I feel like giving up, and I just need someone to listen...

Question

I'm 16 and I have bipolar disorder, OCD and a dissociative disorder. These were all triggered by an assault by my father in january which brought back memories of child abuse when I was a kid... and now I can't stop remembering. Every morning I wake up at around 2 or 3AM and start doing my rituals. The OCD has taken over my life, it's always there. It's like a really bad case of hiccups... you try to ignore it but it takes over your whole body and you can't control it.

And then if that's not bad enough, I also have episodes of mania and depression due to my Bipolar Disorder. I've just come out of a manic episode now, and realised I spent 8 months of savings on children's toy and clothes that I don't need (I even bought the same jumper in 6 different colours).

It wouldn't be so bad if I had support at home, but my mum's dealing with her own depression ever since she got divorced 4 years ago and she's constantly taking her emotions out on me and my two younger brothers. She hits us, calls us names and makes demands.

I can't talk to any of my friends about what's happening because when I tried to talk to my closest friends about it they all claimed I was ''just trying to get attention'' and even suggested I was lying about my OCD. I've gotten so good at hiding the rituals, that they hadn't noticed them.

In addition to all of this, I think I may have an eating disorder... I'm constantly obsessing about my weight and the food I eat and I limit the amount of calories. It's a bad idea as my psychiatrist says I'm already underweaight enough to be considered anorexic, but I can't stop. It's like another one of my OCD rituals... I HAVE to get the perfect body.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, I just feel like I don't know what else to do. I can't cope anymore. I've started cutting again, and even ended up in A&E once for cutting too deep. I just need someone to listen, but every time I try to tell anyone, they don't seem to care. I only see my psychiatrist once a month, so I spend 30 days trying to keep myself going until the next appointment.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'd really appreciate some advice... thanks for reading and answering. x

Answer 1

*hugs*

Ask at your school to speak to a counsellor, if your school doesn't have one then ask for help or a referral to one in your area.

You could also look in the phone book for a kids help line or life line or victims of assault phone line counselling.

I hope you find some help, you really need to speak to someone now so your life isn't wasted away with all your suffering.

wishing lots of love your way....

Answer 2

Okay im not very good at answering questions since im just 13 but i really want to try and help.

My mum has OCD too and she has to do rituals before eating and she used to be really bad, recently she started cutting but she has now been prescribed medicines so they are starting to do the trick.

With OCD people have explained to me that its not the person doing it, its the brain, so i understand why you feel you have no control. Try to go against what your mind is telling you to do though, when you wake up to do one of your rituals just think "no im not going to do this" and read a book or listen to some music, it may be not very good advice but its all i can come up with.

Not eating is really bad, you can still have a gorgeous body but still be eating the right amounts of food, just begin a healthy balanced diet and tell yourself that having the perfect body, doesnt mean you have to look like a skeleton.

Self harming is not the answer, i have been through it too and lost friends over it, i know it feels like your releasing anger and taking out your emotions on yourself makes you feel better but theres other ways to do that, such as painting, it sounds silly but its relaxing and calms you down, you can also just listen to some music, watch some television, anything to cheer you up and take your mind off the stress until you feel able to cope with it.

Hopefully you will carry on seeing your psychiatrist until you feel completly better again.

i wish you the best of luck with getting better and sorting everything out.

emma xx

Answer 3

Get away for a bit.

Sometimes you need to just completely get away from where you live. Especially if its linked with troubling memories.

You need some space to put things into perspective and to calm yourself.

Answer 4

Hey there,

I  feel so sorry for you. I cant lie and say I know what you have been through because although I have OCD/anxiety and clinical depression, I have been lucky enough to have a supportive family and that has been whats geting me through all this. one things for sure though, you are not alone with all this and there are peope out there who care, me for one.

do you KNOW for sure that you are bipolar and have dissacociative disorder? I only say that because sometimes people are either misdiagnosed or not diagnosed atall and this can result in getting all the wrong treatment and medication. Assuming that you have been officially diagnosed as bipolar It doesnt seem right to me that you only have one psychiatry session once a month. dont take this in a patronising way but you need alot more support than that, particularly for someone so young. If  you have not been officially diagnosed then that has to be step one. that way you know what your up against and can start moving forward.

I totally understand what your saying about your friends saying you are attention seeking, actually there are symptoms of ADHD and OCD which overlap and its all to easy for these people who havent got a clue what its like to live like this day in day out, to just pass it off as nothing.  my advice is to not even try speaking to people who do not have direct experience of these probs because we are the only ones qualified to help and advise you, unless you've had it you will never understand.

on the eating thing, I can only have a guess, and my guess is this is all linked to your underlying anxiety disorder (OCD). It may be worth you seeing your GP and getting some specific help with this to help change your mental attitude towards food and your low opinion of yourself and your body.

