I feel so alone all the time, what is wrong with me?

Question

I cant speak up for myself and I enjoy have interesting deep conversations with people. But, I'm a very emotional person who acts on impulse. I spend a lot of my time thinking, reflecting, and the result? Anger and bitterness. Since yesterday now literally remained in my room sitting, thinking, wasting time and watching the clock tick on. I hate talking and being with my family. I'm paronoid they're judgeing me all the time. I want to get out this house and away from them so much. I do love my family. But I feel a lot of hate and resentment remaining here with them, especially my mum. Im in college and I work at the moment. I've been drinking a lot recently, it makes me happy, which is wrong. I know it's probably making my "depression" worse. I like being around males in particular. Mainly because I get along with more but I feel less longer and safer and happier around them. Like, my dad left my life when I was about 6, I saw him at my grandmothers funeral when I was 12, he ignored me

Answer 1

You're depressed & angry.  I think in a certain way you prefer male company because you are looking for "your father" who abandoned you.

Your drinking could be the way you think you can punish your family  whom you also feel abandoned you by "judging you, not talking to you, not pulling you out of your room".

Drinking will only deepen your depression as it is a central nervous system depressant.  It is a very temporary absence of all the pain you feel.

Don't let drinking become a way of handling your emotions, it will only destroy your mind & body in the end.

Why don't you try AA group for teens...you'll get to meet people there.

I think your saying you "can't " speak up for yourself was a slip... if you really could...you wouldn't just avoid your family...you'd confront them...but you're afraid you'll be judged, abandoned & ignored again.

If I may suggest it, I think it's time to see a counselor with whom you can discuss your depression & pain.  You will have someone on your side, though it may take a while to feel that & trust the person.

Don't medicate yourself with alcohol.

My best to you

Answer 2

how old are you if you don't mind telling. What is it that you don't like to talk to your family? the only reasons I can think of are that they don't talk to you much? or they ignore your feeling?they treat you bad?  you don't feel love around them? you don't like your family characteristics?and ofcourse you should love your family no matter what because they are your family. And, I think you shouldn't drink eventhough it make you happy. You should hang out with good friends and go shopping or do some activity for fun. Drinking can make you happy at the moment, but its can damage your body. So doing sports can make you healthy  at the moment and later in the future as well. so be happy and hope you can find good friends to hang out with.