I feel; really let down?

Question

If i had the balls and dont want to let any body down i would kill myself, everything is going wrong and i feel like i want to cry all the time and are not in control of anything anymore, my wife who suffers from bipolar isn't supporting me and over the last 6 months we have started to hate each other we have split up on a temporary seperation, but all i want is a cuddle and she hates me, i feel let down because i have gave her my shoulder for 15 years and when i need her's she isn't there for me. When i am not with her i miss her, but when ever we speak we argue. How do i stop feeling like this?

Answer 1

This is just a stage in your life, and I can guarantee you it will pass.  Don't think about killing yourself, you are a very special person and you just need to find help.  I don't know what you are going through, but it will not last forever, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel, so don't despair.

Please look after yourself and remember that although you need a shoulder to lean on, you are responsible for your own happiness, so take control and own it!!!

Good luck to you!!!!

Answer 2

You need to let go of your pain and move your life forward.  Adversity is a part of life and we all have rough times and hurtful things.  You cannot let it take over, stick to you, or even control your life.  You feel you lost control because you are hurt and don't feel supported.  The only true person who can do that is you.  How you deal with adversity and your life is a sign of true character.  Your wife has a disease and that will control a lot within her, but she is hurt too.  Stand up, realize you are worth something, and make the decisions you need to move your life in a more positive direction.

Answer 3

Both partners in a bipolar marriage need to remember that what may feel like a relationship problem that can only be solved by a divorce often actually has nothing to do with the marriage, but is tied to the bipolar itself.

When your bipolar spouse cries, "Divorce!" remain calm and remind yourself that the underlying problem isn't necessarily you or the marriage. However, there are times when being away from each other may be just the safety valve you need.

Some married couples have discovered that when a bipolar spouse is going through a particularly rough patch with mood swings that evidence themselves through aggressiveness and anger or hostility, it can actually help to temporarily separate.

One couple reports that they have an agreement that she will spend two weeks at home focusing intensely on herself and working with her therapist to get back on track. Being at the house without her husband there as a target prevents confrontations that could turn into blow-ups and allows her to focus all of her resources on getting her episode under control.

For his part, the husband reports that he has found that a few weeks spent at his brother's house gives him the opportunity to "decompress" from the constant pressure of a bipolar marriage. He is able to step back and gain some perspective and recall the many reasons he loves his wife.

When the most critical phase of his wife's episode has passed, the two get together and are able to discuss things with a greater sense of compassion and a renewed commitment to their marriage. They both report that they are centered and have moved past the "accusing" stage and are able to focus on the real problems they may be having rather than trying to simply hurl accusations and shove each other away.

This may not work for every couple, but it's certainly an option to consider for couples who bounce the "divorce" ball back and forth too often.

Remember, in all relationships there is an ebb and flow, much like the tide. There will be times when you and your husband or wife will want to be very close to each other.

But when your spouse is bipolar, there are more likely to be times when he or she will need some space and time to come to grips with her own internal turmoil. It's a place you can't go with her, and needing to travel that road alone doesn't mean she loves you any less. In fact, she may return with her love for you made even stronger because you were able to understand and wait patiently.

Answer 4

Aw hun, you could call her you know, ask her if it's ok to go round, walk in & just give her a cuddle, you never know, you might just get one back.

You stated yourself you miss her, so go round there & try it. Your wife misses you too & perhaps she needs a cuddle just as much as you do.

Fifteen yrs is a h**l of a lot to throw away out of sheer stubbornness on both your parts, don't you think ? ( you only get 5 yrs for manslaughter for god's sake !! *lol* )

If pride is the only thing stopping you from going round, then swallow it. You know the old proverb, to receive it you gotta give it.

You both need each other, if you didn't then it wouldn't hurt so bad, I'm sure she's hurting just as much as you, only she hides it better.

Good Luck.( I appologise for the joke, I thought it might make you smile ! ) X :-)

Answer 5

Suicide is never the answer, counceling is, get some and get out of your marriage for your mental healths sake

Answer 6

Both of you needs counseling. Why don't you talk to your wife what you feel. It's better to seat down and talk and ask her to work out the relationship for good.  If she still not bother why chase  somebody who is not interested anymore. No offense. Plenty fish in the ocean.Move on just in case she prefer to leave.

