I feel like such a horrible mommy, I don't want my baby I'm 26 weeks...?

Question

Will this change when I meet her? I just never wanted kids and I've hated being pregnant and the father we have been together for a long time and he wanted kids now is a jerk and lost his job and I dont' think he wants to have a child either. Will we feel diferently after meeting our precious child? I hope so I love her already but I can't see myslef as a mom. I'm horrible. I feel horrilbe. Is this normal in anyway?

Answer 1

Yes, it's normal to feel like this.  It's probably not common, but it's one of those things that we don't talk about much because it isn't "nice."  It's got to be somewhat common--how many times do you hear about someone who plans to receive an adopted baby but the birth mother changes her mind?  I hear it all the time.  

You may or may not change your mind.  It's OK to give your baby up for adoption if that's what you want.  Only you can decide what's best for you.

Whan you start saying things like "I'm horrible" then you would probably benefit from some time with a counselor.  Find a psychologist, social worker or clergy near you and get some help with your decision.  It's hard to ask for help, but it's out there and we all have seasons of need.  This is your season, girlfriend, so don't be afraid to find help with this pregnancy.  Talk to someone soon, OK?

You'll get through it.

Answer 2

i am sure that when you have your baby you will have a change of heart, you are dealing with mixed emotions at the moment as your partner has lost his job and that you are having a baby that you didn't want,also your hormones are all over the place, have you got a mother you can talk to, i hope so, good luck.

Answer 3

Well, my mom had me when she was only 23, and neither she or my dad had a job. But they took care of me, and now we own a huge house in a nice neighborhood. And I have 2 other sisters.

So, I think even though you aren't in a good situation right now, you will make it if you just go to college and get a good job. And, my mom says that the first time she saw me, she had never felt the same before and she had never loved anyone as much. Hope this helps.

xoxo

Answer 4

If you did not want a baby then you shouldn't have had one in the first place. However, what is done is done and you should consider yourself blessed, there are a lot of people out there who want babies but are not capable of getting any.

I would like to assume that you are married but since you said the babies father (and not 'my husband') I am not so sure. In all cases you should both try to see this as a new step in your relationship, one that you both can go through together. Having a baby is amazing and you both will only truly appreciate it when it comes out -- and if you don't start hating it from the very beginning as you are doing now.

Finally, if you think that you cannot see yourself as a mom then you might want to start taking a course or reading up on how to be a good mommy, look at it as a challenge that you can overcome and do not look at it in a negative way. The baby did not do anything to you, do not hate it, it will probably be the best thing in your life.  

Answer 5

congratulations on your baby. remember your child is a blessing.

with that said, it is understandable that you stressed and confused... this is afterall, a life changing event. it sounds as though, alot of things happened in short amount of time ie the father's unemployment. once he finds a job some of the pressures of having a baby may subside.

regardless, most mothers feel differently once they hold their bundle of joy. but alas, you're not a horrible mother. you're just a first time mom---it'll get easier.

Answer 6

Sit down and talk with the father of this child. Make a plan for your childs future, whether it be you taking care of the child or you are adopting the child out.

Now is the time to get yourself in a good situation to deal with the life of your child...not when you are sleep deprived and feel miserable.

Get your life straight and make sure your partner is in agreement with you.

You are not a horrible mother or monster or anything else. You got pregnant when you werent ready.

Answer 7

I'm pretty sure you will change your mind once you see the baby.  Chances are, you are suffering from some hormonal changes.  Be careful after you deliver because you might suffer from postpartum depression.  

If you don't think things will work out with the father, chances are they won't.  My guess is that the stress from the father is making you think you won't love your baby, but that's not true.  

Answer 8

Most women (if they were honest with themselves) would tell you that while they were pregnant they vacillated between being happy about having a baby and wishing they weren't.  It is partly hormones and the stress of change.  Don't worry, most women fall in love with being a mother within a couple of weeks of the delivery.

Answer 9

Don't listen to people that call you crazy or horrible, they don't know your story or what you're going through! I would have to say that for myself I think I had a couple of anxiety attacks before my son was born but he's 2 months now and I love him SO much, i don't know what I'd do without him now. But seriously, if you really don't think that you can raise this baby please please do what's best for your child and give this precious little baby a good loving family. Research adoption, what could it hurt? That way you have options if you feel like you can't handle a baby.

