I feel not important?

Question

I am in my 50s, I have been married 3 times and I have no children. I have a job I don't really like, a boyfriend 5 years younger that likes to bring up all the time that I am older than him. I feel that my younger sisters and brothers are much more successful than me in everything. The only thing I think I am good at is taking care of my pets. I have 4 cats and one dog that I dearly love. I am just starting to feel more invisible and less important and insignificant by the day. I feel very depressed and unappreciated. What can I possibly do to feel better?

Answer 1

Could you try and get a different job?  I know it can be difficult when you are older, but could you say get something where you are working with animals, since you seem to be very fond of them?

To be honest, I must say that your boyfriend does not sound very nice to me.  The fact that he makes a big deal over the fact that you are five years older than him is very silly.  Five years is nothing, and anyway either he likes you or he doesn't, what does your age matter?  My sister's boyfriend is 23 years younger than she is, but he doesn't keep alluding to the fact all the time.  I can't help feeling that if he was really fond of you he would not keep on about your age all the time.

It is great that you are so fond of your pets, and that they give you pleasure.  Some people don't have anything in their lives that makes them happy, but at least you have your pets.  You are important to them anyway, what would they do without you?

Maybe, even if you can't change your job, you could do some volunteer work with an animal charity?  They are usually anxious for volunteers.  I have a friend who does stuff for Cats Protection, she works in their charity shop and helps with fundraising events etc, and she has made lots of friends through doing that.  perhaps you could try something like that?

Answer 2

You are important your boyfriend is still with you, and your pets absurlutely adore you some people really find it hard to get a life like yours.

It probably is sad when you dn't have children, but maybe a way to make you feel better is try and stay with friends maybe you could see your brothers and sisters they might have children which you can visit they might even have baby grandchildren which i'm sure you would to see them.You are successful maybe you should try and get anouther job that you would love. Like helping out in schools theres so much to do.

Answer 3

Oh dear,I understand your feelings.I have to address first the words"I am starting to feel more invisable,less important,insignificant,depressed and unappreciated..

Then look at the daily "job you do not like" and more revealing is the statement that your boyfriend likes to bring up the age difference between you(what on earth for??and why would a man who loved  you even think about any age difference)He is bombarding you with enough negativity to effect your emotional and self dignity to cause all of the negative words  you use towards yourself.There is a "root cause" to most overwhelming situations over time take us to a negative state of mind and heart(put us down and it takes us down).What is the root cause?Well if you had a partner who was positive,adored you and spoke/treated you with the respect and appreciation your deserve then I believe you would not be feeling this way.What have you done well?You are strong /smart and courageous enough to know when previous relationships were not working,it takes guts to be that strong and realistic!Few people can love and care for their pets well and with love,congradulate your self for your gifts of compassion and love of those who need you.As for your siblings,I hope you can let go of that feeling of"I am less successful" etc These thoughts are caused by either being openly compared to them or self comparison(due to the lowered emotional state you have found yourself in).Seems like you may be recieving negative remarks or innuendos from outside yourself/and or are comparing your life to theirs.Are you and you siblings not completely separate individuals with separate gifts?Yes you are all different and separate.Goodness don't go that route,you can't change who they are and envy has seeped into your emotional make up due to all of the above.You have started beating yourself up emotionally and your ability to be strong,gifted and courageous is being pushed behind a wall of painful feelings.Start taking that wall down slowly,brick by brick and re discover yourself and the great person you are.What will your dear pets do if you keep walking backwards down this emotional slope???They will land up suffering with you just because the negativity put apon you by ridiculous words from your "boyfriend" who is "supposed to love you??" and now your damaged self respect caused by "his disrespect".That lowered sense of self respect  is lowering your natural abilities to be happy with who you are,is preventing you from being happy and not allowing you to see yourself clearly.A quick fix would be to volunteer at an animal shelter/with the elderly take art classes whtaever interests you.Do this and you will "feel needed because you are."Think hard on a man that I suspect does more to bring you down that mention age difference.You did not get this low being in a healthy stable and understanding relationship.Bless you and good luck.I have been where you are.......Begin walking forward and dismantle that wall of negative input that has built up around your heart and self awareness~

Answer 4

* A few things can help turn the day around.

Take the dog out with you for a walk, or

go bicycle riding, out in the fresh air.

More than likely, you’ll find someone fun to

chat with, makes your day brighter and

theirs, too.

Read a good book redirects your mind off a bad day.

Sit and meditate on positive’s, what you’re

thankful and grateful for. Positive thoughts

will get you feeling better.

and pls remember you are very important and spacial .. keep it in this mind..

Answer 5

just do what pleases you and stop worrying about pleasing others and getting approval. Get a new boyfriend that will make you feel better etc.

Answer 6

First things first ~ we need to appreciate ourselves before anyone else can discover the wonderful people we are :-)

Depression can really cloud the way we see the world, and it's important to tackle things one at a time.

You took 50 plus years to get where you are ~ you might want to take a few weeks to sort things out!

My own doc told me ages ago that the best 'first step' for beating depression is to get out of the house into the fresh air and go for a brisk walk at least once a day.

It doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to be a bright sunny day, it's about getting fresh air into your lungs and bloodstream and cashing in on the natural pheronomes your body produces during exercise and when you go outdoors.

Also, try to get some fresh fruit and extra fesh veg into your diet. This isn't about 'eating right' it's about healthy nutrition to beat depression ~ fact, a diet high in processed foods is found to 'feed' depression.

Do this for a week or two, and see if you feel like it is 'blowing the cobwebs away' a little.

And, in the meantime, there are some links below you might find it useful to check out.

Once you deal with the depression you are feeling, you might find it much easier to make important decisions and choices about other aspects of your life.

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 7

Either you just haven't found what you're good at, or your self esteem is so low that you can't see what you're good at.  Your self-esteem is definitely low, and it sounds like its getting lower.

The best way to improve your self esteem is to accomplish things.  So the first thing you need to do is to look back over your life, and write down all the things that you've accomplished, were good at in the past and/or are proud of.  Is there anything on that list that you can expand on?  For me, it was school - I had always received good marks.  So I took a couple of evening courses at university, and after a couple of years went back to school full time.

Once you start doing something that you're good at, you'll start feeling better about yourself.  I also suggest taking an assertiveness training course.  If you're feeling invisible and insignificant, you're not being heard.  You'll be heard more if you can be more assertive.  And, a bonus, if you can be more assertive, you will be able to tell your boyfriend, in a way he'll understand, that you don't appreciate the age comments, or you'll be able to get rid of him, and find someone who treats you well.

Based on my experience, I would guess that there's some abuse in your past - either as a child or from one of your ex-husbands.  If this is true, then please see a counsellor and get some help do deal with it, or it will go on having an impact on your self-esteem.  

If you get really depressed, or the depression that you're now feeling goes on for more than 6 weeks, go to your doctor and talk to him about anti-depressants.  You will probably only have to take them for about 6 months, and they should help, especially if you go to counselling too.

Until you can get the counselling and medication set up, set yourself an accomplishable goal every day, and accomplish it.  Write it down in a notebook, so you have a record of accomplishments.  You could also keep a "thankful journal."  Every day before you go to bed, write down what has happened during the day that you are thankful for.  It could be as insignificant as someone holding a door open for you, but write down as many things as you can every day.

I hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer 8

See a counselor, try to go out and discover new things and interests for yourself. You may be in you're 50's but that certainly doesn't mean life is now pointless for you. It doesn't all have to be gloomy. The world is you're oyster, reap it.