I feel so Judged and left out :( what can i do?

Question

First of all i didnt know which section to add this in case u were wondering

Anyways I became a Pescitarian, and its so hard to go to people's houses and reject their food when it has meat in it (however i do eat fish.. but almost never).. but i just felt worse yesterday when i visited my aunt, she had spagetti (they all finished eating so she offered me) and she is like "there is the meat too so you can add it to the pasta'' and i was like "no thanks aunti, i stopped eating meat except for fish" and i said it in such a nice and respectful way! but she got so upset all day at me, as if it was an insult.. and then they kept "interrogating" me.. i felt so left out :(

but i still ate her food (not the meat) i had the pasta with salad, corn and another food she had made of herbs and nuts.

AH is there another way to say no that they wont feel upset? or judge me? or should i just not say anything? i just want to eat my way without feeling judged nor insulting others. plz help

Answer 1

It sounds like you were very respectful.  It's not your problem if your Aunt is over-emotional or reacted in that way.  You did your part and I guess her part was to flip out over nothing.

You can only do so much.  It's impossible to make everyone happy.  As long as you follow your heart everything will fall into place.  Don't worry what others think...especially when they overreact and act rude.  

You respected your Aunt enough to talk to her reasonably and respectfully.  If she doesn't respect your decision or at least try to be polite, then you shouldn't take what she says to heart.

There are plenty of people who understand and respect vegetarians.  It doesn't take a vegetarian or vegan to be nice to other vegans and vegetarians.  It takes an open minded, polite, respectful person.

Good luck and I hope you will understand that this was not your fault at all.  There are rude people everywhere but it hurts more when they are actually in your family.

If your Aunt was happy with you when you were a meat eater, she will most likely get past this.  If not you don't need her.  You need love and support no matter what decision you make...even if not everyone agrees with it.

Answer 2

You can't take responsibility for how other people react, only with how you present your choice.  If you ate most of what she cooked, and were polite when you turned down the meat, then she alone is responsible for reacting badly to it.  Some people have preconceived notions of vegetarianism (or pescetarianism, for that matter, since many people would not understand the distinction.)  The only thing you can do is make choices that are true to you, refrain from judging others and hope that they learn to offer you the same degree of respect.  Most people stop with the interrogation and negativity when they realize that you're committed to it.

Answer 3

Your aunt sounds like a jerk.

I would say tell them once, and ignore any grilling, if that doesn't work ask them if they would like you to leave, that should shut them up, if they continue, walk out the door, and don't come back until they apologize.

Answer 4

Well, you were honest and polite so I really don't know what else you can do or say... I would not recommend ignoring family however. Being rude yourself is the  reaction of an immature child and not the answer . I would just try and maybe give them time to adjust. They probably feel a bity left out too or feel they've "lost" a family memebr as you are not "one of them" anymore. Stick to your principles and things will work out eventually. Heck maybe you can terach your aunt to mak a meatless pasta sauce for everybody. Might be a pleasant suprise for her and an ice  breaker for a tense situation.

I am used to being around vegetarians (though I am not one myself) so when hosting, I usually ask in advance for special dietary requirements  Not only for the vegtarians but aso for those with medical restrictions. You never know when someone suddenly decides to be a veggie or has been recently diagnosed with diabetes or is having heart problems, lactose intolerance etc.

PS. Not to brag but when somebody says "Oh sorry but I don't eat meat", my answer is almost always "Gee why didn't you say so earlier.. I could have made something else..."

Answer 5

I'm also a pescitarian of three, almost four, years. At first, whenever I had dinner parties with my family, my cousins would always judge me. They would threaten to hide meat in a vegetable salad without me knowing.. and, alas, it happened and I was unaware until I tasted it! How horrible, right? Well, about a few months later, they started realizing this is serious and they would sometimes still forget but they were usually cautious. Now, three years later, I go over their house and they always create a buffet that's good for me AND good for them. Especially if you come from a European family like I do, it will be hard at first but they will all come to their senses. Time heals everything.

Answer 6

This is very iffy.  There are pros and cons to letting people know your food choices.  There are times when I don't want to tell a soul that I am vegan because of the way people react.