Answer 10

To all the mean spirited, insensitive Y/A users, find somewhere else to leave your inappropriate, hateful answers.

To Lovely Lady 27 . . .

You are not horrible.  Some moms in your situation have considered adoption because they love their children and want to give them a life they don't think they can provide for them.  An adoption counselor at a reputable adoption agency will talk to you about your feelings and help you make the best decision for you and for the baby.

Answer 11

I think this is normal for some people.  You are scared- and that is all- especially if the father is acting like a jerk and lost his job.  He needs to get a job and I bet when he does he will change his attitude.  Things will be fine.  Just prepare as much as possible for the baby and know that you only have to be pregnant for 9 months.  Not long if you think about it!

Answer 12

i'm sure things will change for you. unless you have this negative outlook on your pregnancy, it might not change. this is a life changing event you are going through. its only the beginning. no one can make you feel a certain way, this is your body. you still have options...

but once you hear your baby's first cry, i'm sure it will all be good...

Answer 13

when you first see your baby you will fall in love just to know that you made something so beautiful, or if you still dont want to keep it you should put it up for adoption there are plenty of loving familys that have problems getting pregnant that want a little baby so bad but in the end when you see your child there is nothing more beautiful.

Answer 14

Sounds to me like you may be suffereing from depression.  Have you spoken to your doctor about this? You should talk to the father about how you feel, especially if you think he may feel the same way.

You already love your baby, and yes you may feel differently after holding him or her, but you cant force yourself to be a mom if you feel you shouldnt be one.

There are many people out there who are waiting to adopt, that is always an option you can look into if you still feel the same way later in the pregnancy. That may be the most loving thing you could do for her.  You are not a horible person, and you cant help the way you feel, at least you acknowledge it, instead of hiding it and resenting your child.

When i was pregnant with my first child my doctor thought i would suffer from ppd, i was extremely paranoid, thinking bad things would happen to my baby or my husband. I ended up with ppd after he was born, for about 2 years. It was well controlled with medication. Maybe this is something that is happening with you also.

Good luck to you, take good care of yourself and seek help.  you need someone to talk to, maybe ask your doctor for a referal to a counsellor.

Answer 15

A lot of people go through this period of apprehension. I did when I was pregnant with my first child. I felt horrible for thinking it as well. EVERYTHING changed when he was born though. All those feelings went away and I was happy.  I never wanted kids before that either.  The father will likely feel the same once baby's born. All your mother instincts will just kick right in. Good luck and take care of yourself and your baby girl.

Answer 16

i think it will change. i think it just your whole situation you are going threw, that makes you think that. with my first i was 19 and was scared of being a mother because my mom was horrible, so i thought i was going to be just like her. but when i had him it was amazing. i just had my daughter 2 months ago, and that was even greater. but when i got pregnant with i was horrified. i hated being pregnant and sometimes wanted it to end.... i was very depressed. my son is 3 and all i wanted was him no more kids, my hubby either. but the moment she was born there was that instant mother-daughter bond. it is soooooo great, more so with her than my son. my hubby has a stronger bond with him.

i think you are just going threw a life depression and being pregnant is making it 100 times worse. life sucks, but once you have your little one  it will be amazing for you both. i still have life depression but my kids were well worth it. some people just dont understand, especially when the pregnancy could be tearing you two apart. but when the baby comes it will make your relationship stronger.

but also if you truly think you dont want this baby, then you would know. not guess.....

Answer 17

listen. You are a good person to want your baby not to have to deal with the fact that his/her father lost his job and is a jerk. Do you have a sibling willing to care for your child until you are stable. Or even your parents. Anyone you trust???????????????????????????????????...

Don't abort your baby. You might feel different the very first time that you hold your child. God is testing you. You got to pass.

Answer 18

Two of my friends felt this way when they were pregnant. But once they met their babies, it all changed. Just give it time. If you've ever been diagnosed with depression, make sure to tell your doctor, because you're at higher risk of postpartum depression, and especially if you feel the way you do now.

Answer 19

I think almost every women goes through a time in there pregnancy where they think they can't do it or maybe they made the wrong choice. Don't feel bad about it. You already said that you love your child already and that's enough to make you a great mom.

If you both truly don't want children don't feel bad about adoption instead. There are lots of families out there waiting for a baby. Just make sure to fix the issue for good after you give birth.

