I feel so used.. do you have any advice? Please, no harsh comments.

Question

I've known this lad for ages.. He's gorgeous, two years older than me.. always treated me fine. He had a girlfriend, but we always lightly flirted and texted.. Nothing big. A few weeks ago though we were in the back of a car and he started kissing me, and then my hands went down his trousers and he wanted to go down mine but I didn't let him.

He then told me he'd split up with his girlfriend. When we were out together (with friends) he was hugging me constantly around everyone.. but nothing more.

He never told me he liked me, but he must of knew I had feelings for him, and I thought he did for me.

A few days ago, he told me he was back with his girlfriend, but he continued to flirt with me and text me, and I'm not proud to say it, but I did back. Then it started getting heavier.. After we'd both had a few drinks one night we snuck off & started kissing & touching eachother, and I ended up giving him head, and he went down my pants.

As we walked back I felt upset, and I reminded him he had a girlfriend and he looked down sadly and he said 'Yeah, it's hard.' I went home, he went back to where everyone was, and everyone knew we'd been up to something.

He text me that night saying how great it was and how he'd love to do it again. It was great, it was amazing. Then about a week later he said something that offended me.. he rang me up and kept saying sorry and saying what an idiot he was. He said that he's a genuine guy and he never wanted to upset me.. and i said i had trouble believing him and I felt like he thought of me as a slag.. He said he'd never see me like that, and he had feelings for me, and that he'd try to prove that he did.

I told him I am never usually like this.. I would never ever run off with a guy and do that. I'm not like that at all!!

Then today, we snuck off again and did the same thing. I am not proud of it at all! I feel so used. And he said: 'Let me stick it in you..' And i realised what I was doing, looked up and said 'No!' and I walked off.

He kept texting asking if I was ok, and I replied with 'I'm so stupid. I actually believed what u said the other day'

I don't know what to do now, he hasn't text back. I feel used and stupid.

Answer 1

well., that's a lesson learn that guys will say and do anything to get what they want ...but next don't let your self get caught up in a situation like that again...leave him  alone for ad go your seprate way thats the best thing to do...everyone makes mistakes learn from t and move on hopes this helps....:)

Answer 2

Open your eyes honey, he is using you!  Walk away... it will hurt only for a short time.. your feelings and your body deserve better!  

Answer 3

keep away from him, he is babd news.....x

Answer 4

just forget about him. if he wanted to use you like that he's not worth getting upset over. and don't feel stupid, you just got caught up in the moment. feel proud of yourself for not going all the way and ending up regretting it later.

Answer 5

well you are being used. i don't know why you kept giving in to him. you need to tell his gf what happened

Answer 6

You are being used

Do not go near him again as he doesn't feel the same about you.

Forget the loser.

Answer 7

Some lads are like that, he knows you like him and is taking advantage of it. He's obviously not genuine if he's doing this to his girlfriend. Your not stupid, he's giving you all the talk and you really like him so you're falling for it. Stop texting him, or better still delete his number and keep out of his way. Make an effort to get over him, it will be hard but be strong. You don't deserve this, wait you'll meet someone really nice who won't treat you like this and appreciate you and like you the same back. Good luck x x x

Answer 8

If you ask me you are best off staying far away from him. He is a user and a cheat as well as a liar. Dont let him use you like that, you are worth more than that and more than him. He has cheated on his girlfriend so he clearly isnt boyfriend material and it doesnt seem that you want to be his bit on the side anyway. He probably wont leave his girlfriend for you and if he did he would probably do the same to you as he did to her. The reason he probably hasnt texted you back is because he knows that you have come to your senses and realised what he is up to. He has realised your not some dumb girl who he can mess around. You are not stupid, you are clever for realising the type of guy he is.  Wait for a guy who respects you and wants to be with you, not a guy who wants you to let him 'stick it in you'. I cannot stand guys who behave like this. What makes them think they have the right to use people like that? Also think of his girlfriend. I know she probably doesnt mean anything to you but imagine how you would feel if it was your boyfriend. I say steer clear. Let him get on with his sordid little pathetic life. Dont text him again. Get on with your life, move on. Lol tell everyone he has a small 'you know what'. Nah Im joking just learn from this mistake. Yeah it didnt work out but youll know better for next time. You seem like a decent girl who has been taken in by an idiot bloke who has steered you into doing less than decent things. Let him carry on but dont let him or anyone else reduce you to that level again. There are decent guys out there, hes not one of them, believe me.

x

Answer 9

well, you can be proud of yourself for not letting things go any further, many young girls would have given in, so good for you.

what happened, happened, and it is done, so all you can do now id take a deep breath and reconcile in your head that you are not going to have anything more to do with this guy period.

be strong sweetie, you got carried away, and then you recovered yourself, not put it behind you and move on , not to repeat this mistake again okay ?

Answer 10

You made a mistake learn from it.  There is a reason why adults tell you to avoid s*x.  Emotionally young people at your age can't handle it.  You need to move forward in your life by investing your time in a sport or hobby, hang out with friends or doing homework.  Wait until you are through with college to get involved with anyone sexually.  

Answer 11

Sorry...I know it is hard to see the truth when you have such strong feelings for someone.  You want to only see the good and believe everything they say.  Ultimately though you feel the fool because you know that unless someones actions match their words all they are doing is stringing you along.  Don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, especially when it comes to love.

Answer 12

Once a cheat.....always a cheater!!  (A rat comes to mind)

Answer 13

Hello dear,

I won't give any harsh comments hun, but firm advice that you should follow without any thoughts.

Don't tell his girlfriend, no matter how much you'd like to or how many people tell you to. You still don't have the right to interfere you see.

You do not have to speak to him, so if you find yourself feeling under pressure because you're struggling for something to say, then don't let it stress you out. If you feel like not speaking to him, then don't.