I hope I have helped you a bit, I dont think theres an easy answer but I dont think you are getting the help you deserve, you are being fobbed off by the medical profession who thinks that because you are young they can give the the least amount of help possible and you wont notice. you need to go to your GP, stand up for yourself and DEMAND extra help and to be taken seriously. you got your whole life ahead of you and theres nothing stopping you being whoever you want to be in the future. I know you had some real unfortunate stuff happen to you in the past, I really feel for you but dont let it become your future. you deserve to be well and living life to the full.

look after yourself, I am thinking of you and see your doc this week

Danny (aged 30)

Answer 5

If you want to simply talk, just to 'get it off your chest' as they say, in the UK we have a helpline charity called The Samaritans.  It's a totally free number and is manned by people who are so kind and understanding, they'll just listen to you if that's what you need.  I'm hoping you have something similar to this where you are (U.S?).  If you have it's worth giving them a call. I've attached a link with some numbers which may work for you.

If you don't please get in touch with a school teacher who you get on well with. Speak a little about things with them and they'll be able to put you in touch with a Counsellor .

Failing that, visit your doctor and speak to them - they'll be able to put you in touch with a doctor or maybe even groups of people in a similar situation. Sometimes finding others who are going through the same - and have come out at the other end - gives you the boost to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  

Answer 6

truth is...i really don't know how to help u...

i don't have any experience dealing with these kind of problems....

but the person that can help u is...well u....

there are plenty of people in the world who will listen to u....if ur friends won't then...they aren't very good friends..point that out to them...friends wouldn't just brush someone off like that....

if they sitll won't listen to them...u can always talk to ur school consuler or others that will be willing to listen to help..like a teacher for instance....

talking helps out alot...talk about everything...let it all out....

and the eating disorders....i think u mite wanna get that checked by a doctor or something... cause that can turn into a serious problem...

and the cutting...just let out all ur stress in some other way that doens't involve inflcitng pain...

thats all i can say...hope i helped...

Answer 7

sounds like you need a real support system, maybe even a vacation from your family. If you are manic depressive, and suffer from bi-polar disorder it may have been passed down from your mother. If she really is abusive, whether it be verbal or physical...she is not making your situation any better. You need meds, not because you are crazy, but because it will help stabalize your seratonin levels. Talk to a social worker if your home really is too unstable...you are suffering from abuse, and you are underage. One psychiatric meeting a month is not enough, its only enough for her to give you prescriptions. Just like a child with lung problems, if you go continue to go untreated it is CHILD ABUSE. You are obviously smart enough to know that you have a problem, and you are asking for help. So stop blaming yourself, start blaming the people who are ignoring you and not seeking help. I even suggest smoking pot, it will help with your rituals (makes you too lazy to repeat them) and it will help the manic depression..

Answer 8

some habits you can break on your own, give it a try.

however, i think you need to go and talk to your G.P right now chick. and keep talking to your psychiatrist too, but try to have appointments per month.  it it helps, try writing it all down like you are talking to someone, it will help to get it all out.

also, have a look on healthydirect.co.uk for some natural remedies for depression and stress etc.

good luck chick, be brave, you will get through this x

Answer 9

try to make friends online so you can chat and let out your emotions once in a while. dont expect your real life friends to understand - very few people can.

stick to your medication and listen to your therapist. she knows whats best for you.

i know its very difficult but just keep at it, i'm sure things will be better once you are on your own financially. then you wont have to bear your parents behaviour.

i'm sure its very hard on you and your brothers but you have to be strong for them.

i would suggest that you all join some extra-curricular activities to keep you out of the house more. the less in contact you come with these people the better it'll be for all you kids. at the same time, MAKE SURE you dont fall in trouble.

at the same time realise that your mother is sick and cant control herself.

God bless.

Answer 10

You have had a rough time but you can turn it around, try writing down how you would like your life to be, write down the good things and the bad things , WORK at changing the bad things into good things, as you do this you will not only enjoy helping yourself feel better but will draw strengh from it to deal with life in a better way and put a more positive outlook in front of you. There are alot of people with bipolar and living a happy life. DONT GIVE UP you can have that life to you know. Goodluck.

Answer 11

I am sorry to hear this!

The first thing I really want to address is that, if your mom is hitting and yelling at you and your sibblings for no reason, you need to call up a child care service and get you and ur sibblings into a foster home, people who actually care about you and your problems.

