I feel so guilty!! dont know what to do!?

Question

well my husband and i decided we wanted 2kids. we decided to have a biological child and then we'd adopt the other gender, so we'd have a boy and a girl

well... we found out we were expecting. we were excited, sooo exicted! but then we discovered it was triplets. three babies. there goes the whole 2 kid plan. and then, the cherry on top was we discovered they were all boys. 3 sons. i cried after that because i knew that after raising triplets on our income it would be years before we could afford to adopt a daughter -- which we are still going to do. but i still feel guilty because deep down inside i know that i don''t want to have triplet sons.

anyone been in this situtatoin before? what can i do?

Answer 1

well, from the way i see it, raising triplets is really not easy but when you see your child...what a fulfillment! What you and your husband must do is to help each other more so that both of you will not get tired.

Answer 2

No, never had triplets!   Please stop worrying.  Wait until the little treasures are in your arms, then see how you feel.   You cannot comprehend just yet, how overwhelmed with love you will feel when you first hold them.  Relax, relax, relax you are so very blessed.

Answer 3

I always thought growing up that I wanted all boys because I have 5 sisters. I had my first son and thought that I wanted to have a girl after that. When I found out I was pregnant and then was told it was a girl, I was estatic! Then when it came out.....Surprise! It was a boy! He is now 2 years old and although I haven't lost my dream of someday either having or adopting a girl, he is wonderful and all of my thoughts of not wanting to have another boy have disappeared. Trust me, once your belly starts really growing and they are born, you will forget all about these thoughts. Then when you guys are ready, adopt a girl!  

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do.  If you have the funds to adopt at a later date then start the process at that point.  Adoption is very expensive.

Answer 5

It may be the hormones. Once yous see your beautiful sons, all worries will go out the window.  

Answer 6

What can you do? Be happy that you were able to get pregnant and that you will be the only female in the house and therefore, pampered and cossetted by husband and sons alike. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe your sons will grow up to cure cancer or explore space or something else. I, too, cried when my son was born because I wanted a daughter. He is my pride and joy. And yes, I do have a daughter as well and she is more work than he ever was. Doesn't mean I love her less.

When you hold those babies in your arms for the first time, you will forget that you ever questioned this. And maybe a daughter is in your future anyway. I am not a Christian and I believe that souls choose their parents. How awesome that 3 little souls have chosen YOU to be their mom!!!

I wish you all the best. Have a safe and happy pregnancy!

Answer 7

You don't need to feel guilty.   You don't feel guilty because you are a bad person, you feel guilty because you are disappointed.  You had a plan, a vision, of how things were going to be and now you have found out that things are going to be different.  You just need time to mourn the loss of the plan you had and then you will come around to this idea.  It will be hard in the beginning, but I bet that after a while you wouldn't want it any other way.  These kids are going to be best friends for life!  They will entertain each other and take care of each other and they are going to love their mom so much!   Then years down the road, they will be such a big help with their baby sister and they will spoil her rotten!  I wish you the best of luck on this journey!

Answer 8

When I went for my ultrasound I cried when I found out that I was having a boy. I had an unplanned pregnancy and was excited, but I desperately wanted a girl. Believe me, and I know it sounds cliche, but the first time you see your sons, you will fall head over heals in love. Also, remember right now, your hormones are going absolutely nuts. You'll see that you come to love them the longer the prganancy goes.

Answer 9

You need to see a counselor. Chances are this feeling will go away once they are born, but it sounds like you may be prone to have depression and counseling will certainly help you. Also, you are probably under a lot of stress with the thought of having triplets. I know I would be. Just pray and try to remember that God has different plans than what we have. Let it be His will, not ours.

Answer 10

I could understand your disappointment in the situation, but God obviously had a different plan for the two of you. I think that once you have those babies, your feelings will change.

Answer 11

Hmm I don't think your guilt stems from not wanting triplet sons. Maybe your just hormonal now being fully pregnant with three and your hesitations stems from your disappointment that you are not having a daughter anytime soon. You are just frustrated by this fact because you had the 2-kid plan and it was suddenly upsurped by the triplets. Plus the surmountable task of raising boys can be rowdy and handful for any mother. As boys as we all know are very different from girls - I know this want of a baby girl, the sensitivity and tenderness of seeing a little version of you.

I have a little boy and not a baby girl yet - but I am hopeful.

But I hope you would eventually overcome these feelings and have more positive thoughts for your new boys. I think you are blessed to have three all at the same time. Don't feel so bad. Once you get to hold your boys and you may look forward to the possibility of having more kids especially a girl, things will lighten up. If you can't stand these feelings, maybe sharing the "baby girl" frustration with your husband and explaining your needs would alleviate some of your guilty feelings.

Answer 12

I have three boys and was devastated when my last one was a boy because I begged my husband to just adopt so I would have a little girl but he talked me into trying one more time.  We are done (he got snipped) and I guess I have finally made peace with not having a girl.    Once they get here you won't know why you felt this way (well at least I did)!   Good Luck!

Answer 13

While I have not been your situation, I can certainly understand how you feel and why. I would recommend you visit the link posted below, and check out some of the support groups listed for families with multiple births. The more planning and support you can get as soon as possible, the better you will feel and be able to prepare. Many of these support groups can offer advice and free resources to help you. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 14

tell me you're not thinking about abortion plus giving away the adopted kid is toooooooooo cruel.

so all you need to do is to calm down.and make yourself prepared for 3 pretty boys

Answer 15

I'm sure you'll get used to the idea and love it once they are born!  Go easy on yourself.  Its enough to face knowing you're going to bring one child into the world, let alone coping with 3!  Give yourself time to adapt and organise yourself.  I bet you, when they are older you will look at them with immense pride at what you have achieved.

Best of luck