I feel so guilty about my marriage?

Question

i got divorced from my husband a few years ago, we werer married quite young and have a 9yr old child. he is a brilliant father and has since remarried and i am happy for him. however, i am plagued by guilty feelings still that it was my fault that the marriage didnt work. looking back i can see i made many mistakes in my marriage and was probably selfish in many ways, and i feel so guilty for this especially for my child who adores the pair of us. as i grown older and wiser i see things far differently and within relationships, and constantly blame myself for not trying hard enough when i had it all, a family, a husband etc. i just wish i could turn the clock back soemtimes and try again. my husband was unfaithful during the marriage to the woman he is now married to, yet he denies this still and i feel that perhaps i could have prevented that if id just tried harder and been more grown up about the situation. i know everyone will say get over it and move on, but i still cant as i just feel so bad that i let it all go.

Answer 1

We all make mistakes. We see things differently when we are younger. They say hind sight is 20/20. There is nothing you can do about it now. Do not blame yourself for him cheating. He made that decision and carried it out. Real men don't cheat when there are problems they try to work it out or leave. He took the easy way out. Make the most of it and focus on your child.

Answer 2

My dear, may be you did not have friends to tell you at that time, how to cope up with the situation, now your husband is married to someone, so try to forget about him, you can always find a good life partner for you, otherwise you can make good friends, and keep yourself bizy in some social works, when you start working for the society, you come to know about their problems, you solve them then you feel real happiness. So try in some new sectors.

Answer 3

i ll say something very true it is impossible to get off such a big thing of ur life u have lost everything that i can see....but life has to move on in its own way .....make good friends if possible if u like get married to a decent person because we cant spend life alone we always need some one to bee with us

Answer 4

Well he doesnt seem too guilty, hes gotton on with things. Whats done is done, find a new man, start fresh and learn from what went wrong before. Just keep stability between you and him for your kids sake

Answer 5

You can't prevent an affair. If he was seeing someone else then he wasn't trying hard enough with you. keep your relationship on the best possible terms for your child's sake, but for your sake, let it go.  

Answer 6

IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO...1ST 4GIVE URSELF AND THEN 4GIVE HIM FOR THE AFFAIR..AND LET YOUR PAST BE JUST WHAT IT IS ..YOUR PAST...MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT LOOKING BACK AND BE A HEALTHIER YOU FRO YOUR 9YO..GOOD LUCK TO YA

Answer 7

I wish I could tell you to forget about the whole situation but I know you would not. Guilt is something that gnaws at us little by little. All I want to say is that you will have to move on and carry whatever regret and guilt you have with you and allow such feelings to diminish little by little.

Deal with it by living your life more fully and more meaningfully; go out, make more friends and learn to value people for what they are. Build on other people's strengths and look less on other people's weaknesses. I can already feel that the lessons from your marriage has made you better somewhere somehow you will find better answers. I'm confident that while you won't let it all go you will learn to accept it and become better for it.

Answer 8

I feel so sad that you think your husband having an affair was your fault.

I believe that any person that deals with a marital problem by having an affair does not deserve to be married.

And it sounds to me that you are suffering and he isn't. Why? Did you have an affair? Did you do anything wrong?

OK, maybe you could have tried harder but he could have tried harder by not having an affair!

It sounds like you were and still are intimidated by this man.

Instead of YOU feeling guilty think about what HE should be feeling guilty about.

You are worthy of better.

All the best.

Answer 9

Don't hurry to get over it, you will get over it naturally in time. Rushing yourself into getting over something can be unhealthy. If it is really bothering you this much, you need to apologize to him. Even though he seems to be happy right now, if he is as amazing as you say, he will appreciate your honesty and apology. I'm not saying you're going to get back together, but it's something.

Answer 10

you obviously mustnt have been that happy through the marriage or you wouldnt have acted certain ways. yeah you might have done some things wrong but that is no excuse for a man to cheat. i am in a marriage for 11 years now. im not happy and have been to scared to leave in case i regret it but recently he tried on my friend and lucky she told me. he denies it but he did. im still here getting the guts to leave cause i have a 10 year old , 9 yr old and a 1mth old baby so its hard but darlin its not all your fault. you may be feeling very lonely and scared of moving on and thats why it is easy to wish you were back in what you know. good luck sweety. you will make it

Answer 11

I know its easy to say but you need to forgive yourself for these things. You are doing "what if" game. What happened is the past, so let the past be the past. And after all it wasnt your fault, you were faithful to your husband and he wasnt to you. You seem like a really sensible and caring mother, and trustworthy wife. So, dont get yourself down with your regretful, negative thoughts.