Second is that ocd CAN go away. YOU MUST GET SELF CONTROL! you cant just buy buy buy and make everything perfect cause it wont be perfect, nothing is perfect only GOD is perfect! please please PLEASE EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can not stress that enough, being pale and stick thin is not healthy for anyone! you should definantly go see a doctor about what you should do to get healthy again and at a good weight. if you want to look good lift some weights and do lots of cardio! and crunches to get those CLOSE to perfect abs !! lol

now moving on to your "episodes". You need to seek a profesianal for your disorders. There are some pills that you can take to help prevent some things from happening.

U SHOULD NEVER CUT YOURSELF!!!! it can lead to even more dangerous things like disease and suicide. just thinking about it give me the creeepppppss!! i wouldnt EVER think about doing that to myself!! its just making u even more depressed and hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... JUST QUIT THAT RIGHT NOW I KNOW YOU CAN!!!! AGAIN its called SELF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Lots of these problems happen because you dont have confidence in yourself and no self control and YOUR MIND~ you let lots of things get to your head! you need to think positive and if you have to or need to, sit down with your mom and tell her to her face what she is doing to you and ur sibblings. She should hopefully see what she is doing wrong and stop her behavior, im sure her yelling and u and c**p like that is making u mad and is fueling all these bad things.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!!! DO NOT cut ur self anymore!! and dont think no one cares about your problems. people do care and if your friends dont care, then they arent your friends and you need to get new ones. im sure i would be a great friend to you cause i like listening to everyones problems and help them out.

BUt anyway...

PRAYYYYYYYY TO THE LORD!!!!! Pray to God and ask him to help you out. he will definatly help you even if you arent a christian, he can help you become a christian. Go to Church! the will help you get to know what God can do for you! God helps me thru a lot of things, and makes me feel better when im down, scared, nervous or wahtever im feeling.

Answer 12

I don't want to give you advice, simply because I am not a trained counselor or Psych Doc.  However, I too have been through the abuse side of your problem with my father.  Mine started when I was 5, and continued until I was 16.  I was pregnant at just 15, and was sent away to a convent to have the baby.  I can't even find her because my dad was so powerful in those days, that he had my name changed, and I had a new ss number, and everything.  They only kept paper records back then, and conveniently, the convent burned down 25 years ago. So I will never know her.

So if you want someone just to talk to.....you can e-mail me.

Momma P  

Answer 13

Please please go and see your doctor and explain what is happening in your life.

You say you have a psychiatrist...WHY are they not helping you??And why are they not realising that once a month is not enough?Are you being honest with them about how you really feel?You must!

You need to seek help and it is out there.

Your GP will be able to put you in touch with organisations who can definately help and you do need help.

Answer 14

Friends hu've never been thru depression before tend to think sometmes that you've changed or whatever. Execpt how youre really feeling deep down is way out of teir control becoz depression is a mental illness you can't do anything about it. Well except for excercise, and try to be normal fromtime to time when you have the hope or energy left in you. Wow you really sound like you know whats going on with you. Thats great but to make yourself cope better, go and see your doctor, tell him./her whats wrong with you etc, and mayb shell refer you to a phsychiatrist/ put you on some more effective medication. Good luck. Also you don't have to be on your own. What about torking to mum or sumtjhing?

Answer 15

don't give up on life because there will always be someone to help you...I'm sure your closet friends were maybe just shocked by what you were feeling... maybe you should explain the full extent of your situation to them..?

is there a teacher you can confide in?? Just please don't keep it bottled up anymore!

good luck!

DON'T GIVE UP!!!

THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO LIVE!!

=]

XX

Answer 16

Is there anyway you can get more time with your psychiatrist??

Lets see.. Well, your friends don't seem like real friends.

Are there any support groups or something around your area?

I would write more, but it took me awhile to read your message as it is. :(

Answer 17

i don't know what to say to you really, but one bit of advice i do have is.. don't listen or pay attention to what anyone on yahoo tells you honey.. you need professional help and none of us are professionals on here. speak to your doc regularly and maybe see if you can get a community psychiatric nurse to come out and visit you every other day. good luck and take care

Answer 18

I suffered like this when I was your age it's down to hormones.

Try and switch off from depression & think positive.

I know it's not easy but life does get better so try and find an interest keep your mind busy hope this helps :)  

Answer 19

I too get depressed just like everyone else

its normal to get depressed  maybe not to the extent u are

you might be taking it to seriously

relax find something you enjoy doing and dive into it

every morning i wake up with the thought of How much fun can i get out of today

try arts and crafts playing cards or watching movies

join a club

they got many support clubs for depresstion

hope u have a better day