I feel like the unwanted child to my dad?

Question

Ok well I feel like my dad doesn't care as much about me as he does my older brother. He is always taking my brothers side in our arguments , he always gos to my brothers weight lifting challenges and he never comes to my volleyball games , and he's always teasing me and I feel like he's trying to hurt my feelings.

My mom has always wanted me to be a girly-girl but I'm just not into wearing all pink and stuff like that (some pink is ok just not all) And we fight a lot sometimes because we are 2 totally different people.

The only thing that we do have in common is our love for volleyball.

So all I want is my dad to show me that he cares about me. If I could hear him say he loves me only once that would make me so happy.

So how can I do that?

How can I get my dad to show that he cares about me?

How can I find common ground with my mom so we can stop fighting so often?

Please Help!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

The best thing you can do is talk to both your mom and dad. Fighting w/ your parents is more common than you think as you are at the age where asserting your independence is normal and your mom is just trying to regain the control she thinks she has lost. Ask you mom what you can do to stop the arguing. Agree to not discuss things when there is a possibility of a heated argument. Agree to a time line. Such as you feel the conversation getting heated - say "lets take 10". Then after 10 min or so restart the conversation. Continue to do this even in the middle of a conversation until you can discuss things calmly. Vow to treat each other w/ respect. (that means you can't lose control too)

As far as your dad. He does love you. A dads love for his daughter is different from his love for his son. BUT IT IS NOT ANY LESS! Dads just relate better to boys because they were at one time "a little boy".

Just remind your dad that you like to spend time with him. Ask him what you can do together. Something that is your own special thing that you two do only together. There is nothing wrong with that. If you need to hear him say that he love you. Tell him. Ask him to tell you more often because you need to hear it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Honestly, I don't really know how to answer this, but I will definitely try to help you answer your questions. For the first and second questions, I think you should sit down and have a calm, collective conversation with your father. I mean, like ask him some questions about your situations. For instance, if you want to go deep, then ask him about why he teases you so much and ask him if he really loves. If he says yes, ask him why he loves you. He may even be teasing you and not supporting you a lot because since you have brothers and your father is a man, they have more in common because they are men. For the question about your mom, I don't really have an idea about that because you and your mom don't have anything in common except volleyball, which is an awesome sport. I say you should have a talk with her as well and tell her that you want to be close to her and have a relationship with her. You may not agree on the same things, but I'm sure you will find something other than volleyball that you two have in common. Topics may be foods, drinks, animals. It doesn't all have to be about the clothes color you buy. Anyway, I hope I helped you and hope you sort your problems out.

Answer 3

You are not the only person going through a situation like yours and some cases are far worse than yours. So far base on what you wrote there seem to be no one from the outside that is the source of concern for causing you such distress.

Base on what you wrote you are not unwanted by your parents as there are children out there in a far more worse case than yours. I know that it is very hard to deal with the emotional feelings that is like hot water boiling inside of you. It is a very delicate balancing act as on one hand you love your parents as well as your brother, and on the other hand you have to not let those feeling boil over; when you are treated in manner as mention by you..

Have you ever given the thought that since both you and your Mom as mention by you have a Love for Volleyball. Since this is  an area were you two don't fight to use this love as a means in a strategic manner. To bring about a better relationship between you and your parents ?

I read your message and saw this as a way of building a bridge of peace between you and your parents. It is very hard to try and explain to some parents how life is not like when they were going to school; thing are much different as there is a lot more to deal with.

Some times the Class Room and other activities resemble a small ( United Nations ) and base on your position or loyalty to some one you get a lot of Peer Pressure etc.

Answer 4

For your Mom, why not suggest a girls day out once a month.  Then you two can go eat and hang out for an entire day.  Then do something like see a movie or shopping. If she wants to shop just tell her"Mom one reason I wanted to do girls day out was to get to know each other.  The first thing you need to learn is I am not really interested in feminine clothing."  Then show her what type of clothes you do like.

As to your Dad, once  you suggest the "Girls Day Out"  suggest a Father Daughter day once a month as well.  For both days suggest they get to pick the activities one month and you get to pick it the next month.  During your father/daughter day mention during lunch how hurt you are that he never comes to your volleyball games.  Tell him they are just as important to you as the weight-lifting is to your brother.  Tell him you thought that he would want to share your sport with you since he is so interested in sports with your brother.

Some men just do not know how to act around a woman who is capable of doing traditionally male activities.  I worked in a male dominated field and ran into this quite often.  You just have to show them how to act!  I am sure he loves you, he just does not know how to show it yet.  Give him some time or....show him this answer and question!

Answer 5

Well I am not sure about your mom but as far as your dad goes he sounds like a male chauvinist meaning that he could be sexist, or biased towards men. Although it is great that you play volley ball it is kind of known as a "girls sports" so to some men that might "not count" as horrible that sounds. That's why its a huge joke when people talk about how no one watches Women's Basketball because its kind of true. Its a huge testosterone thing when a man go watch his first born son plays sports. It means that he has really succeeded as a male. He had a son who is good at sports, and to men that is a status symbol to some and "bragging rights".

try and talk to your dad. Or write him a letter telling him how you feel. Trying doing thingd with him that you would know he likes so you can try to bond with him. Honey men are clueless even our fathers and sometimes they need help expressing their emotions.