Answer 20

um, that was really deep. but please

dont abuse or hurt the baby, because

thats the last thing you want. if you dont

feel as if you are in the state to care for

this child, then i assume thats its best

to either call social services, or have your

parents help you out. just dont harm the child.

Answer 21

I would suggest seeking free or low-cost counseling so that you can talk about your feelings with a neutral person. Just talking might help you work through your negative emotions so that you can start feeling good about your pregnancy and the baby.

Otherwise, you might look into the possibility of adoption. It's one of the most honorable, selfless acts of love a person can commit.  

Answer 22

If you got pregnant for someone else, I am not surprised that you don't want the baby.  In essence, you never did.  You might also be developing depression, which is common in pregnancy.  It is too late for an abortion.  You might seriously consider adoption.  

Answer 23

This will change  as time goes on you will love that baby when it kicks and moves around. When it comes you will love and protect it even more.  If you still don't feel anything for the child then give it up so he/she can get the love from 2 parents.

Answer 24

Why did you get pregnant if you didn't want a kid? It's possible that you may feel differently once you have your baby. Pregnancy is a very hard time in many different ways and the fact that you don't even want a kid...well, no big mystery there. It is of course, possible that you may not feel differently once the baby is born. You are in a tough spot for sure. I guess there isn't much you can do but wait and see.

Answer 25

I think what you're feeling is ok. Maybe just anxiety related and you are a little scared about becoming a mom and the responsibility that comes with it. It's also maybe that you are in some way resenting this baby because you're not ready for him/her to come into the world.

I think when you meet your baby for the first time you will feel differently. You will be overcome with love for the child. It's amazing how women change so much after becoming mothers.  

Answer 26

YES YES and YES. I have having doubts when I got pregnant. (I am only 20 and the father left me when I was 7 months pregnant) The thought of the cost, and can I really do this makes you think twice. The happiest moment in my life was when they placed my little girl on my bare skin to keep her warm after she was born. The best feeling in the world, and you will love and cherish that baby for the rest of your life. Dont feel horrible about this either, many women go through this, and it is normal. You feeling about about this, shows how much you care for this child and she isnt even born yet. Just relax the moment you hear her cry, and hold her, you will know, you were born the be a mom. Congrats!!!

Answer 27

this will totaly change once she is born

even if you and ure boyfriend break up

or if he dosent want her you have to

you are her mother immagine your

life without your mother and if your mom

wasnt in the picture immageing how it

would have been if you had one

being a mom is the hardest most satisfying job out there

if you feel you cant care for your child give her up for adoption to a fammily that wants a baby so greatly

Answer 28

A bad mother would be indifferent to the fact that she is pregnant, have no regard for her unborn child and altogether care less that she was bringing life in to this world. You may well look at your newborn and instantly fall in love. For other mothers it does take a couple of months.

If you have decided that you are going to keep this child then make it a priority to bond with her...give her skin to skin contact, breast feed if possible, attend to her needs.

If in the end you do decide that you are not capable of caring for her, then it truly is an act of love to place a child up for adoption and offer her the kind of home that you can not provide.

I wish you the best of luck.  

Answer 29

Lovely lady,

You are experiencing a lot of hormone changes!

Sometimes this can make a person have all kinds of feelings!

Your not horrible!

We all at times in our life question our choices!

Being a "Mom" is scary!

But the Bible says: "Children are a gift from God"

When you do have your daughter, you will feel better!

When you look in to her little eyes...

And see yourself...

You'll know what I'm takng about!

If your able get married.

This is honorable, and It will help your relationship with the Dad!

Believe in the Dad, build him up!

He wants to do well...he may be scared too!

Commendation goes a long way!

He needs someone to believe in him!

Do you?

Best wishes!

Answer 30

I hope this changes!! This your child, and nothing you can do! But you should be blessed that you were blessed with a child! Most people can't even concieve. Babies are so much fun!! And exciting and innocent, and love you so much!! YOu can do it and be a great mommy, with or without the father. GOODLUCK

Answer 31

You're right at the end of your second trimester which is the WORST time for hormones and crazy emotions. And, it's normal to be scared that you won't be a good parent.

I didn't fall in love with either of my newborns until the post partum hormones levelled out.

I don't consider myself the most maternal of people, but I'm fiercely in love with my teenagers. And after all my fears, I ended up being a pretty good parent.