I feel permenantly stuck in this situation can anyone help ?

Question

present situation :

i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england , on disability benefits, i own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress - im waiting to hear if i will get group therapy ; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and aggraphobia and anxiety, i have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.

about my history :

ive had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying , victimisation, bad times , assaults , head injuries , homelessness , time in a psychiatric hospital , over a time span 0f 16 years , since the age of 16.

ive missed out on most things in life people take for granted : forming any relationships with anyone . never been employed , spent all my life on disability , never got an education , never got any qualifications.

have a minor criminal record for an assault and carrying a knife when i lived in a rough neiborhood, and i was being targeted by local thugs.

obviously have a psychiatric record to.

i used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public places, where id lose control and lash out at people, not something i planned but i would get a build up of paranoia and pressure in my head whilst outside then explode.

but i dont do that anymore , ive managed my rage for years without therapy.

i also unfortunatly havent had consistant therapy over the years, the system failed me so i havent had the help i needed.

what i want for my future :

im now 30 and would like to achieve a normal happy life, to have friends that i choose, a good paying job in computers , a secure life and most importantly ; i want to emigrate from the united kingdom to somewhere hot , somewhere quiet and coastal by the sea, to find a loving senorita or a loving, partner to share my life with.

thats it.

most people when i talk about these desired ambitions put them down, or tell me their beyond my reach and patronisingly say '' i have to be realistic '' '' everybody wants those things but not everybody gets them ''

that ill find it '' impossible '' in my situation at my disadvantages.

its mainly brits who keep on telling me that - other people from elsewhere usually have a more optimistic view towards me.

its like theres a conspiracy where the brits are trying to keep me here against my will ( paranoia keeps creeping in )

all i know is i desperatly want to achieve those goals and leave the uk.

do i have any chance ?

im not trying to be funny but i would like serious answers please as im really depressed over this right now.

my situation in every sense including geographically , is not where i want to be.

Answer 1

You can do whatever you set your mind to. It sounds like you have already set some goals for yourself so just follow through! GOOD LUCK to you! :)  

Answer 2

I think you need to move to NYC. I feel that because you can constantly have your mind occupied on positive issues, so much to see and do. so many strange people that who cares what you are feeling or thinking. believe it or not, but there are a lot of people that feel the way you do. its all about taking the first step and i believe you can accomplish that. its easier to dwell on the negative and harder to focus on the positive, because once that feeling takes over you focus on the negative once a again, i know its harder said then done, but trust me once you do it you will feel like a new you. Tell yourself today you are going to be a mature adult and move on.  

Answer 3

I answered you before, sure it was you. I see your attitude has gotten better, keep it up! You can do anything you want, anything. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. If you have friends like that, get new friends. You don't need that in your life. Nothing is beyond your reach. You strive for it, save money, start job searching, nothing is impossible. You move just like everyone else moves, it won't happen overnight, but stay the course. Get some computer knowledge, certifications, apply with companies. I know someone who lived in Europe, like you, got some computer skills and took an IT job in Aruba. You can do anything, start now.