But then, I have to tell my friends and family about it for this very reason.  My friend had a birthday party recently and the refreshments were very NON-vegan.  However, she did arrange for a fruit and veggie and triscuit tray for me beforehand.  I thought that was so sweet of her!  And it sure was a good thing that she KNEW I was a vegan otherwise it would have dimmed her party down, knowing one of her guests couldn't even eat!

That might have been what upset your aunt.  People who cook for other people really like to know that their food is eaten and enjoyed.  When you turned it down she probably felt like she'd wasted her time.

This is why it's important to let your friends and family know what you eat and what you don't eat, to avoid situations like this.

Your aunt will get over it, everyone will move on.  Just consider it a learning experience.

Answer 7

Just ignore everyone that insults you. I get insulted because I'm a vegan but i don't listen to them i just move on with my life =)

Answer 8

Hey, I feel bad too but in those kind of situations I just say I am not hungry.

Answer 9

http://www.goingbananasblog.com/

Being Social on the Raw Diet - A Case Study.



Last night I was invited to Cheddars by a bunch of new friends I've been getting to know. I know that early on in my transition to this lifestyle, I used to have a nervous tic whenever I thought about social eating situations, so I thought I'd share my experience from last night for those of you who are still in the tic phase. ;)

First of all, I'd never been to Cheddars before. But I figured it was probably something like Chilli's and Applebee's, and I racked up thousands of frequent foodie miles at both of those places over the years, so I had a vague idea of what kind of food Cheddars might have on their menu.

I wasn't sure I was going to eat at all, because I was hungry earlier in the evening and ate a hearty pre-dinner "snack" of several creamy sweet bananas, so I figured if anything I'd probably order a small salad.

So I got there and we all squeezed into a huge booth. The waiter came along and he was an innocent looking young kid, so I knew I could make my order as complicated as I wanted to and he would be willing to try and get it right. I just have a sense about these things. :)

I said, "I need a plain romaine salad with lots of tomatoes and cucumbers on it, please, and dressing on the side."

He said, "So...just plain? What about shredded carrots, do you like those?"

I said, "Nah, just lots and lots of tomatoes would be great." And I flashed him a big cheery smile, trying to send him subliminal messages of the big fat tip coming his way if he would just get it right.

I don't think anyone at our table noticed or cared what I ordered.

It didn't take too long for our food to arrive. He started putting our plates on our table, and my plate appeared in front of me. He asked me specifically as he set it down, "Is this okay for you?"

I looked at it. There was a medium sized plate of fresh looking romaine lettuce, and 8 grape tomatoes on it. No cucumbers. And...the entire salad was dusted with tiny, tiny particles of cheese.

Thinking quickly, I first said, "Yeah it looks good, thanks." I figured, that I could just eat the 8 grape tomatoes and try to pick some of the cheese off. But as I looked closer at the salad I realized that the cheese was grated too fine to be picked off, and was interspersed in all the layers of the lettuce, not just the top layer.

Social Suicide?

At this point I had a decision to make.

A) I could just grit my teeth, pay $6 for 8 grape tomatoes and move on so as not to make myself look like a fussy pot, or worse, invite questions about why I didn't eat cheese...

or

B) I could ask the waiter for a 2nd plate, since I clearly did not ask for cheese, and risk drawing too much attention to myself, but end up with what I asked for.

The waiter had just finished serving all my other friends and was getting ready to leave our table. I made a quick decision and got his attention. I beamed at him apologetically and said,

"I so don't mean to be fussy, but I just noticed there was cheese on this and I asked for it plain."

He said, "Oh! Okay...uh...I can get you a new plate."

I said, "So sorry!"

"No problem."

He got back with a fresh plate in a couple of minutes. Plain lettuce, 8 grape tomatoes. No cucumbers.

I thanked him, and proceeded to enjoy my salad and my time with my friends.

The waiter got a nice tip from me.

I am glad that I asked to correct my order, but in the past I probably would not have. I'm sure some of my friends noticed that I had a problem with my order, but I was very polite, matter of fact and pleasant about it with the waiter and went out of my way to act apologetic about it rather than make it seem like it was his problem, even though it was.

I have corrected plenty of orders before on a cooked diet, so hopefully nobody thought it was strange. But if they did, nobody said anything about it or looked at me weirdly.

