just keep doing good then ull survive uve come this far.

............... about the p***s.............i really dont need to know and thats just gross

go see a doctor  

Answer 4

i feel ur painbeib  trapped at home dodging bil colectors tryin to care for my ill mom but she will get beter next month dr says and i will get a new job probly after bankruptcy the sun will also shine for u  my friend