I feel like my family is falling apart?

Question

I'm 17 and I live with my mum, dad and little brother (12).

It sounds horrible but we are better off when my dad is at work.

He is bad tempered, aggressive and upsets us all.

I'm at college and my mum is off at the moment with my dad and brother and when she picks me up she will tell me how she has been out of the house to avoid my dad because he has been funny. Apparently she got up and was making toast and my dad just walked out and went somewhere without saying bye.

ALso we just went to the cinemas now, it was ok until when we got out. My dad had put the heating onto the highest temperature and my brother asked him to turn it down and he was awkward and turned it to the freezing setting. Then we got in and my dad kicked his cup of tea over. While he was wiping it my brother went to get up and kicked the bowl of water over. My dad got really mad and told him to get up and sort it out in a really aggressive tone and cussed and threw the cloth hard aiming it at him. He walked out the room and when he came back he was being aggressive and I said why are you always horrible, he sais he was being like how I usually am and I said how am I horrible? What have I done thats so horrible today and he didnt reply with an answer and so I said everyone hates you you're nasty all the time mum tells me what you're like (and now my mums mad at me for saying that) and you make me and Jack cry all the time. He just started swearing at me saying things like well im not fxcking staying and I said fine and I think hes gone to bed now.

Answer 1

It sounds like there's something more going on with your dad. He is being defensive and aggressive, which generally indicates someone is feeling guilty over something. Your mother needs to stand up for you guys and herself and tell him to start counseling with all of you or too leave until he has sorted out the root of his aggression. Good luck to you and make sure to check on your little brother, as it doesn't sound like anyone else is.  

Answer 2

Was he always like this?  If not it sounds like something might be really stressing him out.  Might be worth trying to approach him diplomatically and in a comforting manner at a time when he's in a good mood just to see if there's anything bothering him?

Answer 3

Hey there. I know what you mean. I was happy when my Father went to work also. He was an abusive drunk, verbally and physically abuse me. I hated it. I don't hate him. He was just mean to me and made me felt like I was a low person. My dad is now in prison for his anger. Your father did not have to pour out the cup of tea and neither did your brother.  My mother is mean to me also. My my and her brothers don't get along. I know how you feel. I don't get along with half of my family because when I was little they didn't want to be a part of my life(My dad's side)...Email me if you want to talk.

Answer 4

It sounds like your dad may have depression . I was the same to my family unfortunately , mood swings & angry outbursts etc , and if he is depressed he can`t help it he needs to see a doctor but maybe your mum should be having this conversation with your dad .

Good Luck Sweetheart x

Answer 5

YOur Mum shouldn't use you as a sounding board for her relationship troubles...obviously you know somethings wrong but she should not tell you tales....what you need to do is accept that it is not your fault or your relationship...it is making your life hard though...your Mother needs to make a choice...in the meantime just leave the room if he is mean..don't argue with him...it is not going to help. Tell your Mum that you don't want to hear what your Dad has done and said as nothing is changing for the better and you dont like everyone unhappy. MAybe he has money worries...it is very common and there's a resssion on.

Answer 6

Next time he gets angry, ask him if he's depressed and see what he says and how he says it because he sounds absolutely cheesed off.

Don't go tattling on other members of the family, you have to pull together.

I hope the situation at home improves one way or another for you and your brother, you shouldn't feel responsible for your parents well-being.

Answer 7

hiya i no what ur going thro thats what it i like here if u want to chat about things msg me x

Answer 8

Maybe your dad has something on his mind he is trying to deal with/cover up.

It could be stress from work, financial difficulties, something changing in his private life (eg. he may have cheated on your Mum - sorry to say it but he could be taking his guilt out on the family)

He may have an illness he either;

1. is trying to hide and feels by lashing out it stops you all from being close to him

or 2. doesn't know about/doesn't want to face - for example, people with Bi-Polar often go from one mood to another within the click of a finger.

Does your Dad drink alot of alcohol at all? That could explain alot!

Has he always been this way? If he has, it is probably just the way he is in which case, councelling would be the best idea as it would help to deal with whatever makes him like it.

He may need anger management classes if he has anger issues, which again could be because of something that happened a long time ago.

If it is a more recent thing, try talking to him or if you cant do that/dont feel comfortable, write him a letter. Explain how he makes you feel; that he scares you and upsets you. Tell him you want the old Dad back, the one that was loving and looked after the family. Let him know that you love him as he's your father and you are worried about him. Explain the family will be there for him, but only if he opens up and gets the help he needs.

About your mum - ask her not to tell you these things. Tell her its bad enough going through what you do, let alone knowing what she goes through. Encourage her to talk to your dad, calmly!, so that any issues can be resolved.

Look out for your brother, make sure hes ok.

Finally, its not your responsibility to hold your family together. Whatever happens, will happen whatever you do. Don't blame yourself, and don't let your brother blame himself either! Learn from this experience so that when you have your own family, your children wont go through the things you have.

I wish you the best of luck, Im sure everything will be ok :) x

Answer 9

I feel bad to even say it, but it may be a mental illness. Your family seems to be having some problems, so maybe if you all went to see a counselor it would do some good.