In fact, the friend sitting next to me said she wished she knew I loved tomatoes because just a few weeks ago (before she met me) her parents had come out for a visit, bringing with them tons of tomatoes from their garden. My friend had tomatoes out her ears for awhile and had been looking to share them with friends. Yeah. TOO BAD HUH?! I almost burst into tears. Haha.

Principle No. 1

If you don't tell anyone about your diet, it's unlikely anyone will notice.

Real Life Example: Recently we've met, and been welcomed with open arms by a whole new group of friends. They all already knew each other and live nearby. They also have no clue about my diet and although I'm sure it will eventually come out, right now wild horses couldn't drag it out of me.

Last weekend one of the families had an ice cream party at their house to celebrate July 4th. They provided the ice cream, the guests brought toppings. I brought about 6 lbs of assorted berries in a glass bowl the size of Mount Everest turned upside down. It was a hit - people seemed to really enjoy the berries on their ice cream.

We were there for over two hours, and I'm pretty sure nobody ever noticed that none of the 5 of us had any ice cream (my kids don't do dairy). My husband and kids ate bowlfuls of just berries. I didn't eat at all because my big mouth was too busy blabbing to multi-task with chewing. Plus I wasn't hungry.

Nobody even looked or commented on our food. Ok, I take that back. My 3 yr old apparently had a hole in her stomach that night and ate the most out of anyone - 3-4 cereal bowlfuls worth. I was feeding her berries with a spoon, and someone did comment that she sure did like fruit. That was about it.

Principle No. 2

In the beginning, always be prepared with food and with words.

Real Life Example: I think there are two ways you can prepare yourself for social events that are helpful. The first is with food, and the second is with words.

Food: I don't do this anymore, because once this diet becomes a part of your life, simply something that you do, food doesn't ever seem too urgent anymore. But it was very helpful to me in the first 4 months or so, to make sure to a) eat before I left the house and b) pack some fruit.

I never liked being away from home in the beginning when I felt hungry because that's when I knew I would struggle with cravings. So I tried to eat before I left the house.

As far as being at the restaurant or social event, I found that either not really eating, or eating a basic plain salad, did not draw too much notice. "I ate a huge lunch so I'm not hungry yet" or "I'm just eating light for tonight" seemed to suffice. I don't drink alcohol anyway, so I don't have experience with that, but hopefully someone else who used to drink will chime in for ya.

As far as packing fruit - in the fall and winter, a package of fresh dates were discreet and easy to pack. I didn't like stuffing bananas in my purse, but sometimes I would pack some bananas or apples or some other easy-to-eat-on-the-go fruit in my car.

Words: It is really confidence boosting to learn a few new simple and short phrases to say to people to diffuse the times when they do notice and ask you questions. For example, instead of ever mentioning the word "diet", I like to say easy, vague things like, "I just eat a lot of fruit/salad," or "I just feel better when I eat this way," if I can get away with it.

Phrases like those just come across a lot easier on the ears for most people, I've found. And if someone is genuinely curious and interested in your diet, they will keep asking you and at that point you can let all heck break loose and tell them that you're a fruitarian. But if they're really that curious then they will likely be very open to it.

Photo from macmac

Principle No. 3

Practice makes perfect.

Real Life Example: Every single time you get out there, you will get more comfortable with yourself and less worried about what others think. This is something I've noticed about myself over time.

So make an effort to keep practicing. Go to every social thing you're invited to when you can, and make sure you're prepared for each one, as in Principle No. 2 above. You will probably find that by the 10th party, you will wonder why you ever fretted about this.

You may encounter a couple of rude people along the way, and you may say a couple of things you didn't mean to occasionally. You may even lose a friend or two (in which case, they weren't really friends anyway - would real friends part with you over what you eat??) but try to take it all in stride and learn something from each experience.

I rarely pack food or plan ahead anymore. I just focus on being with friends and getting to know them instead of worrying about myself (which used to be a huge struggle for me). But this kind of confidence builds with time, and that's really all there is to it!

Answer 10

One you may can do is simply just say that u aren't hungry. However if you really are, then just tell them that ur a pescitarian and ignore them. It's not up to them to tell you what to eat. If you know that you plan to go somewhere you can always let them know before hand so no mix-up may occur.

Answer 11

your aunt must be a very good cook and not used to people turning her food down

=]

you and your aunt will be okay, just say no thanks...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMpHF2a-I...