I feel so unappealing sexually and i can't stand it, what can i do to stop this?

Question

i am 20 years old and i never get any indication that i am lusted after by women. i only get indication that women are find any sexual thoughts about me repulsive and that they generally don't want me showing interest in them.

and i know that women do lust in the same way that men do. women often want sexual attention from and relationships with guys my age and younger especially. and L*****n women are interested in sexual relations with women in general. the lust is not there when it is with guys like me.

so it's not that women need more than looks to lust or that they don't lust, it's just that i am physically unappealing. this is constantly hurting me. i can't get over it, especially when i see all the images in the media of women enjoying their sexuality with attractive guys. i feel like i am flawed in some way. i am so depressed and can't concentrate on anything. how can i get rid of these feelings?

Answer 1

remember this hero: looks are important for women, but not as much as for men. women also judge our personalities. what's important that you must get out the best in you. get some nice clothes, hygiene has to be on top notch..and just bee cool and confident in general. how could you expect someone to like you if you yourself don't like you in the first place. be the best version of you. what you think of yourself is what others will too. best of luck. i've been in your shoes once.

Answer 2

I think if you are having trouble functioning because of the way you're feeling you should probably try seeing a therapist/counselor for a while. Do not do something like plastic surgery at this point- it won't really help because a lot of whats upsetting you is in your mind, not actually the way you physically look. I think talking to a counselor and figuring out ways to deal with this will help a lot.

For now though- try to focus on your positive attributes. I think that a lot of women will first see a guy as not so physically attractive but after getting to know them they develop an attraction based on other things. I have definitely met guys and not thought they were cute at all but once I got to know them and talked about something we both love, or figured out how hilarious or sweet they were, etc I became attracted to them:)

So if you're feeling bad about your looks maybe try to think of your 'good' things- like funny, smart, cool/interesting hobbies, nice to girls, reliable (sound dorky but very important IMO!) etc.

Lust is not terribly reliable anyway, so try to figure out how to form relationships based on more important stuff, the lust/sexual attraction will follow (not with all girls but definitely with some).

Sorry that was all rambling, hope it helps a little.

Answer 3

Hero, you KNOW I love you.  We miss you over in GWS.  I think of you often.  Did you know that the demographic group that scores the highest on "happy" psychological tools are bald children?  Wanna know why?  It's because they LET GO of their nagging self-image tyrannies related to hair.  I was six feet tall at 11 years old as a girl.  Not ONCE did I feel like anything was wrong with the way I looked because the way I looked was simply the natural the way I am supposed to look.  We aren't supposed to look like what society says in transient pathos what we are supposed to look like.  What made men lust after me was that confidence in me, that "I'm OK" quality.  As long as you hobble or cripple YOURSELF with "I'M NOT OK" beliefs, that will show and it won't be because of how you physically look if you are not found to be attractive.  It will be that "I'M NOT OK" or that "I THINK I'M UGLY" attitude that will repel people.  Just let go of all that and like yourself more if you want others to like you.

Answer 4

Well, not all women are physically attracted to a guy at first site.  Many women like to be dated, treated nicely etc and the love and attraction comes with that.  You are looking to much on the surface.  I think most women look a bit deeper than that and aren't such superficial creatures as you are making them out to be.  Sounds like you need to step up to the plate and ask a woman on a date, go out and see if you are compatible.  When you do find the right person and you "win her over" she will be attracted to you.  

Answer 5

I used to be that way when I looked in the mirror and I realized it was taking too much energy to worry about it. One day I decided to wash my face, brush my teeth, and just walk out the door. I don't worry anymore what people think of my appearance as long as I know I am washed up and put on nice clothes. Everyone has something nice about them and something they look for in a partner. You just haven't come across someone to see you for who you really are. You will. :)

By the way: No one is perfect and we all have imperfections that only WE see and know about. We magnify those things in our minds because we focus too much on it. Other people don't see the pimple or the hair out of place.

Answer 6

Best thing to do, is if there is some feature about yourself that you think is "unappealing" than get it fixed.  Nose surgery helps a lot of people that don't like the way they look. Of course, this may not be an issue with you.  I don't know.

The other thing is get involved with a group, or something that you're interested in.  You'll meet someone nice, I'm sure.  

Also, if you are brave, ask a woman you trust to tell you what it is that they find unappealing.  It could be something little, that you can alter or change easily.  That's what I would do anyway.  Best of luck to you..  : )