You have been used and tricked - accept it and move on. It still took two to tango so don't get angry, just drop it.

At least you know this idiot isn't ever going to be worth it and he'll probably do it again to other girls.

Lastly, learn from it and move on. If you're after a boyfriend then go find someone who is genuine and trustworthy.

You will feel better in time, especially when you meet some amazing and put this past you.

Whatever you do, don't make any friendly contact with this man again, especially not flirty.

Answer 14

I'll refrain from the harsh comments, however, simply put...you were used.

Just chalk it up as a learning experience. He knew what he was doing from the start.

Just be thankful you didn't go all the way; otherwise you'd possibly be contending with something more.  

Try not to be weak and respond to any more of his texts.  

Answer 15

Unfortunately this guy knows exactly what he is doing.  You sound like a nice girl looking for a serious relationship.  This guy already has a girlfriend and he is cheating on her with you.  This guy is a player.  Stop hanging around with him, once he gets what his wants - s*x! He will move on to another conquest.   Don't beat yourself up because you were physically attracted to someone, just be careful you do not become one of his conquests.

Answer 16

He's horrible. His girlfriend would feel awful if she knew what he gets up to. But really, don't blame yourself, and don't think you're a slag. We all do things in the heat of the moment that shouldn't happen. And if you like him, it's especially hard to resist.

What I recommend is that you keep a dignified silence if he keeps texting you. If you see him face to face, be civil but lay down the rules - tell him you regret it and you've too much self-respect to let him use you. And if he was to mock you for that, your excuse is that you're vulnerable - you have feelings for him - and he took advantage of that for his own personal pleasure.

Make sure he knows you've got higher standards than what's been shown so far. It'll hit him had and he'll realise you're not 'easy'.

But above all, try to forgive yourself for this. You realise it's not a good way to behave, and now you can make up for it by remaining dignified and respecting yourself by sticking to your morals.

Good luck and I hope he doesn't end up being an idiot about it. And don't beat yourself up about it, because we all make mistakes. x

Answer 17

This is quite simple. It appears that he loves his girlfriend but clearly, he enjoys having s*x with you. He is taking advantage of you because he knows you have feelings for him. If you also enjoy having s*x with him, then go ahead. Your relationship with him can only be sexually related. Although he also has some feelings for you, he doesnt want to have a relationship with you. Dont feel bad, in time, you will find the right person for you.

Answer 18

you have been used and you are stupid

Answer 19

YOU don't need to feel stupid...HE does. He has lied to his girlfriend and messed around with your head and you are obviously a very nice girl....he knows that...thats why he wont get in contact because in the very back of his tiny mind he knows he has done wrong. You need to continue keeping your dignity..which you have done...if he calls or texts you dont respond....this will then make him try harder to get in touch...you still must not respond....he will get DESPERATE to see you then and you still must no respond...because he is a worm...and you are an intelligent, nice girl who deserves much better...and will get it too....he isn;t a guy you want to be with ...he is a liar.

Answer 20

Used by who? Your own emotions? Sorry for sounding so harsh but it seems like you are judging yourself and projecting it onto him. You don't have to judge anyone, it's just chemistry.

Answer 21

I fink he is using yooh. . .but u shudnt let him get to yooh lyk yh u have done sumfin realli bad 2wice not to mention and not a doubt if ne1 finds out ur in the sh*t. . .but u cant let him use yooh. . .ask him where u stand. . .if this is jus sumfin he can have on the side. . . he is usin u. . .i mean lyk how wud u feel if ur bf was sneakin ov with thid ova chik and doin stuff behind ur back. . . wudnt u be betrayed, heartbroken, angry. . .things ppl do have consequences and u've got a big wun so be prepared dats all im sayin. . . .

Answer 22

it's probably as hard for him as it is for you. I know guys can get in a situation where they truly DO love 2 women and don't want to hurt either one.

Answer 23

knock it on the head, you're playing with fire and getting yourself a reputation in the process, even if he did ditch his gf for you how long before he is at it with someone else behind YOUR back? you are better off out of it, stay a way from him and find some one who has enough respect and love for you not to subject you to a grope and a fumble in an alley way.

Answer 24

Learn from your mistake and in future stay away from guys who are still with their girlfriend on and off.  Forget all about him as he was just using you.  He probably knew you was a bit inexperienced and just fancied his chances of getting his way with you.

You have been used and have been stupid but let that be the end of it by having nothing more to do with this lad.

You will get over him and this bad experience just give it time.

Answer 25

Forget about him and forgive yourself. You made the right choice walking away from him and I'm proud of you for it. The thing about guy's is that half of them don't care about you at all and just want to get in your pants. You should wait for a guy who cares about you, and not about feeling you up.

Answer 26

Used no, stupid yes. It's difficult not to be harsh towards what you've done as you knew he had a girlfriend. If he's this easy with you knowing he has a girlfriend how do you think he'd act if you were his girlfriend? He's no good for you. You're adding fuel to the fire. Get your act together and stay clear of him. It's difficult to hold back these feelings for him but, look at what keeps happening here. He has no plans on leaving his girlfriend when he can have his cake and eat it to! He's got the best of both worlds. His girlfriend that he wants to stay with and some action on the side from you. He has no respect for either one of you girls. He's thinking with the wrong head! move on and find you someone more worthy of being with. Alcohol makes us do stupid things so, better to keep your faculties and not get that drunk that you regret your actions afterwards with him or any other guy for that matter. Good luck and keep a level head. I've done a lot of stupid things myself when I was younger the main thing is to learn from your mistakes not to keep repeating them!!  take care.

Answer 27

Just stay away from him for awhile, let your reasoning part od your brain talk to the pleasure part of your brain. I think the reasoning part should win out.