I feel so bad !!!!!!!! =(

Question

i met a man he got me preggers he radically died in a car accident before i had even had our daughter she is now 5 and i am planning on telling her about her dad but i feel so bad as i met someone else nearly 3 years ago and we got married and had a son i am now expecting another child together but i feel like i have replaced my daughters dad please help me !!!!!!!!

Answer 1

If you've been with this man since she was 3, he is the only father she's got. Why confuse her little mind? I would wait until she's older so she can understand what happened. She'll eventually get into her teens and wonder why her last name is different than everyone elses. I hope it is anyhow, because if you plan in re-introducing the fact that your husband is not her father, she should have his name. It sounds important to you that she knows who she is, but right now is too soon for her to comprehend death/replacement issues. Sorry for your loss, but it's great to hear your husband has accepted both of you.  

Answer 2

just  tell      feel    right

Answer 3

According to the Parenthood rule book, this somewhat other man you been living with for three years: is now the lawful father. After three years even the police can see he is common law father.

Answer 4

You were with this other man when you were 16, you were in love with him and you got pregnant, but you were also drinking and doing drugs.  It sounds like you were a bit lost, and maybe this guy provided you with a sense of security and belonging.  He filled an emotional void that your own family could not fill.  I do not know the circumstances of the car accident in which he was killed, but I'm thinking that maybe you subconsciously feel a certain amount of guilt.  Not only that, you suddenly and tragically lost someone who had brought you some happiness, although it was not a healthy relationship, otherwise, you would not have been doing drugs, drinking and getting pregnant.  So, after he dies, you have this baby.  The pregnancy & baby may have brought you some solace and helped bring calm to your mind as you were grieving the loss of your bf.  Then, you meet someone else, get married, and get pregnant with baby #2.  Perhaps, starting a family in a traditional sense took your mind off your grief, helped bring stability to your life and so on.  However, the love you feel with this man is not the same and perhaps does not meet your emotional needs like the first husband.  

The reason I go into this situation by recapping what I know is because I don't understand the rationale behind such a dramatic expression of telling your little girl about her father in the sense that he has been "replaced."  Yes, of course, he has been replaced, but not in the manner of a heartless, careless, and selfish mother.  The replacement was marriage to another man after the death of her father; not a rejection nor displacement of him.  If you tell her with love and tenderness, she will understand, especially if she knows & feels that your current husband cares about her like a daughter.

I'm wondering what you did to nurture yourself and help overcome the grief of losing your bf.  If it was simply to focus on the pregnancy and your little girl and her needs, there may be some unresolved emotional issues you need to address.