Answer 7

you're the only one who can help yourself....get counseling...it works...nuff said!!!!

Answer 8

Unfortunately you wont automatically stop feeling that way. You are suffering from a broken heart hunni and most of them take a while to heal, espec if you were together for 15 years.

The best way is to try and so as much as you can for yourself rather than sitting at home alone being upset.. try and go out with your friends, do some housework or go to the gym.  You just need to try and do as much as poss to keep your mind busy and not thinking about her and being upset.

It seems like at the moment you;re the one chasing her... if you continue to do this when she dislikes you a little at the moment it will end in disaster.

Try to relax a bit and have no contact with her, she will surely contact you when she is ready to do so and then you can have a proper chat and you can see what is best for you both.

Chin up mate x

Answer 9

Dnt dnt dnt even think about suicide, despite however u might feel u do hav sooooo much to live for even tho it might not feel like it atm we al hav our ups n downs. n when we hav our downs its worse than ever bt live for the moment it wil b better cuz it will!

about ur wife, is she seein a doctor or therapist? she needs to, if she doesnt get her to go to one by smehow trickin her into it she needs help!

If she does go than giv her sme time to get better. Bipolar is a desease just like cancer is, and even tho feels like she isnt ther for u, she prolly isnt even aware of it bcuz her ups n downs can vary frm second to second giv her a bit of time...

However, despite how much u miss her sounds like u need sme alone time to focus on urself n gettin better try to also perhaps c a therapist however weird tht might sound it can rlly help u find ur way bac to urself... try to do the things yu love, n try to stay away frm ur wife even tho u miss her bcuz it wont make u happy seein her due to ur fight.

Gud lukc hun n remember uve got so much more to live for tht u dnt even know about yet.

Answer 10

you have to first accept what you dont a women scorned will never listen make the most out of the situation and keep calm maybe oneday things can go back and maybe better ,,the misunderstood..

Answer 11

Oh, Ill give you a hug....:-)HHUUUUUGGGG.....

I think you should really go and speak to a professional about this and how you're feeling. You sound so down on yourself, you sound a little depressed yourself and there is someone who can help you with that. I think to kill yourself would be a very easy way out, but understand that is the only way out that you see at the moment.

I think she needs to sort her problems out before you guys can be together again, you need to tell her that too. Tell her face to face that you aren't coping well with things and you need to figure yourself out and let her do the same. You will end up making each other more and more unhappy if you don't separate for a while. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing but you both need to give it time.

Don't blame her for this though as you will end up resenting her, which isn't fair. Stand on your own two feet and be strong for her and yourself. Communication is the key and don't be afraid of talking to her about everything. Before you chat you should both lay down some rules, for example, No shouting, no touching, eye contact must be made, no talking over each other. You can only talk when the other person has fin shed. My partner and I have done this before and it really does work. If it does get out of hand, walk away, go make a cup of tea for you both, but you MUST talk about this with her.

There are others who love and care for you so please don't take the easy way out. Fight for what you want and take it all on the chin....You are better than that.

I really wish you the best of luck and hope that it all works out ok for you. Please could you let us know how you're getting on?

xx

Answer 12

well we could be the same person mate lol, after living with my wife of 10 years i now have bipolar like her.  the answer is not in death my friend but in life, get up early and whatch a sunrise. close your eyes and know your not alone in thiis world. there are poeple who care about you. be brave and find somone to open up to. it will help i promise.

Answer 13

You need to go for counseling, like right now. Talking of killing yourself is serious, you don't want to do that. I tried to kill myself and i now regret it so much. My husband was cheating and i was losing everything I worked so hard for. But you know what? Material things don't matter, and believe me there is someone out there who will love you. So try to find someone to talk to and know you are loved and needed by so many people in your life you just are feeling down right now. Good luck, and go to the doctor they can give you something for depression don't do anything stupid.